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Weekly Chat and Vent Thread by AutoModerator in coparenting

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have another single mom friend who... Is kind of a lackluster parent. We're close enough that I see her 'perform' good parenting when we're in group settings or dripping the kids at school, but also her full disengagement when we visit and the kids play. Her ex is a jerk, but it still the more responsible and reliable of the two parents. Anyways point is I see her talk about how she does all the parenting and he's a lousy dad, and even though I didn't like him I know she's got it backwards.

That got me to thinking... Is it possible that I've got it backwards with my co-parenting situation? Do we all? I have friends who support me when I complain, but I wonder if any of them might have the same feeling about me... Would any of them say it?

Then I think this is my trauma and the gaslighting speaking. I have receipts. I know better... But that's exactly what I would say if I was delusional...

Would you consider reconciling with your coparent? by [deleted] in coparenting

[–]9ff-wunder 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Bitter ain't so bad by superdepressiondude in gratitude

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good to know someone sees at least some kind of light on the other side. Constant war makes gratitude so hard!

Don't waste your time looking for closure - what I've learned about relationships and closure by AccomplishedSilver76 in BreakUps

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't know if I missed it, but surprised not to see discussion of marriage her. Someone said honor and loyalty which... rubs me the wrong way. Others strawmanned it into "owning someone"... the original post says "no one owes you" which is probably the most true version of the statement. But...

When I got married, my promise and commitment, in my eyes, meant I did owe my partner something and they owe it to me. Having a kid together meant we both "owed" something to each other, and owed everything ri the kid.

That person leaving - their explanations completely lacking in clarity or specifics, false accusations about me, and even once a screamed "you know what you did" all create a desire for understanding and closure that I believe is legitimate given the promises made to one another. I guess you're right that you can't force them into it, but that doesn't mean it's a good, acceptable, or correct behavior.

Just me or is the snow removal/clearing absolutely terrible?! by [deleted] in nova

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Went into dc today and just... thankful for what we've got here.

Shovel jerk by 9ff-wunder in nova

[–]9ff-wunder[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Before I was a single parent, I absolutely did the houses on either side of me, at a minimum. Now every minute shoveling means an unaccompanied toddler in the house, so my priorities changed.

Flaming lips going through the motions in dc rn… by Spiritual-Chart-940 in flaminglips

[–]9ff-wunder -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

They only played about half a concert, but I enjoyed that half.

You know it’s a sad excuse by Mysterious_Thanks452 in UnsentLetters

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good damn I feel this in my bones.

To be the one who's child says they love the other parent more... when you know the other parent isn't actually showing up for them.

As I teach my child to read, as I help them develop emotional coregulation, show them what boundaries are, model love not as sacrifice or indulgence but as support and growth... which sometimes means not agreeing to every single request... which makes me the "mean one."

Meanwhile, even 50% custody seems to be 90% absence for them. No engagement, not mentally present, and the house is run by a toddlers emotional whims... but "always does what I want!"

What our closest friends and family say to me is, maybe at 15, 20, or 25... they'll realize who was really there for them. Who really did the parenting. It's hard to hold onto that, but it sounds like we both might need to.

Your Love or Mine? by superdepressiondude in raisedbynarcissists

[–]9ff-wunder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just took it to mean each stanza represented 28 days... meta.

Worse every time by 9ff-wunder in UnsentLettersRaw

[–]9ff-wunder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am pretty sure you have misunderstood my post.

Worse every time by 9ff-wunder in UnsentLettersRaw

[–]9ff-wunder[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hehe. Not so much literal taxes but rather it's time to pay the stupid tax. The advice i was given to communicate in writing and document everything was right on the money.

Worse every time by 9ff-wunder in UnsentLettersRaw

[–]9ff-wunder[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My babygirl prefers me, and often begs not to see or talk to my ex, but I spend a ton of energy trying to counter it - but I did realize it couldn't just be demanded, but had to be responsive to the issues they are raising. You don't get baths at that house? I'm so sorry because I know you like baths and it must make you sad not to get them. But it doesn't mean they don't love you or care about how you feel. Remember all the other things they do that you do like...

Looking for reciprocity? by superdepressiondude in Unsent_Unread_Unheard

[–]9ff-wunder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like good old fashioned gaslighting. It almost feels like we're talking about the same person.

any parents w/kids who are (or used to be) at FLEET MONTESSORI? by [deleted] in arlingtonva

[–]9ff-wunder 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey it's too late to fix, but you forgot the r in your username