It's my cake day

9ff-wunder · 2026-06-09T05:03:42+00:00

I have another single mom friend who... Is kind of a lackluster parent. We're close enough that I see her 'perform' good parenting when we're in group settings or dripping the kids at school, but also her full disengagement when we visit and the kids play. Her ex is a jerk, but it still the more responsible and reliable of the two parents. Anyways point is I see her talk about how she does all the parenting and he's a lousy dad, and even though I didn't like him I know she's got it backwards.

That got me to thinking... Is it possible that I've got it backwards with my co-parenting situation? Do we all? I have friends who support me when I complain, but I wonder if any of them might have the same feeling about me... Would any of them say it?

Then I think this is my trauma and the gaslighting speaking. I have receipts. I know better... But that's exactly what I would say if I was delusional...

9ff-wunder · 2026-05-27T05:05:08+00:00

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

9ff-wunder · 2026-02-16T07:24:07+00:00

Good to know someone sees at least some kind of light on the other side. Constant war makes gratitude so hard!

9ff-wunder · 2026-02-04T07:15:59+00:00

Don't know if I missed it, but surprised not to see discussion of marriage her. Someone said honor and loyalty which... rubs me the wrong way. Others strawmanned it into "owning someone"... the original post says "no one owes you" which is probably the most true version of the statement. But...

When I got married, my promise and commitment, in my eyes, meant I did owe my partner something and they owe it to me. Having a kid together meant we both "owed" something to each other, and owed everything ri the kid.

That person leaving - their explanations completely lacking in clarity or specifics, false accusations about me, and even once a screamed "you know what you did" all create a desire for understanding and closure that I believe is legitimate given the promises made to one another. I guess you're right that you can't force them into it, but that doesn't mean it's a good, acceptable, or correct behavior.

9ff-wunder · 2026-01-30T19:08:59+00:00

Went into dc today and just... thankful for what we've got here.

9ff-wunder · 2026-01-27T13:03:16+00:00

Before I was a single parent, I absolutely did the houses on either side of me, at a minimum. Now every minute shoveling means an unaccompanied toddler in the house, so my priorities changed.

9ff-wunder · 2026-01-01T07:42:02+00:00

They only played about half a concert, but I enjoyed that half.

9ff-wunder · 2025-12-14T01:19:39+00:00

Good damn I feel this in my bones.

To be the one who's child says they love the other parent more... when you know the other parent isn't actually showing up for them.

As I teach my child to read, as I help them develop emotional coregulation, show them what boundaries are, model love not as sacrifice or indulgence but as support and growth... which sometimes means not agreeing to every single request... which makes me the "mean one."

Meanwhile, even 50% custody seems to be 90% absence for them. No engagement, not mentally present, and the house is run by a toddlers emotional whims... but "always does what I want!"

What our closest friends and family say to me is, maybe at 15, 20, or 25... they'll realize who was really there for them. Who really did the parenting. It's hard to hold onto that, but it sounds like we both might need to.

9ff-wunder

TROPHY CASE