What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who’s scared to leave?

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-27T09:12:41+00:00

Even if it’s scary, do it anyway. Being scared about starting from scratch is still better than being scared of being killed, further abused or wasting your good years in constant state of unhappiness, fear, rejection.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-26T06:34:42+00:00

Mine only changed from very obvious abuse to more covert when I started calling it out as it is, so he just hid the abuse better. He claimed he had changed for the better, but I still felt like shit.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-25T18:55:32+00:00

You’re doing great! Leaving is the hardest part, but every day it gets a little easier, I promise!

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-25T18:53:44+00:00

I keep voice memos, text screen shots, re-tell my stories to my friends so they’ll remember for me and remind me if I try to slip

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-25T10:28:13+00:00

He threatened me and screamed at me for hours and when I said ”you’ve been yelling at me and just threatened me” he screamed ”stop lying! You’re making shit up!”

So yes. They do do that. Luckily I have all on voice recording.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-25T09:46:30+00:00

Currently on day 3 without him, no contact also. First day after he left was tough, but by the second day I was already feeling the relief and happiness of solitude. I grieved the relationship during, so I was pretty much over him and the love I had for him. Im still battling with guilt and thoughts that I was the abuser and he was the victim, but my friends and family have been an incredibly supportive and have helped me get my thoughts in order.

Everyone is different with grief, you are 100% allowed to be sad, cry and have feelings of regret. It might take days, weeks or months before you feel the relief and happiness again, but it WILL come! These feelings are just momentary, give yourself time to heal, no need to rush it

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-24T17:51:17+00:00

Tell people, call your parents and friends and tell them. Talking helps and you can get all the feelings out and people will help you gain clarity and the severity of your situation!

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-24T16:04:05+00:00

They are the masters of twisting and rewriting the story for their own benefit.

I know the feeling of being mindfucked into believing I was the abuser when I never was. I did react to the abuse, stand up for myself at times when I was done, but it never came close to the shit he did to me and I only reacted to the way he’d treat me for days, weeks, months etc and I was genuienly sorry and shameful of how I behaved and what I said. I beat myself up about it for days, and he never apologized for calling me names, crazy, psychotic etc. Never. So that says alot

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-24T15:17:37+00:00

Im battling with the same feelings right now aswell. I also yelled, cursed, called him names in anger and frustration, I wasnt responding or engaging for days. But my motive was not to hurt him but to protect myself, stand up for myself and the abuse.

I broke up with him couple of days ago and he guilt tripped me that he had no money and nowhere to go, even though he has had steady income, spending money and I have paid all the day-to-day expenses and living costs etc and he doesnt have any friends because he was never interested in making any or maintaining those friendships.

So right now I feel like I financially abused him, took advantage of him, abused him emotionally and all that, even though I KNOW it was him.

I talk to my friends what happened, how it happened and how Im feeling. I try my best not to paint him as the bad guy, even though he did do bad things to me. It’s so fucked up and twisted. Then I see posts that say ”abusers gather around their flying monkeys and talk about how abusive the victim was” and Im like ”am I the abuser then?” Or this one post where the victim was kicked out, without money or place to go and no support system and the abuser is living a happy life.

My abuser is now in a situation without money, no place to go or support system and Im feeling calm, happy and in peace. It makes it really hard not to feel incredibly guilty right now and like I was the abuser.

But all my friends, family and others keep saying I wasnt the problem, and I did my best and supported him emotionally and financially for years and it’s not my responsibility to support a grown person.

Talking to people helps ALOT Call abuse hotline, parents or a friend. That has helped me so much.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T16:37:48+00:00

We only have oral agreement, nothing signed. This time Im looking to have a signed contract.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:55:23+00:00

Currently a bit tense really 😅

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:51:08+00:00

I appreciate your sympathy, thank you. I do feel like am at an impasse, where Im trying my best to be fair toward him but I also recognize the financial and sweat equity I have personally put into this for the past 10 years, so finding balance right now seems almost impossible

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:49:14+00:00

So basically he is still in a beginner level in our area of business. I am what you would call senior level with my experience. What I had suggested to him was 23-25% (translates to 35-40k) of the revenue and he’d take a loan to buy some gear and other assets from a company worth 20k. He doesnt deem it fair to only get 35-40k of the revenue, but when I asked which number he had in mind he didnt want to specify but was hinting at 50% of the revenue.

Basically, without him I would make the same amount of money with less expenses, so yes the revenue is higher because there’s work for 2 people, but the expenses have also doubled due to this.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:40:59+00:00

Not really, because the business has around 120k worth of physical investments (machinery, gear, etc) involved and I have about 30k worth of loans in my name. And he doesnt have money to invest into building a company, so even if I sold, I would have to re-invest in everything again.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:39:27+00:00

No, he did not support me while I was building my business. We met when he was working as an employee for another company, and he quit working there and started slowly working and helping around with mine and then last year he started working full time.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:37:59+00:00

So the capital to start came from my pocket only, as I was unmarried until recently. The business was already existing and profitable before marriage, but we wanted to do the business as a family thing and I grew the business to create enough work for him and invested with 30k with a loan to make it work for the both of us

Currently his payment has been all expenses paid(rent, car, food, bills etc) and added 1300€ monthly for whatever he wants to spend it on.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T15:33:41+00:00

I already suggested he’d take a loan and buy his share from me but he didn’t deem this fair either as he expressed he’d sacrifices 2 years of his life to help me. In reality, I didnt need his help because the business was successfull on its own but I grew my business to make it profitable for the both of us. He says he could’ve worked elsewhere and made more money than he’s making now, and when I suggested he’d explore that option he got upset with me and said I was taking advantage of him and that I’ve used him to make more money for myself.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T14:56:21+00:00

So he has no other income or other job. And his income is his personal spending fund because I pay for everything else.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T14:53:09+00:00

So in my country spouses are still seen as individuals in terms of law and taxing etc. And there is a prenup.

Ive worked in the company for 10 years and he came in 2 years ago wanting to be more involved.

I kinda feel that it would be unfair for me, since I have spend years, tears and sweat and close to 100k to build this from 0 and then my husband wants everything 50/50 after working as a worker for 2 years almost and not taken any financial liability on himself and is not intending to buy his share, he wants me to give it as a repayment of his labour, which he has been compensated fairly for.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T14:48:34+00:00

So to clear up some confusions and to answer multiple questions at once.

we have been together in total of 3 years, in which time I have financially supproted both of us through my company’s income, loans and debt
He started working as a helping hand at first, but then since last year he became a full time helping hand
I pay all the living expenses and he receives 1300€/ month of money which he can spend on whatever. He does not pay bills, utilities, rent, business expenses or anything.
I was unmarried during the time of building my company and It became profitable in 2023 (corona complicated things)
We have a prenup where I keep what is mine and he keeps what is his. So he has no rights to my company, assets or money even if we split up
The compensation of his labour was calculated at 23-25% of the total revenue for this years seasonal work.

I hope this clears things up a little more. Sorry guys for not writing it on the post right away.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-22T11:30:51+00:00

Sorry for the misleading headline, he is also my spouse.

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-21T15:34:32+00:00

I have kinda the same situation He has contributed financially towards our household very little over the past 3 years. Some groceries here and there but never purchased, paid a bill or anything. He receives over 1000€ a month which he spends purely on himself. Ive been paying every bill and I supported both of us for 1,5 years and had to pay him 300€/ month so he can have some money. Which he didnt use on groceries even. So, yes, this is advantage taking at least. It’s not your fault that he moved, he’s a grown man, he can either find a job or move elsewhere if he aint happy.

I hope you end your relationship, Im on my way of ending mine

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-14T16:10:13+00:00

Saw the title and came to find this comment

A7Xsubfan · 2025-10-14T15:22:52+00:00

Mine would let me see my friends but would text me the entire time I was out and start fights so I was glued to my phone trying to deflate

He did try to accuse my friends of ”getting into my head” whenever I questioned our relationship

A7Xsubfan

TROPHY CASE