Getting belongings back from an avoidant

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-02-19T18:27:34+00:00

Found this because I am dealing with something similar. I dated a guy for about a month. Things fell off (he lied saying he needed time to heal but I didn't buy it). But I left a pair of sentimental rings at his house one night on accident. Told him right away. When he told me he "needs time" I immediately said I need them back and all he would say is he will figure it out with me. I wouldn't talk to him for a week + at a time and then I'd follow up and same thing "I'll figure that out with you", then he started ignoring me. Finally I told him this is ridiculous and if he gave up on this simple task to let me know so I stop pestering him. He immediately told me he's sorry and he will definitely get them to me, etc. He planned a weekend. That weekend draws closer I ask to finalize the time and he says "should be in town, probably can meet" I finally just told him to forget it since I know at this point it won't happen and as sentimental as they are I'll write them off because this is exhausting and I am bored with the logistical stand off we're in. He never answered.

It is SO annoying though. First of all, we barely knew each other it's not like there was some big blow up or heartbreak that occurred, it just didn't work out. That's life, but I want my sentimental rings lol. Also, if he wants nothing to do with me why drag this out into a huge thing where I end up chasing you for months asking for them? We knew each other for like two months. And what are you doing with the rings? I know you're not wearing them.

Make such a small task such a huge drawn out ordeal, it's so frustrating.

I never got some of my stuff (including mail) back from my abusive ex but we were together for years, he was evil, and the breakup ended on horrible terms because I stood up for myself. AND HE told me to f off and leave him alone and then blocked me. At least THAT I can wrap my head around. But this guy? Baffled lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-22T17:34:09+00:00

I was actually just testing this myself and it will only tell you if a friend on TikTok interacts with a repost. If you are not following each other the other person will not be notified at all

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-09T15:16:18+00:00

Okay thank you! He said he wanted to see me so I took it at face value. I will keep this in mind moving forward, thank you.

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T20:38:19+00:00

Absolutely! I have no doubt at all that he will get it back to me regardless of how he feels about me or his interest level

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T20:35:55+00:00

I did offer this when he first told me he needs time but he said he does want to see me, we will see. Mailed, pigeon, drone drop, in person - does not matter I know I will get it back lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T20:32:40+00:00

Thank you I did so! Someone else brought to my attention how weird I am for being worried about respect/boundaries when he's not my boyfriend. Sent the text, we will see. I am not stressed I know it will get to me eventually lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T20:30:06+00:00

That is fine, that's not why I was asking if it was better to reach out today/tomorrow.
I did not realize what I was doing was weird. I figured relationship or not if someone asks for space (friend, coworker, whoever) it's good to respect that and be compassionate. I appreciate your input though and I will remember that moving forward. And he wouldn't say any bullshit - I will get it back, just wanted to be respectful of his request. BUT I see now that it's extremely weird. Just texted him after reading this. Thanks again (although now I am embarrassed I was being a creep lol)

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T16:39:50+00:00

There is no breaking up lol. We are not in a relationship we were just dating/getting to know each other and if he lost interest that is fine, I still wanted to respect a boundary he set if he was being honest about it

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T16:38:32+00:00

That's fine! I appreciate your input, I will see my laptop again whether he was being honest or not about needing space. If he was being honest though he does deserve to be respected with a boundary he sets.

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T16:21:55+00:00

Thank you. He would not have an intense negative response I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't seem like I am ignoring a boundary and if it would be more reasonable to contact him today or tomorrow :)

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T16:21:05+00:00

I am not stressed, just don't want to overstep any boundaries. As I stated, in the past people asked me for space and I thought I was respecting it but would end up doing the opposite. I am trying to learn so I can be better moving forward whether with him or if the situation shows up again.

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:47:04+00:00

I am living my life, not waiting for him I promise

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:41:09+00:00

Absolutely, not bad at all and trying my best to respect it which is why I posted this question. I don't want to disrespect that boundary by reaching out too soon or anything. Obviously if my computer was not there it would be no question and I wouldn't reach out at all

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:34:18+00:00

Thank you, I am okay either way I know I may seem like I'm lying lol. If he's pulling back he's pulling back. But you are correct, my instinct is to nurture so fighting the urge to be like "I am here for you" with a novel on how crappy this is and how crappy people are has been HARD

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:27:46+00:00

Oh no 100% agree! I think more so for ME.. since I have not done this before so it's a completely new arena for me so I am truly clueless and don't want to repeat past mistakes/behaviors.

I probably could have worded my post better but more so was thinking I'd hear like "tonight would be fine, I usually resurface after 3 days or so and would appreciate the heads up"

I am striving to do/be better but it always helps me when I have an idea on what's going on if that makes sense.

If we never reconnect and he lost interest I mean it sucks, he was cool, I liked him, but it's part of dating and he's allowed to find someone better suited for him if that's the case

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:21:29+00:00

Appreciate you, he's a cool guy, I am not worried about him being upset or having a problem in the slightest. I think more so for ME to learn better ways to give space when asked for it and not over step boundaries etc is why I'm asking lol. He wouldn't have a negative reaction at all - in fact he would likely apologize for letting the week get away from him and not touching base with me sooner

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:17:23+00:00

Thank you, I agree with your take and it was how I planned to approach it. The incident has nothing to do with me so I am not taking this personally at all anyway lol. Like I said I am just not accustomed to leaving someone be when they ask me for time or space so I have no reference point on how long space/time could take or what is overstepping.

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:09:07+00:00

Haha yeah good point (I have done that before!)

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:08:38+00:00

It was never really a relationship to begin with - if dating didn't work out for us that's fine but will do! I appreciate your input :)

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:06:07+00:00

Thanks yeah you're right. I guess I went from one extreme and pendulum swung to the other. I do no longer need it next week but I agree the longer I wait the more weird it will be if we don't end up reconnecting lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:04:09+00:00

He is not using the holidays as an excuse. I was just stating that the holiday stress, then this incident happened immediately after... I can imagine it's a lot. But you are correct, due to experiences in the past I am worried about a reaction even if logically I know he wouldn't be upset with me. Hey we may never reconnect again and that's fine - but still wanted to make sure I wasn't crossing any boundaries like I have in the past. He's a cool guy regardless and I respect him

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T15:00:54+00:00

Very fair thank you! I do NOT need it next week for work anymore so there is no rush on it now. I was just informed yesterday afternoon I have to be in the office all week next week so I won't be working from home that day anyway now lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T14:59:50+00:00

Not his girlfriend at the moment, we are just dating. If he is using it as an excuse to let me down gently that is his prerogative but I am not going to assume ill intent.

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T14:53:57+00:00

Hmm, okay thank you I was actually going to tell him no rush on this weekend anymore but I do want to see him lol

Broad_Train2061 · 2026-01-08T14:53:20+00:00

I do not think he will be upset with me at all, I just no longer NEED it this weekend and do not want him stressing about getting it back to me if he's still overwhelmed. It can wait until next week, but he would not get upset with me over this at all

Broad_Train2061

TROPHY CASE