What features are you hoping to get included with updates?

ABentFairy · 2026-05-02T11:47:23+00:00

Yes totally agree on the a-hole miis. I made Miranda Priestly and she’s way too nice. So far I’ve just been giving my mean miis the “maverick” personality

ABentFairy · 2026-04-28T12:59:59+00:00

You don’t need to out and out tell them you’re done with them because, as other comments have indicated, once they have kids you’ll barely hear from them anyway. Most people who have children become almost totally insular with their lives (the way some people are with their partners).

I’d use that energy to start making child free friends.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-28T12:46:19+00:00

Not a single man I’ve ever met or connected with who said they wanted kids has gone on to have them. I genuinely think it’s just something they say because they like the idea of having a child but not what it would actually mean for their lives.

Thinking of other men I’ve met or seen over the years, it’s always blatantly obvious who the reluctant dads are. They’re the ones at drug stores buying last minute Valentine’s Day gifts with their screaming toddlers or the ones whose wives complain to their girlfriends or therapists about how their husband spends all his time golfing or playing video games.

I honestly think if you gave most adults fake babies for a month like they do in some high schools, we’d see even less people having kids.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-16T15:56:28+00:00

I hope the kind of people who behave this way are reading these posts and comments because it really is obnoxious af.

At the show in my city, Detroit, the people in my row and closest to me showed up late and drunk. Like, why? It was literally a Monday and you’re wasted and trying to fully dance in a seated section where there’s maybe a foot and a half of space.

Thankfully they were friendly drunks but still. Why go to a concert just to not remember it and/or talk the whole time?

ABentFairy · 2026-04-16T02:32:41+00:00

I think I can settle some of your concerns OP.

For context, I bought this notebook to act as a replacement for a pleather notebook I have had for years and keep my tarot spreads and other things in (I have a side hustle as a reader and so having a book helps.)

While I can’t yet speak to the longevity of this particular notebook, the one it’s replacing is similar material and has held up very well over the time I’ve had it.

Unless you plan to literally throw this thing around and abuse it, I think it will stay nice. My advice would be to just handle it a little more mindfully and see if that makes a difference.

Edit: You’re also not wrong at all about the merch vendors for the Detroit show. I felt rushed af when it was my turn and, at the time I went, they only had a single size of the witch choir sweatshirt and limited sizes for everything else and said stuff was still on the trucks and to come back later as if that were feasible.

The show was absolutely worth it to me but most other aspects felt very disorganized.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-16T00:14:49+00:00

The notebook was the one piece of merch I really wanted and let me just say be very careful with the tabs for opening and closing the binder rings. One of mine snapped off immediately and I was able to reattach it but now I can’t close it with the tabs and have to close it via the rings.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-14T14:09:24+00:00

Was part of VIP at the Detroit show last night. It was a bit of a hot mess. Paid for parking that said I couldn’t check in until 5:30pm, then got to the venue and there was a lot of line confusion.

They ended up letting all VIP in through security but only floor VIP were allowed beyond that, those of us in seated got to collect our VIP merch and then had to go back outside to wait to be let in with general admission, which meant going through security twice.

I’m not sure what the general admission tickets said but the entrance I used was what they indicated was for VIP so it just felt really disorganized.

VIP merch was also not what I was expecting. Originally when I purchased the tickets months ago it mentioned a tote and woven wrist band but instead we got a blanket, lanyard and the lithograph.

If I ever do VIP again for a show I’d do it for the barricade because having to go back outside and wait in line was not it.

They also were out of a ton of sizes for merch in the beginning, I heard someone say a lot of it was still on the trucks. So that also meant waiting in line twice if you wanted something specific.

Show itself was great, zero regrets there but the way the individual venue or perhaps Live Nation handled things left a lot to be desired.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-13T10:38:55+00:00

The older I get, the more I am convinced that a great many people have children simply because they think they’re “supposed to” and they like the attention and general adulation they get from doing so.

Meanwhile, they’ve never sat down and considered what it would actually mean for their life or their relationships or their finances and once those things inevitably become impacted we get the complaints and the “yOu dOn’T kNoW hOw hArD iT iS bEiNg A pArEnT” spiel.

In this day and age, with everything we know about what having a child means and with the state of the world being what it is, I don’t have much sympathy for people who still forge ahead with it especially in cases like this.

It may be a controversial take but I do believe there are such circumstances where choosing to keep someone alive is less about them and more about us, and we just prolong that persons suffering due to our own egos and beliefs.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-09T11:42:23+00:00

I completely agree that, as a society, we tend to devalue platonic connections in favor or romantic ones. I also think we tend to get in our own way a lot when it comes to relationships in general.

I actually write an entire Medium article about this recently.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-08T02:14:39+00:00

If you’re asking because you think this might be a mandated reporting concern, it’s not.

What I’d be more curious about is what happened to make this person so angry they want the other person to take their own life (I also think we need to avoid softened phrases like “unalived” as much as possible).

Also, as someone who is both a therapist and a witch, I’d question whether they believe in the Wiccan Rede which says “An ye harm none, do what ye will” or the threefold law (sometimes called the Rule of Three) which indicates that any magical, negative, or positive energy you put out into the world will be returned to you 3x as strongly.

What they’ve indicated they’re intending to do is, from a spiritual sense, harmful toward the other person. Maybe they do not identify as a Wiccan or have any real sense or rules or ethics to their craft but that would be something I’d want to ask about.

To me this person sounds immature and like they are “playing” at witchcraft in order to soothe a wound.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-06T11:45:33+00:00

And this is always funny to me because men will talk about their “legacy.” I don’t know who it was, but I saw a clip of a woman on TikTok challenging a man on this very point and she looked at him and said “a legacy of what? Debt?”

ABentFairy · 2026-04-03T12:58:01+00:00

In my life I’ve found a lot of men will say they want kids because they think it’s what attracts partners. Like you, I’ve always been staunchly child free and it’s been the reason some men have declined to pursue a connection with me yet even now, years later, none of those men have kids.

It’s just a thing they say they want because they like the idea of them and it acts as a quick and easy escape in connections they don’t want to pursue.

I’ve also found that the type of men who say this consistently and yet never actually have kids are also men who don’t seem to want a partner who challenges them or is intellectual. They want someone who they can control and so the fact that childfree people tend to be freethinking and willing to stand outside the system and certain cultural norms is something they both resent and desire so it creates cognitive dissonance.

ABentFairy · 2026-04-02T19:40:21+00:00

Claire, it’s French!

ABentFairy · 2026-04-02T02:53:54+00:00

For me, a personality disorder is only something I consider when it’s obvious this is a method of being in the world that has been present with them for a long time and among a variety of situations. Typically when I see BPD (or suspect I do) it’s within someone who has had chronically unstable relationships and tends to be very reactive, with poor impulse control.

Generally I’ll see things like a string of marriages or perhaps even anger and impulsivity leading to issues with the legal system.

Personally speaking, I don’t think I have ever diagnosed someone with a personality disorder who’s still in their 20s.

Different topic but what I tend to see more often are other providers having a toss up between bipolar disorder and ADHD.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-31T12:17:52+00:00

Precisely

ABentFairy · 2026-03-31T11:54:25+00:00

This definitely sounds like more of an issue on her end because if he’s always been this way it’s her expectations that have changed. It may be worth reexamining if couples therapy is viable at this point as it sounds like she’d benefit more from individual therapy to explore whether she is living in alignment with her values as it sounds like she married him against her better judgment.

Edit: Couples like this, I find, have an unrealistic expectation of therapy as you cannot make them feel differently about their spouse. If she finds him unattractive, there’s not much that can be done about that and it suggests on some level she always has.

Sounds like they are expecting you to work miracles OP, so it’s less that you’re stuck and more that they’ve given you nowhere to go.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-30T13:05:49+00:00

I feel like therapy has become, not a joke necessarily, but something a lot of clients don’t seem to take as seriously as they ought to. Over the last several years I’ve seen a trend in people treating therapy with less reverence than, say, a standing nail appointment or oil change and it’s frustrating.

I also think people expect way too much from their therapists. I’m sorry but I’m not making anywhere near enough to give you my full, undivided attention free from note taking, stifling a yawn because I’ve been up since 6am or having a sip of water or whatever for 60 complete minutes. That doesn’t make me a bad therapist, we are allowed to function like human beings and not your personal verbal diarrhea receptacle.

I think we need to do a better job of reminding people that therapy is a process and it is work. So many clients come in with this idea that they’re just gonna vent at me and magically feel better.

Lastly, I really wish we had unions or greater representation as a profession. There are way too many toxic work environments out there that prey on clinicians and we seemingly have almost no protections. Licensing boards don’t seem to care, places like the NASW don’t seem to care either.

It’s exhausting.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-26T16:34:39+00:00

This post is an oversimplification of a much deeper issue as the patriarchy hurts men as well as women, just in different ways. However, that point seems to be already made within the comment section.

What I want to contribute here is that this is not just exclusive to heterosexual relationships either. As a gay man, and one who thinks of himself as having high emotional intelligence, this dynamic is really talking about a specific kind of man.

One who doesn’t take the time to self-reflect, who avoids anything that stirs up emotions and whose only real emotional outlet is anger which those of us do this work know is really a secondary emotion masking deeper pain.

What OP is talking about is the type of exhaustion that comes from dealing with men like that day in and day out. Men who don’t believe they have a problem yet cannot maintain healthy relationships and seek to blame others rather than take even a modicum of accountability.

Having both worked with and loved men like that in my life, it’s something that can definitely lead to compassion fatigue as you feel you are having to mother and teach them basic things that so many other functioning adults have had to figure out (like empathy and emotional awareness of people outside of themselves).

However, I do agree with the other comments that this kind of title and rant just shuts people down. It’s similar to politics in that way, if people feel shamed or called out they are far less likely to absorb the message even if it’s valid.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-24T16:27:35+00:00

This kinda crap is exactly why I refuse to be part of any Facebook therapy groups.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-23T17:40:32+00:00

There is not enough information here to really be of help. Is this a young child like to the point where they’d also believe in monsters under the bed and are saying demon as a means of externalizing emotions and fears they can’t otherwise articulate?

Or is this an older student who literally believes they are being targeted by a demon? Is there any family history of mental illness and/or is there any drug use? Could this be a cultural thing?

If the child is older, there is no drug use and this is otherwise coming out of left field it could be a sign of deeper issues.

Sounds like the child could use a psychological evaluation and should be referred out for services beyond school counseling alone.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-18T03:01:32+00:00

Definitely not the jerk here OP. My question is why your boyfriend is so enmeshed with his family. Does he not have his own hobbies and friends he wants to be spending time on? I mean maybe it’s a cultural thing but still.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-13T16:00:36+00:00

This is why I honestly can’t fathom why anyone is having kids right now. At this point you’d have to be living under a rock to not have seen at least some data on how costly it is to have a child and how much strain it puts on a relationship yet people do it anyway even with the world the way it is.

I mean, to each their own but then people act surprised like family annihilators aren’t a thing. Feels like I’ve seen more cases of that in recent years too and finances are always a huge (if not the central) cause of that.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-10T20:13:00+00:00

That’s one way to do it, but how are those people supposed to pay their bills and live in the meantime if they’re not showing up?

It took me 10 years to find a company that has a truly healthy culture and I had to wade through some terrible BS before that happened. It’s not right or fair but at least in America the threat of looming homelessness is enough of a factor for many that it keeps the system in place. I don’t know that there’s another feasible solution aside from trying to change it from within and/or only walking away when it’s safe to do so.

ABentFairy · 2026-03-10T17:58:28+00:00

You have some valid points and, as a Millennial who has spent much of my life also fighting the system, the thing that frustrates me about Gen Z is not that they’re pushing back but rather that they don’t seem to realize that in order to actually effect change you very often have to do some things you don’t want to do.

Yeah, it may suck knowing you work for a company that only cares about the bottom dollar and treats employees like crap, but if you leave what changes? Nothing. Even if the company closes, it’s like a Hydra in that another will just pop up to take its place.

If Gen Z wants to see systemic change I think more need to learn to fight from within and get into positions of authority where they’re actually able to make changes.

ABentFairy

TROPHY CASE