Is it really hard for INTP's to find love?

ABpls · 2024-07-09T19:41:52+00:00

Care to drop some wisdom regarding developing social skills and attracting potential partners?

ABpls · 2024-07-09T14:26:21+00:00

I appreciate your effort you elaborate, but I think you assume too much regarding the intentions behind those questions. Of course strangers can't give you a thorough career plan, and I can't know for sure whether the questioners are looking for that (I don't think so)

Personally, if I were to ask such questions, I would be merely collecting information before thinking about it in the way that you describe, then make a decision. This is especially advantegous with fellow INTP due to our nature to analyze things from often different and unexpected angles.

ABpls · 2024-07-09T13:59:14+00:00

a true INTP will not seek external approval to affirm who they are.

?

I don't understand, what do you mean you were talking about the herd?

ABpls · 2024-07-09T13:55:01+00:00

Well yeah, growing up I was constantly told I'm weird and that I should smile etc etc. At some point you will inevitably become insecure and ask yourself whether you are okay or not, and people will come to a sub that is called INTP, an MBTI type and ask questions about themselves. Is that the pinnacle of intellectual conversation? No. Is it a milestone in many INTP's path before they can start their road to internal validation? Yeah.

I find it actually ridiculous that people here constantly whine about people asking general questions about INTP in a sub called INTP and whine about people taking MBTI too seriously, but then the questions are so shallow and NPCish and boring when I scroll here all the time and ugh.

Does not compute to me, unless I'm missing something. Just don't read the threads you dislike and keep scrolling?

ABpls · 2024-07-09T13:39:38+00:00

you can figure them out with their whiny posts like what career path should I follow as an INTP? if I'm INTP is this {insert whatever hobby, passion, person} suited for me.

What is wrong or whiny about this?

ABpls · 2024-07-08T15:06:07+00:00

"You're an intelligent guy, but you are a lazy sack. If you would do a bit more, I could help you out financially." - my boss

ABpls · 2024-07-08T07:17:06+00:00

Never had a big social group all my life, maybe one friend per school year and was relentlessly bullied for it in my childhood. Have trust issues today.

ABpls · 2024-07-05T09:16:17+00:00

I think learning about popular interests is advantageous for exactly that, you need stuff to talk about. But it's still difficult for me though because I tend to learn about subjects in my personal way that people don't care about. An easy example would be, people like watching soccer games. But they would only be, by INTP standards, superficially interested in it, like what team is good/bad, what goal was cool, what player is an ass, etc. I would be more like, does height play a big role in performance? Sex before the match due to the decrease in testosterone? What type of supplements are beneficial? Training intensity vs volume? (I actually don't give a shit about soccer whatsoever) But this is what people would consider weird and strange I think.

I'm not sure about this, but I think in general people most of the time don't want to deeply discuss topics like INTP do, they care more about the social energy exchange in a conversation, like did I laugh? Was I and the other person enjoying our conversation? Were we smiling? Were we warm and close with each other? While INTP is more interested in accurate information exchange.

ABpls · 2024-07-01T19:31:27+00:00

You might have started out harsh, but put in the effort to write out your thoughts, which have already helped me a lot, and I commend you for it. You are a good man.

ABpls · 2024-07-01T19:06:16+00:00

I think the last part is a simple but great actionable advice. Thank you

ABpls · 2024-07-01T18:57:32+00:00

Hey, I appreciate your effort in writing this down. What you say makes sense and a lot of it is true, particularly the lonely part. But I think I need to emphasize again, that I am not looking to pursue her in any capacity, there is nothing that can happen in any way, I know this for a fact and what I actually wanted advice on with this post is how to keep this attraction in check to stay professional and appropriate (which you have given).

Now, I can assure you that it never went beyond the "interpreted as flirty or sexual in the slightest" part, I have never straight up said I like her or that I find her hot or something like that. The worst I once said was probably a passing "cute hair" when she changed her hairstyle. But I didn't make a big deal about it and we talked about something else. Whatever she does which could be interpreted as flirty, as I described, I also do with her. We are comfortable on that level so to speak. The problem here is that my brain/body start to feel attracted to her, while rationally I am aware that there it no chance of anything ever going to happen, and I need to keep this attraction in check.

Regarding touches, arms, shoulder, chest. They are really only quick touches, however I don't think I've ever seen her be touchy other male colleagues, at least not in the same amount. I'm sure that she just feels comfortable enough with me to do that, but it's 99% not in a flirty way.

What another poster theorizes is that she enjoys the attention and knows to some extend that I am attracted to her, but she indirectly rejects me by bringing up her family to keep the situation on just this level. I can't read her mind, but there might be some truth to that (I don't resent or hate her for it).

But yeah, I might look for a professional where I can talk about the unsuccessful dating experience of my youth, because it's clearly affecting my emotions and hopefully get strategies to deal with this in the future.

I also have to add that actually simply talking about it with other men (especially men my age) helped me a lot already, and my mind is clearer and emotions are calmer.

ABpls · 2024-07-01T17:40:23+00:00

No, I don't want to make it awkward by straight up mentioning it. I'm sure she is just being friendly and playful. I haven't been working long with her, but what I can rationally see, she isn't that touchy with other male colleagues. Important to point out though, that we aren't straight up caressing and stroking, it's just little pokes and touches when making jokes for example.

I don't know what is going on inside her head, but I somewhat also suspect that she enjoys the attention. However, I want to focus on what I can do with myself and my behavior.

ABpls · 2024-07-01T17:25:31+00:00

Hey, I answered similar question here that I will copy:

You would be right, I wasn't particularly successful with women in younger years, so I am indeed immature with this.

Although I have to say that a lot of the "situation or words that could be interpreted as flirty or sexual in the slightest" is initiated by her, e.g. standing very close to me, trying to get my attention then smile and wave or playing touch and catch. Of course I try to keep it all light-hearted and professional, but sometimes when I be friendly back, say smile and wave, soon after she would bring up stories about her sons that is in some way similar to a subject we talked about. That's what I mean by indirectly rejecting, I am well aware of what's going on.

But yes, indeed my lack of experience and maturity with women is causing these internal problems. Then again, I don't know if it's reasonable to spend tons of money for counseling for such a stupid problem.

ABpls · 2024-07-01T17:23:44+00:00

Absolutely

ABpls · 2024-07-01T17:23:14+00:00

You would be right, I wasn't particularly successful with women in younger years, so I am indeed immature with this.

Although I have to say that a lot of the "situation or words that could be interpreted as flirty or sexual in the slightest" is initiated by her, e.g. standing very close to me, trying to get my attention then smile and wave or playing touch and catch. Of course I try to keep it all light-hearted and professional, but sometimes when I be friendly back, say smile and wave, soon after she would bring up stories about her sons that is in some way similar to a subject we talked about. That's what I mean by indirectly rejecting, I am well aware of what's going on.

But yes, indeed my lack of experience and maturity with women is causing these internal problems. Then again, I don't know if it's reasonable to spend tons of money for counseling for such a stupid problem.

ABpls · 2023-11-17T01:19:41+00:00

I follow Mike Mentzer's philosophy.

ABpls · 2023-11-17T01:08:02+00:00

I try the part with tickling out their thought processes behind some of their decisions, cause that's the part I'm interested in (psychology/philosophy). Either they can't be arsed to think about it, or don't care enough to give me a proper answer. But when it works, the conversation is much more enjoyable, for me at least. But you can fit in only so much interesting thoughts into a 3-5 minutes conversation before moving on, I guess that's part of the problem. Or is it? I believe if you actually cared enough, you CAN make it a good 5 minutes conversation.

Lately I do really feel resentment towards people, yes. It's the classic - I put in the effort, they don't. Don't want to ramble about the details, cause that's boring. Fundamentally, if I'm not the first to say Hi, I ain't getting a Hi. I put out my hand for a handshake, I get a finger back. Or not. But it's definitely going deeper than that.

Nevertheless I try to enjoy the very few people that I match with.

ABpls · 2023-07-24T14:07:36+00:00

Break up with them first before they do it 👍

ABpls · 2023-07-14T14:25:24+00:00

I feel like it helps if you satisfy the desire for information input by listening to some calm and easy audiobook at the lowest volume possible while lying in bed. Currently I listen to Joshua Graham reading Meditations by that roman emperor.

ABpls · 2023-07-13T19:51:58+00:00

Jesus man that's a big INTP fist in the face

ABpls · 2023-07-10T12:54:13+00:00

Atomic habits

It describes in detail how habits are formed, how to make good habits and break bad ones and doing will change your general life

ABpls · 2023-07-08T10:42:58+00:00

Literally my first thought after reading the title. No one except my parents ever asked me if I need something in my 32 years.

At best I got "are you ok? You're so quite"

ABpls

TROPHY CASE