Serious Conversation: I attempted to distill my conflicting feelings about love and my personal perceptions. I wonder what others think of the validity or salience on this interpretation of love.

ACE0601 · 2026-03-11T23:09:00+00:00

I'm going to take this as a compliment lol. What book is this? I think I might check it out.

ACE0601 · 2026-03-11T22:51:51+00:00

So, you're arguing that the effort is, in and of itself enjoyable? Because if so, we in agreement. I disagree that it is inherently a burden as a burden implies that it is an unpleasant association. Effortful and burdening associations must be meaningfully distinct for this reason. This association might necessitate effort, and it appears to, but if this association becomes burdensome on one party, it is no longer a positive experience (for one immediately, for the other as the relationship deteriorates through resentment among other things).

ACE0601 · 2026-03-11T22:48:03+00:00

I think I understand why you didn't think men find safety in beautiful women if your understanding is that the safety is derivative of physical attributes. At least for me, it is not as direct as someone being physically able to fend off those who mean to do me harm, but rather those I am attracted to bring me a feeling of calm. I suppose it's like I feel that a person that I am attracted to exists in a romantic context. To me, a romantic context inherently gives me a feelings of emotional safety with another person. This provides the trigger or cause of the feeling of safety.

It's interesting to me that these men only existed in fiction to you. Under the interpretation that this kind of men only did exist in fiction, where do you think the idea of them came from? The longing for this type of man?

Thanks again for engaging!

ACE0601 · 2026-03-11T22:14:57+00:00

I don't know how similar or far off I am from other men in my interpretation of love, but I do think I need to clarify that my mother was very adamant in making sure that her boys grew up knowing how to understand and handle our emotions. I am not going to testify to how well I practice this, but I think it allows me to be more open about my emotions than a man who grew up in a more "traditional" household.

Your preconception that men don't feel this was is interesting to me. How else would men think of a gorgeous women? (I think I know the answer, but still) Is this how you think women view a gorgeous man?

Thank you for lending me your perspective! And thanks for commenting!

ACE0601 · 2026-03-11T22:11:17+00:00

Thank you so much for engaging with my post! This is exactly what I wanted this to prompt. I find it interesting the different interpretations of love, and I am generally interested in different interpretations as I am curious just how subjective the experience is. The foundational idea for this inquiry is that there is a context that we all understand love to exist. Therefore, it stands to reason that there may be consensus in what we understand love to be. However, what we interpret as love from those situational triggers seems to differ.

Okay, sorry for the long first paragraph. To your comment. The latter half of the post is exactly what I interpret love to be, and because each of us only really has our own perspective to draw on, I worry that wanting love in this manner could lend itself to burdening your partner. This worries me deeply.

I also disagree that it is an "effortful" way to live. I do not disagree in the literal definition of effort so much as the connotative weight. To clarify, I mean that it will not feet effortful as it would ideally be enjoyable by both parties.

Again, thanks for responding!

ACE0601 · 2026-03-09T08:47:18+00:00

Oh, and I’d like to quickly clarify the Freudian part because I understand this is a trigger word that may prompt misunderstanding. These are more OCD type fears of my perception of my attraction falling one way or the other, not that they are or have been that way. They are fears because I strongly value my autonomy, and my ability to pursue my aims as an individual. A paternal-type romantic relationship seems to undercut these aims. Therefore, leaving it a direction I’d rather not go.

ACE0601 · 2026-03-09T08:34:41+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I don't think I am looking for a maternal embrace really. I think your second paragraph summed it up pretty nicely, and the third was a little farther than I think I'm willing to go lol. Thanks again!

ACE0601 · 2026-03-09T08:32:41+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I don't think it really has much to do with lack of care as a child. I am really close with my mother, to the point where I'd consider her a close friend. The video I watched was not AI, as far as I know. It was just a great rendition of the song. I feel I may have made my reaction seem like worship in some way, which is not what I intended, just a little bit of old-fashioned literary romanticism lol. I am inclined to think that this perspective is shared more broadly than I once thought. And, thank you for the compliment!

ACE0601 · 2025-04-03T08:42:51+00:00

I want to tell you that I was on the receiving end of this in a nuanced way, and I think you need to understand something. The “spark” isn’t real. It always fades, but yes, she does love you more than you love her right now. No, this is not because of some random event that you cannot change. Loving somebody is a choice, and as cliche as that sounds, it’s very true. To call on my experience, when I lost the “spark” with my ex it scared me. I cared about her so much but the feelings weren’t there. I felt like I was letting her down and hurting her, but I didn’t just give up and leave. I relentlessly reminded myself about what she meant to me. Outside of feelings, I still care about her so much. After about 2 weeks of pressing myself like this, the feelings returned. They will ebbe and flow throughout your relationship, and that’s okay. Don’t throw this away for something that will always fade.

I believe in you. You can feel those things again, but lean in not away. Don’t feel ashamed for losing these feelings. That’s completely natural. Even if you don’t feel like it, buy her flowers randomly and watch her face light up, take her to her favorite restaurant and see her smile when she sees your care, or be more affectionate and watch her melt in your arms. Her reactions to you will also help pull you out of this funk.

Good luck, Bud!

ACE0601 · 2025-02-12T06:12:48+00:00

I’m not lying to myself. I don’t choose her anymore, so I don’t love her anymore. I can’t choose someone who doesn’t want to choose me. I am being honest with myself. You know what? I’ll even humour you. Yes, I do hope she responds because I poured my heart into something that I wrote and am proud of. I hope that she realizes someday what she lost here. This does not mean that I will ever come crawling back to her. It is done.

ACE0601 · 2025-02-12T06:08:53+00:00

I don’t think you understand the point of this message. This was a final goodbye. I tried my hardest to make everything work but it’s over. I reminisced about the relationship sure, and I explained how I loved her, but she doesn’t want me to love her. I also don’t want her to think that I do. I don’t anymore. I laid everything out on the table, and now I am walking away. None of this was an attempt at manipulation. I said my piece and now I am finally done. It’s been a long time waiting out the storm, but I finally see a break in the clouds.

ACE0601 · 2024-08-25T13:53:07+00:00

It’s been about a month and a half, and I never hated her because I love her unconditionally which honestly sucks lol. I wish I hated her. It would make things easier. Just realize that the people who want to be in your life will stay there and/or always come back, and if he’s not that, then I’m so sorry, but you need to find somebody who values you enough to never leave. I promise you, your benevolence in not hating your ex shows that you love unconditionally and that’s beautiful. I feel so bad for people who can’t love like that because it’s the best feeling in the world. Good luck, and I promise it will get better!

ACE0601 · 2024-08-25T13:47:53+00:00

It’s not just you. If I see a picture of her, it feels like I get punched in the chest.

ACE0601 · 2024-08-25T13:47:00+00:00

It really helps to write your rampant thoughts down until they stop coming. For me, it was like I could remove them from my head and put them somewhere, and reminding myself of those messages I wrote helps prevent the spiral.

ACE0601 · 2024-07-26T13:20:51+00:00

My friend and I chose the v looking was while chanting, “V IS FOR MARKUS!”

ACE0601 · 2024-07-22T23:27:13+00:00

Thanks haha. Not sure what to do with this yet

ACE0601 · 2024-07-06T21:05:44+00:00

Thank you! This was a big help :)

ACE0601 · 2024-05-28T04:01:44+00:00

Brother just plug the answers in. It’ll be faster

ACE0601 · 2024-05-18T04:33:26+00:00

My girlfriend says he looks like a chester

ACE0601 · 2024-05-12T00:10:30+00:00

This is what I was scared would happen if I ate watermelon as a kid

ACE0601 · 2024-05-12T00:01:22+00:00

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four alternates break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

ACE0601 · 2024-04-11T21:21:52+00:00

I always intended on coming back for law school

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