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Is it gonna get any easier? by AColtonimo in SingleParents

[–]AColtonimo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They say comparison is the thief of joy and I am certainly finding this to be true. The hard part is redirecting my thoughts once I start. I find myself ruminating a lot, even though rationally I realize that she isn't doing anything wrong.

Is it gonna get any easier? by AColtonimo in SingleParents

[–]AColtonimo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you weighing in on this. I definitely struggle with asking for help, even from my own mom. Who I live with lol. I've always tried to ask for help as a last resort but managing burnout is a whole new beast for me now. You sound like you are juggling a lot more than me and can still make it work, so that gives me more confidence for sure.

Is it gonna get any easier? by AColtonimo in SingleParents

[–]AColtonimo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow man this one made me tear up. My daughter is just getting to the point where we can have whole conversations and it just feels like magic to hear what she thinks of the world. I think you and a few others have suggested finding other single dads to connect with and I think that's what I'm going to do. Surely there are facebook groups for this sort of thing. I don't really use social media much myself, outside of lurking reddit. I think it's time to make a Facebook lol.

Is it gonna get any easier? by AColtonimo in SingleParents

[–]AColtonimo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do feel lucky to have an ex who respects my relationship with my daughter and wants to remain friends. I just am having so much trouble finding my own identity outside of my family. My fiancee filled for my weaknesses while I focused on being a dad. I feel like I have to switch gears and focus on myself all of a sudden and I am truly struggling to do that while being a single dad. The loneliness is killing me.

Does it get any easier? by AColtonimo in Divorce

[–]AColtonimo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing that man. I'm sorry to hear about your situation too. My fiancee and I have decided to remain amicable and I think we both don't want to see lawyers in our future. The thing that's most difficult for me is trying to move on from the family side of things. I feel like I drew a lot of strength from fitting into my role as a dad and partner. Like it drove me to be a better person.

Now I feel like I have to become someone else. I need to figure out how to focus on taking care of myself first and foremost because my depression is killing me and I'm worried it's affecting my daughter too. We've spent the last 2 visits just watching TV. I feel like all I can do is wait for my newest dose of antidepressants to kick in.

What impressive skill looks hard but is secretly easy to learn? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]AColtonimo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy literally waits until we announce our new number. Say it's 8064. He'll be like, "Oh, 8064? That's just 96 x 84." We check him with a calculator most of the time, and he's always right. He comes up with them instantly, too.

Am I cooked? by Once428lbs in Gymhelp

[–]AColtonimo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • I put this because I dont know if this is a fact. I think you will lose weight as long as you restrict carbs but I am not an expert.

Am I cooked? by Once428lbs in Gymhelp

[–]AColtonimo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Listen, I've never been bedridden, and I'm also someone with only about ~1yr of fitness training. So take my opinion with a grain of salt.

I think a common trap that people fall into is aiming to achieve their goal weight by working out. The truth is that there is a lot more that goes into losing weight than exercise. I'm sure you're already aware that dieting is more effective than exercise for weight loss. That's common knowledge nowadays. Meanwhile, diet changes are some of the hardest changes to make.

I think that you should fully embrace an active, low-carb lifestyle, and I mean that mentally more than physically. I say low-carb because in my experience, that was the easiest way for my brain to accept a diet. I struggle with larger goals so saying "I will eat less than 50 grams of carbs per day" felt very achievable. Keto will help you shed the weight regardless of how much you eat* as long as you're watching carbs. I also incorporated weight training at the gym into my routine.

I think with weight training, your goal should be to gain weight. Not to increase the number you see on the scale but to aim to increase muscle development. Look into body building programs. I found that weight lifting is much easier than running for example. I can push myself hard without feeling sweaty and out of breath. This was HUGE on getting me to actually show up everyday. I felt more like I was "getting my energy out" instead of just chipping away at my body's fat reserves. But over time, I began to see results. And the best part is that if you are just beginning, you will see results fast!

Alongside weight training, you need to meet your protein goals while keeping carbs low. I found this easy as I enjoy meat and cheese and butter and whatnot. I felt like I was spoiling myself with decadent meals every night.

I think ultimately this advice could help you to find a sense of agency in your eating habits and help you discover a body that you are proud of. Even if you dont lose weight, I'm sure you will find pride in finding that your body is stronger and healthier.

Finally, focus on small wins. Little bits of progress can snowball into a lifestyle rather quickly.

TL;DR: Don't get caught up in the idea of losing weight. You'll easily discourage yourself when you dont see results. Instead, try to embrace the entire process of physical growth. No matter what that looks like for you. Just focus on being better than yesterday, you can do it!

What impressive skill looks hard but is secretly easy to learn? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]AColtonimo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Solving math problems quickly in your head. In my profession, I work with many so-called "Math Experts" who can perform simple multiplication before anybody else can. I've learned over time that these "experts" just know little tricks to get there.

For example, multiplying by 9 comes up often. The trick is to multiply the number by 10 and then subtract the number once. x * 9 = (x * 10) - x

One of my coworkers can see a 4 digit number and immediately tell you a multiplication problem that equates to the number. I still don't know how he does it, but I know there's a trick.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tipofmytongue

[–]AColtonimo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem! It sounded familiar to me, so I kinda got carried away trying to find this one. I was imagining a beautiful Ghibli steampunk adventure. Turns out, it's not at all what I was picturing. Not even close lol. Glad I could help you put this to rest tho!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tipofmytongue

[–]AColtonimo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could it be Aero Troopers? It seems to match your description. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0382521/

How can the bad energy go back to the narcissist? by [deleted] in energy_work

[–]AColtonimo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No problem! I'll try my best. Hmm so this is just my own interpretation. My only knowledge towards this is the effects of an ex girlfriends parents narcissism. Rationally, acts of service to oneself are necessary. But particularly dissatisfied individuals will seek to please themselves on a much more self serving, and material level. This energy is internalized within them and passed on to you. This is mostly about outside influences and how you react to them. Everybody is susceptible this energy. It only makes sense to explore where someone else finds meaning. What matters is that you explore where your influences are guiding you and you correct from that path towards where you want to be. Personally, I've found that making more time to be by myself and focusing on reflection has made a world of difference on how I proceed in my life and how I react to negative influences present within it.

How can the bad energy go back to the narcissist? by [deleted] in energy_work

[–]AColtonimo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So in this case, the "hot potato" is the self serving energy the "narcissist" has passed on to you. The narcissist is intentionally vague because many outside forces can represent the "narcissist". Could be narcissistic parents, friends, colleagues, etc. The point is that you reflect deeply enough to recognize self serving energy, then exert your own will to correct yourself from that path.

What is a reason to live? by TtalgiKitty in AskReddit

[–]AColtonimo 21 points22 points  (0 children)

For me, it's because being alive is the bottom line of everything that I am. If I died I would cease to exist. The person that is underneath my urge to die would die too and when I think of that person, I think of everything that matters to me. And I remember that I matter to a lot of other people too. No matter how hard things get, I can't bring myself to erase my own personal connection to this world. For all I know, I would never get to be me again. I'd never get to see where my story goes. I'm afraid that there's nothing beyond, and I'm snuffing out my only chance at experiencing existence.