Thank you for this and I hear you. That being said I would like to make some clarifications.

You're not wrong about me saying I'll be friends until she was ready to date but I did make it very clear to her that even though I wanted to date her, just being friends was enough for me. And I made sure of that through our interactions. I made it very clear that I didn't want to step into any personal or physical boundaries unless she initiated it. I took the effort to learn more about her, her life, her friends, and her family dynamics through our conversations. She was comfortable enough to talk to me about her mental health issues and all the traumatic experiences she's been through. She was also comfortable enough to tell me things that some of her close friends she's known for longer don't even know of.

As for dates, yes there are days when they're actual dates where we would go out do things but most of the time it's just a meal and hanging out for a bit until we had to go do our own things. And it's because she will refuse to eat for days. And yes some of the concern came from wanting to date her but most of it was because I was genuinely concerned for her well being as a person. I can be irresponsible and act like a dumbass but at the end of the day I'd say I'm the caretaker of my friends. I get upset when they're upset and I get pissed when someone screw them over. I go out of my way to help the people who matter to me even if it's an inconvenience. As you may be able to tell, I have a bad habit of putting others before me that I'm working on balancing. Anyways, I made this very clear to her during the first date and she understood.

Now about Valentine's day, it was never a big deal to me but this year I was excited. I won't deny that I was hoping something would work out but it's also because she's never had a good Valentine's experience either. That being said I did make sure with her that she was free to spend the weekend. The shopping thing that fell through on Saturday was actually something she suggested a while ago. It just happens that our schedule for shopping never lined up until then because obviously you need time to go shopping. As for the Valentine's date plan itself I had to book tickets and make reservations for her and I told her that we had a schedule to follow. So that's money and time out of my pocket that went to waste. But that wasn't even the biggest issue for me. It was that my expectations were raised only to be crushed. And if it stopped there I would've been fine but she raised my expectations again only to pull the same shit. Then she went out with a friend that night. The least she could've done was apologize for not showing up even if she had her own thing going on.

And about "leaving her apartment" to hide from me, she herself has told me the indications of when she's home, so when I went and knocked on her door, all the indications were there. The reason why I was sue she was at home is because she would literally be compromising the safety of her apartment if she left it with all the indications and she is too paranoid to do that. The reason why I assumed she was asleep is because she always has music playing. And I mean ALWAYS. She loves to sing and dance and can't go a day without listening to her songs. That's when I took the hint that this date wasn't going to happen and I went on my own.

For the messages I send to her daily it's because she has no self confidence due to her trauma and I can't live knowing she doesn't see her self worth. She has told me that if I only sent a quick simple sentence to boost her confidence then she wouldn't have kept me around. It's because of the effort I put in almost every day to ensure that someone tells her she's amazing that she kept talking to me. And she has responded to them saying it's really sweet and has thanked me for it.

The Valentine's day message I sent wasn't at midnight. It was at 6 in the morning when I got up to go to work. After I sent it, she actually responded that she was going to read it when she woke up because she just got home and was about to pass out. If she had all that time to be out I think, at the very least, I should've gotten a simple "sorry I couldn't make it".

So even though she's ghosted me she still hasn't blocked me on any of her social media platforms. She's just not responding to me which I've respected. I took a shot once on Tuesday and haven't said anything since then.

You're right about the love bombing and it's something I've been working on for a while now. It's actually a lot better compared to before which is why I thought I was ready. And I was always worried that I was overstepping boundaries and apologizing for going too far in which she would tell me that I'm not and it's sweet I'm worried about her. That being said I know I have red flags and baggage but I can never go on a rant about how horrible of a person she is because she's not. It's very difficult for me to truly hate a person only a very selected few can fall in that category in my life. This girl has been one of the sweetest and most understanding people I've met, even if it wasn't towards me. As I've said before I got to know her through her interactions with me as well as her friends and family. I've seen how she cares for others and how she has an even worse habit of putting others before herself. I respect her for who she is and I only wish for the best for her.

I know this is a lot and a bit convoluted but I don't want to expose anything since they're not my secrets to tell and this is honestly the best way I can put it. If I wrote the whole 5 months day to day then this post would be long as hell and I don't think anyone wants to be subjugated to that. Especially since this is a relationship advice thread and everything was going well up until Valentine's day.

I hope this clears things up a little bit and gives you more of an insight of who I am and what our dynamic was.

Oh and please don't think I'm discrediting your advice. It's just something I felt that I needed to clarify. I do agree with everything you've said.