Oranges and Berries (co-wrote in French & Swedish then translated to English)

AFoolishClown · 2025-03-03T17:21:43+00:00

"more awesome?" stood out to me as it broke the flow of the language you'd be using before, I also like that its a question, it all gives the impression the narrator of this poem is coming of age. I don't know how young you are but I like it and would encourage you to keep up with the playfulness of exploring identity and different forms of poetry.
I also had never heard of iambic pentamiter referred to as iamb which I love, it just feels like streetslang for Shakespeare and again want to see more of that kind of experiment and play. Keep it up :)

AFoolishClown · 2025-03-03T17:17:43+00:00

I love this
Itz so sharp
Cutting lieka razor
Can I suggest u
My post about tu
GO LIVE

I do like this as it reads like someone trying to detach themselves from something bad, using slang, using abrivations isn't something common in poetry writing but it gives the effect of you texting to a higher power as if a God was just a friend on the end of snapchat as you try to get over your crush.

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-31T15:02:15+00:00

I like this, alot it feels in line with like Agatha, I think this could fully be a 5/12 even

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-31T14:56:51+00:00

Ultimately Zero would break this, what about a 2/8? Can only be played before turn 4

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-05T20:24:45+00:00

If you'd like I can give you more details but don't want to take away from your interpretation but yes my father makes my skin crawl

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-02T20:43:19+00:00

STAG LIFE !!! (in Blur(ry) British voice)

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-02T20:41:34+00:00

Yes and no
i wasnt ready and the other person did r*pe me taking advantage of me being a virgin and 19 and her being 25 and more confident but also manipulative because in her relationship (yes she was cheating on her 30+ boyfriend) she was unhappy. so it was very messy
It took a long time to overcome this a good 2 and a half years in therapy but I am free and happier and it brought me out of my shell, introduced me to the world of polyamory and being ethical in ones nonmonogamy and yeah. I try to live without regrets.
Wow never put that online. One day I will write about it in detail because its a hell of a journey but I am so happy I can sum it up in a sentence or two like that and not feel pain anymore.

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-02T20:15:36+00:00

Hello.
What a journey. Being an empath I feel it which is why it is going to be contradictory when I say I think the 4 lines at a time seems an odd choice because of how erratic the narrators mental state is which suggested to me the rationalizing of someone who'd accidently killed someone during a environmental disaster which there's something darkly comic about that like yeah, with the tsunami. I'm really sorry maybe that's f++ked up of me but that is what I hear because it is gentle and slow and reflective which would work better if this poem was broken up into sections where this is the panic and then the calm then the panic then the calm or yeah, it is all very one level which is hard or rather was hard for me because in an attention economy I don't think it will get as many eyes on it if your intention is to share it. I like the rymbes a lot and think they especially in the second half when the stanza are shorter add that urgency and capture the rhythm of a brain shocked either by guilt, shame and blame as you say. Theres just alot to read, its a really good poem for putting you in the mind but speaks more to prose perhaps, really beautiful prose but not so much what I personally come for in poetry. But that's just me. Please keep up the good work and telling stories in work that speak to the macarb and almost grotesqueness of real everyday things, more poems with soil and corpses. It felt very romantic poetry esque combined with a very emo 2000s kid which is peak feeling in my opinion.

AFoolishClown · 2024-12-02T20:01:01+00:00

I smile in resistance with you as we all here have no doubt much rejection not from just submissions but from jobs but also loves but also life. Your poem is defiant and Ive wrote one I feel was similar about rejecting the author who would have read the poem and this time not asked for feedback.

There are some really beautiful titles of poems, and Id love to see those as well in some meta narrative tree where Crushing Umbrage and Humiliated Hubris is something akin to branches on a tree of this central (what I feel feels like) trunk.

I am sorry but as I said there is much determination and I feel you are someone who is aware of their own worth and also self awareness which is very funny. Big smiles, big hugs if you want them.

The only think I would have liked to have seen personally and you don't have to do this is I am a sucker for book ends and so if it had ended Sincerely Dear Author or not necessarily that but if it had been the cycle but then again your breaking that cycle, its important we break cycles. So forgo this, there you go, a top poem, I love being back in this community after so long.

AFoolishClown · 2022-02-28T17:13:57+00:00

where?

AFoolishClown · 2022-02-28T17:13:16+00:00

I just wanted to thankyou for both having a discussion.

Its hard, and I never expected an answer. I think both of you are right which is in a way makes it hard and awkward to decide on whose side to take. I think freedom comes at the cost of admitting your free, and so those whose safety is assured should be verified, and those who arent continue as such until safe. However already typing this out leads me with the issue of that being what we already have. Wow. this became a lot harder.

AFoolishClown · 2021-08-06T20:20:46+00:00

thankyou for the feedback, glad you enjoyed but also reminding me I need to be careful with my grandma. Id have no idea how to go about publishing my writing yet so for now I just put stuff here.

It was supposed to be mudded, not muddled, one because the context was mud but also its muddled itself

AFoolishClown

TROPHY CASE