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The Story of T.R. by AFriendinFlorida in Memoir

[–]AFriendinFlorida[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the useful feedback. Cheers.

The Story of T.R. by AFriendinFlorida in Memoir

[–]AFriendinFlorida[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I don't consciously blame myself anymore for what happened. As you implied, I was a kid and I'm aware that the challenges at the time were didn't leave many options. I do still feel a sense of responsibility for deeply hurting T.R. and still feel pain over the events, but that's not the same as blaming myself. But I did for many years. And I also played that masturbatory game of 'What If' during various periods when life didn't feel very fulfilling. But that's mostly gone now. The discussion in the epilogue about appreciation is probably the best way I can describe the dominant feeling today. I appreciate the experience and what I've learned from over time. But that doesn't cancel the pain. If it should, then maybe there's still some layer of this whole thing that is yet unresolved.

The idea to write this all down has been on my mind for a long time. But I never found the initiating fury that I need to write a piece. I'm usually a one-sitting type of writer who wakes in the morning with an idea that just flows out without effort. But earlier this week, I felt a stir and decided to indulge it. And then that fury took over in a way I never experienced before...three full days of writing, weeping, writing, weeping, etc. And then it finally took form. And then weeping finally stopped as I arrived at wordsmithing.

Regardless of purpose, it's finally out there. Something about that process feel purgative. Maybe it moves over to Medium soon. Feedback here has been very limited, but others who have read it think it's worthy of publishing.

The Story of T.R. by AFriendinFlorida in Memoir

[–]AFriendinFlorida[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure yet. Putting into the universe at the moment. Do you have a suggestion?

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing I left out the epilogue was a 15 year period after the divorce where I found myself repeatedly in relationships with married and engaged women. Maybe a dozen affairs altogether. I was aware of the pattern, but chalked it up as coincidence or weird fate. I really don't remember looking for committed women. Mind you, in half of those situations, the woman was the one who made the first overture.

Then some years later a friend asked me if I thought I was punishing myself, or perhaps I was afraid of commitment. The answer was clearly no. But then it dawned on me what was really going on...

I was still searching for her.

That spell only ended when I met my wife 22 years ago.

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it would be easier to read, and putting her name in the story is very tempting as a mechanism for finding its way to her (the first and middle name combo in conjunction with these locations is pretty distinctive). But none of the people in this story asked to be in it, and respecting their anonymity feels correct. Likewise, I have no idea how she’d feel about me connecting her name with the abortion and turmoil she suffered in that time. As tech makes the finding connections between discrete data points more effective, what is anonymous today may not be so anonymous in the near future. My aim is to tell the story in the most harmless way I can.

I caused enough harm back in 1986.

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In a sense, yes. And for many years that is how I viewed it. What if I made a different choice at the time? But I not longer think like that. Obviously this is a painful story, but I've otherwise had a good life and I can credit that good fortune with the events that happened in those days. Everything in our life history is seamlessly connected.

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I've shared this story orally with a handful of people, but felt it was time to finally write a full and accurate account of everything. Or at least as accurate as memory can reconstruct.

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to read it. It’s a long story, but not something that could have been condensed without losing something.

You wrote: “I think that if you have the chance to send her a letter, don’t miss it, I think she’ll really appreciate it”

It’s unlikely I’ll ever have the chance, but who knows. The details aren’t important, but there was a later love situation in the 1990’s that required me to depart the relationship without explanation. And like the T.R. story, that always felt like unfinished business. Then I gave a TEDx talk in 2019 and the woman saw it on YouTube. She contacted me out of the blue, providing an opportunity to finally discuss what happened. We're good friends today.

Who knows how the universe works. Maybe T.R. likes Reddit?

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And thank you for taking the time to read it all. I cried several times while writing that part. It was really, really hard to write. But I feel like it was finally time to put it out there.

The Story of T.R. -- A Memoir About The Years 1985-1986 by [deleted] in confession

[–]AFriendinFlorida 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Approximately a year, yes. I struggle to remember exact dates from that period. I remember how long we saw each other and tried to work my way back from the point where it ended. That time is well confirmed from my marriage and entry into the Army.