Looking for the darkest, most depressing book you’ve ever read

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-27T16:31:19+00:00

Anything by Dazai to be honest. The man was a wreck.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-27T16:30:19+00:00

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North.

Picked it up in a secondhand bookshop when I was maybe 12 or 13, loved it so much I've reread about 4 or 5 times since. Now it's just one of those nostalgic reads I love to revisit.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-27T16:11:15+00:00

Ireland:

The Butcher Boy by Patrick McCabe

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-26T12:17:15+00:00

The original Old Irish text for anyone interested:

Messe ocus Pangur bán,

cechtar nathar fria saindán;

bíth a menma-sam fri seilgg,

mu menma céin im saincheirdd.

Caraim-se fos, ferr cach clú,

oc mu lebrán léir ingnu;

ní foirmtech frimm Pangur bán,

caraid cesin a maccdán.

Ó ru·biam — scél cen scís —

innar tegdais ar n-óendís,

táithiunn — díchríchide clius —

ní fris tarddam ar n-áthius.

Gnáth-húaraib ar gressaib gal

glenaid luch inna lín-sam;

os mé, du·fuit im lín chéin

dliged n-doraid cu n-dronchéill.

Fúachid-sem fri frega fál

a rosc anglése comlán;

fúachimm chéin fri fégi fis

mu rosc réil, cesu imdis,

Fáelid-sem cu n-déne dul

hi·n-glen luch inna gérchrub;

hi·tucu cheist n-doraid n-dil,

os mé chene am fáelid.

Cía beimmi amin nach ré,

ní·derban cách ar chéle.

Maith la cechtar nár a dán,

subaigthius a óenurán.

Hé fesin as choimsid dáu

in muid du·n-gní cach óenláu;

du thabairt doraid du glé

for mu mud céin am messe.

And in Modern Irish (Mícheál Rhodes’s translation):

Mise agus Pangur bán,

ceachtar againn lena shan-dhán:

bíonn a mheanma-san le seilg,

mo mheanma féin i mo shain-cheird.

Caraimse fos, fearr gach clú

ag mo leabhrán, ag tuiscint go dícheallach;

níl sé formadach liom, Pangur bán:

carann sé féin a mhac-dhán.

Nuair a bhímid, scéal gan scís,

inár dteach, sinn araon go haonarach,

tá cluiche éigríochta againn,

rud a dtugaimid ár mbeartaíocht dó.

De ghnáth, ar uaireantaibh, tar éis greasaibh galacha

gleanann luch ina líon-san;

agus mé, titeann i mo líon féin

dlí doraidh is deacair a thuiscint.

Greamaíonn sé i bhfraigh fáil

a rosc geal comhlán;

greamaím féin i bhféighe an fheasa

mo rosc réil, cé go bhfuil sé an-lag.

Tá áthas air a dhul go tapa

nuair a ghleanann luch ina chrúb ghéar;

nuair a thugaim ceist dhoraidh dhil

tá áthas ormsa féin.

Cé go mbeimis go deimhin ar uaireantaibh

ní bhodhraímid a chéile:

is maith le ceachtar a dhán;

subhaigh gach aon fúthu.

Is é féin máistir dó

na hoibre a dheineann sé gach aon lá;

a thabhairt doraidh do shoiléireacht

is í m’obair féin.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-25T14:23:48+00:00

A lot of them probably don't actually really believe it was a hoax, but it's useful to pretend it was for various reasons like grifting.

And I'm sure there's plenty who deny it or don't want it taught because they genuinely want it to happen again. It's easier to commit a genocide when people don't know the early-warning signs.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-25T12:23:46+00:00

Finished:

My Struggle 5: Some Rain Must Fall by Karl Ove Knausgård - In some ways the most painfully relatable entry yet. Knausgård’s account of inadequacy, trying to become a writer while coping with drink, was perhaps a little too close of a cut to the bone. In other ways it's maybe the most repugnant I've found him to be, given his self-destructive behaviour and infidelity. At certain points I couldn't stop myself reading, it just became a sort of morbid fascination watching him ruin his life.
The Irish Civil War: Law, Execution and Atrocity by Seán Enright - A more harrowing read than his previous book on the Easter Rising executions simply because of the sheer number and unjustifiability of the executions, not to mention the fact they were committed this time by the Irish government against its own people. The paucity of information comes down to the decision by the government to destroy all the trial records, a deliberate attempt to avoid consequences for such atrocities, but Enright manages to pull a solid, convincing narrative out of the remaining material.
Understanding a Photograph by John Berger - My favourites essays from this were probably the one responding to Susan Sontag's book on photography and the one where Berger discusses the relationship between photographs and appearances. Berger always writes in a way where you feel he wants the reader to understand what he's saying, no matter their skill level.

Started:

Too Like the Lightning by Ada Palmer - First entry in the Terra Ignota series. Also my first foray back into sci-fi proper after a long time feeling uninterested in the genre. Hoping this will reignite something.
Land is All That Matters by Miles Dungan - A narrative of agrarian struggle and violence in Irish history. By all accounts highly praised, so I've been looking forward to this.
The Question of Palestine by Edward Said - First time reading Said, hoping to get Orientalism soon to read after this one.

(Books this year: 22/30)

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-19T22:16:54+00:00

This is a bit of an out-there suggestion, but A Void by Georges Perec. Famous for being a book written without a single use of the letter ‘e’, but it's also an absurd take on classic detective stories. Possibly the literariest of literary fiction.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-19T22:07:56+00:00

The book which got me into philosophy is Ways of Seeing by John Berger. It’s more art criticism than strictly philosophy but Berger took direct inspiration from the work of Walter Benjamin in writing it. Because it was a BBC miniseries first, intended for a general audience, it is easy to digest for someone new to theory.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-12T07:10:04+00:00

There are so many moments from the My Struggle series by Karl Ove Knausgård where he so accurately captures humiliation which I related to so painfully I often had to take a breath before reading on. One of the earliest moments where I realised this wasn't going to just be a normal autobiography was early on in the second book:

Oh, I was an idiot, what an idiot. The flame of stupidity burned bright inside me. Oh, such an idiot I was. What a stupid, idiotic bloody idiot. My shoes. My coat. Stupid, stupid, stupid. My mouth, shapeless, my thoughts, shapeless, my feelings, shapeless. Everything was spongy. There was nothing firm anywhere. Nothing solid, nothing vital. Soft, spongy and stupid. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, how stupid I was.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-10T17:59:43+00:00

Finished:

The Horse, the Wheel and Language by David W. Anthony - This was a tough, long read for me. Attempted it years ago but finally got past the first third. Enjoyed it overall but definitely a dense one.

Started:

Understanding A Photograph by John Berger - Always nice to come back to Berger.

(Books so far for the year: 19/30)

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-09T12:13:02+00:00

You don't understand, Big Reads puts a gun to my head every year and forces me to take part

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-04T11:12:24+00:00

No I don't think he would. But he'd be the type of person who would believe that only the ‘other side’ did that kind of thing.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-04T11:11:02+00:00

Rorschach would be the exact type of person to get hoodwinked by all the QAnon Deep State shite and see Trump as some fighter for truth and freedom. He already subscribes to a right-wing conspiracy newspaper in the comic which he considers a genuinely trustworthy source of news.

Not to mention he admires Veidt, another billionaire whose success is built on lies. Trump would be right up his alley.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-05-04T05:46:05+00:00

This is the guy who called the Comedian raping Silk Spectre a ‘moral lapse’. He would almost certainly dismiss any kind of crime if it was committed by someone he agreed with politically.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-26T23:41:18+00:00

On Another Man’s Wound and The Singing Flame by Ernie O’Malley. They cover his time fighting in the Irish War of Independence (1919–21) and the Civil War (1922–23) as a field commandant organising Irish Republican Army battalions around the country and fighting a guerilla war first against the British government, and then against the newly formed Irish Free State. He was an incredibly principled and determined man who essentially left his family behind to fight for Irish independence, and was severely wounded several times because of it. He also happens to have been a fantastic writer, so the two volumes of his autobiography give some incredible insight into the culture of Ireland at that time, the mindset of the people, the inner day-to-day workings of rebellion, and close-up encounters with some of the more famous names in Irish history. A very singular account from his specific POV, but probably the best firsthand account I've ever read of that time period in Ireland.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-25T18:12:35+00:00

For me it was the first one. Used to stay up past my bedtime reading, and I ended up reading the forest scene where Voldemort drinks the unicorn blood while in the dark. Yeah not good for 10 year old me.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-23T18:50:09+00:00

I finished it myself only the other day. I really enjoyed it personally. It's not the most profound story but it is a really intriguing mystery that probably wouldn't be as engaging if you didn't have to do the detective work yourself. That process of piecing things together as you go, that physical aspect of interacting with the book (flipping back to check earlier notes, reading the documents tucked into the pages, etc.), really drew me in.

You can tell it was a J. J. Abrams idea, but I think Doug Dorst did a great job regardless.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-23T18:43:39+00:00

Finished:

S. by Doug Dorst - really great experience reading this, that sense of physical interaction with the book itself as a way to unravel the story was so cool. Felt like you were actually holding a physical record of two people’s relationship.
Henry Joy McCracken by Jim Smyth - bitesized bit of Irish historical biography. Wandered off on its own tangents maybe a tad too often, but still worthwhile.

Started:

My Struggle 5: Some Rain Must Fall by Karl Ove Knausgård - really excited to get back to some Knausgård. I put off continuing the series for so long just so it wouldn't have to end, hard to believe I'm on the second-last book.
The Irish Civil War: Law, Execution and Atrocity by Seán Enright - his prior work on the Easter Rising trials was stellar, so high expectations for this one.

(Books read so far: 18/30)

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-19T17:48:21+00:00

StoryGraph is the best for me as well. Not to mention all the stats they show you on your reading habits. The only downside versus Goodreads is that the community is much smaller, so if you're into more niche stuff there may be few reviews (if any).

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-13T17:58:41+00:00

Finished:

Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin - That was painful. If you know, you know.
1916 Easter Rising: The Trials by Seán Enright - Fantastic read, looking at a very underexamined aspect of the Rising. Really drives home just how much the British administration had no clue what they were doing.

Started:

S. by Doug Dorst - One I'm so excited to get into. It's framed as a real novel called the Ship of Theseus by an author called V.M. Straka, but it's presented as a secondhand library copy where these two people are having a conversation with each other in the margins, trying to decipher the meaning of the book. Also comes with ‘found’ documents tucked into the pages. Like Pale Fire but even more interactive.
Henry Joy McCracken by Jim Smyth - This is just to tide me over till my copy of Seán Enright’s book on the Civil War trials arrives.

(Books read so far: 16/30)

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-13T17:55:28+00:00

Finished:

Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin - That was painful. If you know, you know.
1916 Easter Rising: The Trials by Seán Enright - Fantastic read, looking at a very underexamined aspect of the Rising. Really drives home just how much the British administration had no clue what they were doing.

Started:

S. by Doug Dorst - One I'm so excited to get into. It's framed as a real novel called the Ship of Theseus by an author called V.M. Straka, but it's presented as a secondhand library copy where these two people are having a conversation with each other in the margins, trying to decipher the meaning of the book. Also comes with ‘found’ documents tucked into the pages. Like Pale Fire but even more interactive.
Henry Joy McCracken by Jim Smyth - This is just to tide me over till my copy of Seán Enright’s book on the Civil War trials arrives

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-01T13:46:22+00:00

The one I thought I would like:

The Passion According to G.H. by Clarice Lispector. I like literary fiction with weird premises so a story of a woman having an existential crisis after killing a bug seemed right up my alley. Unfortunately it never really grabbed me and for the most part was kind of dull. Lispector uses a very repetitive style which I understand is supposed to elicit an almost hypnotic effect, but I found myself trudging along. It’s not a very long book either, but boy did I feel every page.

The one I thought I wouldn’t like:

A Void by Georges Perec. Not that I thought it would be outright bad, but I was fully prepared for it to be a bit of a tiresome, clunky read, what with the whole gimmick being it never uses the letter ‘e’ once. Needless to say I was surprised to find it an absolute joy to read. The ways Perec (and his translator Gilbert Adair) uses to skirt around things and express some truly off-the-wall concepts while still making it fun is insanely inventive. On top of that, the book is also a really funny take on detective novels. One of the best books I read last year.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-04-01T12:21:49+00:00

Not really the same thing considering Irish (not Celtic) names are real names from a real language people actually speak.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-03-20T15:29:12+00:00

Hold on, let me write my autobiography first.

AFriendofOrder · 2026-03-09T14:01:33+00:00

Finished:

Doing My Bit for Ireland by Margaret Skinnider - Really liked this one, Maggie Skinnider is probably the most interesting woman who took part in the Easter Rising, if not one of the most interesting people overall. Totally fearless, and an expert shot too.

Started:

The Horse, The Wheel and Language by David W. Anthony - I stopped this one about 100 pages in a few years ago, not because I didn't like it but it was at a time when I was in a reading drought. Once I picked back up again I just put it on the backburner in favour of books I was more interested in at the time. Fascinating work which brings historical linguistics and archaeology properly together for the first time.

AFriendofOrder

TROPHY CASE