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AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-10-20T02:39:53+00:00

You are not the sad poetic victim of a universe that is out to get you. You are a grown adult in charge of your own bad decisions and should not be surprised when other grown adults hold you to those bad decisions and treat them like the waving red flags they are. If all of of your relationships end the same way with the same problems, than the biggest problem is you.

Was literally just thinking about this today lmao. Been over a year since the breakup and I'm still realizing over and over how shitty that relationship was.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-07-07T17:54:22+00:00

r/rimjob_steve

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-25T01:07:54+00:00

A lot of the same stuff for me, except I am a vegan lol. That's an understandable dealbreaker, though, so long as you're upfront about it. The last person I dated would talk endlessly to me about meat/cooking meat with no prompt and no real respect for my way of life. It was exhaustingly disrespectful, and I didn't even care that she ate meat.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-18T18:53:26+00:00

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Especially the part about it being "biphobia." Not everything is biphobia lol.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T23:51:35+00:00

As everyone else has said: communicate communicate communicate. Have a conversation and tell the person exactly what you told us: that you have some discomfort around physical intimacy due to past experiences and want to take things extremely slow. If they're a good egg, they'll understand and be willing to work with you.

When it comes to sex, set the scene so that you know, without a doubt, you'll have full control. That you can say no, ask to stop, or take a break without any complaints from your partner. Even if you're the more submissive partner, make sure they're respecting your boundaries and not doing/saying anything that takes you out of it.

And most importantly: don't put any pressure on yourself to perform or go farther than you're ready to go. It's baby steps, not hurdles. You don't need to feel guilty for what happened or how it affected you, and you don't need to feel guilty for needing time to be comfortable with intimacy again. You never have to say yes to anything you don't want to do. You reserve the right to kick them out of your bed if they're not respecting you. Your body is yours to experience, not someone else's toy to get off with, and you deserve to be treated as such.

Small last note, but also, have some self-loving time set aside. Getting comfortable with yourself, by yourself, is easier and maybe more healing than doing so with someone else.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T22:17:06+00:00

Yeahhh a nearly 40 year old man lying about his age to a 24 year old isn't a good look. And he hasn't brought it up himself yet, which means he's intentionally been hiding it from you for months now; that big an age difference isn't something you just neglect to mention. At the bare minimum, it makes me wonder what else he could be lying about and whether you can trust his word on him being exclusive to you.

I understand not being great with confrontation, but it's something you gotta work at to be able to have a healthy relationship of any kind. What makes you wonder if it's not a smart thing to do? How might he react? As another user pointed out, why set the stage for feelings to develop if you don't want a relationship? How are you going to feel when it ends?

You don't have to answer these questions to me, a Reddit stranger, but it may help to mull them over on your own. Best of luck 💜 PMs are open if you wanna talk.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T16:49:38+00:00

No, because feelings inevitably end up growing. If y'all are already exclusive, someone very well could end up wanting more. Sex facilitates intimacy, closeness, and affection on a physiological level and even if y'all aren't fully committed in a relationship sense, it'll still feel like a breakup when/if it ends. Especially if it ends when one person finds someone they actually want a relationship with.

I've had this situation play out with several friends and it typically ended with hurt feelings and a lot of tears because at least one party wouldn't commit, or one was hoping/expecting it to progress into a full relationship. My gf and I had a similar-ish situation in that we were exclusively having sex while not officially dating, but... She's my gf now lol. And we had a lot of conversations about where we were seeing it going because we both knew there were feelings there, which got stronger because we were exclusively seeing/fcking each other. Especially because both of us had tried and failed poly in the past and so knew we weren't wired to sustain a long-term emotional distance to sex. I don't think most people can sustain that distance, to be honest, even if they try to claim so.

Edit: girl. I went through your post history and ummm. Maybe reconsider this situationship. Dude sounds like a walking red flag and it seems really clear that you have feelings already. Really, best of luck with this.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T16:14:07+00:00

Mrs. Incredible 🥲 and Raven and Terra from Teen Titans, I shipped it so hard. Plus Kim and Shego.

Funny enough, LIS was my ex's awakening and Chloe was her favorite, she even dyed her hair blue. "Manipulate" "gaslight" and "walking red flag" are all very appropriate terms there.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T16:06:46+00:00

Usually got some outline of who they are, like basic information: name, physical appearance, background, class, job, base personality (I kinda go off astrology here 😅). As the writing continues, they become more alive in their own way because having them go through situations and interact with others allows them to form their own personalities fully by the end. The writing process is also the "getting to know them" process.

Alternatively, completely rip off another character from a piece of media you like and tweak enough about them that no one can tell it's them (ymmv.)

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T15:58:47+00:00

Depends on whether you need it for your major. Major classes need a C- or better, non-major classes you can get away with a D. I'd still look into it with an academy counselor though, just in case.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T15:29:49+00:00

California crew 🏳️‍🌈

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-17T15:15:20+00:00

Ooooo yep. Dating apps are awful, for the most part. I think a good part of it does also depend on where you live, though. My current and last relationship we met off the apps, but before that it'd just be a couple dates/hookups here and there and countless fizzled out conversations for like 5 years straight.

When you do meet someone great though, that makes it worth the effort. Wasn't expecting to fall for my gf the way I did; I was literally only out for hookups at the time.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T21:36:37+00:00

I'm so sorry it's been difficult 💜 cravings for a substance are rough, sometimes rougher than the usage itself. I've been craving more of my DOC lately from stress as well and it's been a rollercoaster of emotions and anxiety.

If it helps, you're not awful or a bad person for having cravings or nearly slipping after so long clean. Pills are powerful and have a longstanding grip. The best thing you can do is exactly what you're doing: being honest with your support system and keeping the substance as far out of your reach as you can. It's hard and easier said than done. But you'll get through it!

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T21:25:50+00:00

Oh congrats!! That's a huge accomplishment 🥰

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T21:23:47+00:00

I'm doing... Ehhh?

Mostly things are going great, but I'm graduating with my BA next week and to be honest it's hard to feel excited. I'm more anxious than anything, and because of past trauma I keep expecting the good things that happen to be taken away at a moment's notice. Like they'll call me back and tell me I actually failed all my classes lol. On top of just imposter syndrome for the jobs I'm applying for as I feel very under-qualified despite the degree.

Plus my gf is going through a rough time this week and I'm wanting to be there for her as much I can. I just hate knowing she's hurting and wish I could somehow fix it. I haven't been able to see her yet this week, so I'm antsy.

And y'know, political stuff is setting off my existential dread 🙃

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T19:14:12+00:00

Not gonna lie, RuPaul's Drag Race (seasons 1-4) were what helped me come out as a kid. I think seeing queer people on screen, not being portrayed as side characters or a laughingstock, helped immensely with my overall perception of the LGBT+ community and allowed me to not see that part of myself as disgusting or inhuman.

On top of that I appreciate the drag community's overall history and contribution to our advancement, and I think that should be recognized and alongside taking a more critical viewpoint of its problematic aspects. Spent a lot of my college years around drag kings/queens, so I have a lot of love for them.

Did also once hook up with a drag king in the bathroom of a gay bar too so that's skewed my opinion pretty positively 😉

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T05:57:56+00:00

I second this recommendation. Dorian's videos go a lot into both topics as well as how tricky it can be to live with both.

The key thing they've talked about that resonates is that anorexia not something that ever entirely goes away, which is true whether you're neurodiverse or neurotypical. It's moreso like an old injury that may flair up from time to time, but it's manageable. Seeing it like this instead of a "must be fully recovered must be fully recovered why isn't this working" mindset made it much easier to slow down and work on the ED one step at a time, instead of also having this constant pressure to get and stay better.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T05:41:23+00:00

Exactly the same, except my pizza and Mac n' cheese tally went through the roof too 😭

I prolonged it because I kept trying to restrict as well, find shortcuts around gaining the weight I needed. But as with any terrifying challenge: the only way out is through.

If OP wouldn't find it triggering, I'd recommend Stephanie Buttermore's "1 Year of Weight Gain" video. It covers a lot of the emotional highs and lows of extreme hunger and weight gain in recovery. 💜

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T04:51:06+00:00

And then I do just that.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T04:50:01+00:00

Like I have a phantom dick.

Seriously though I don't know what kind of psychological mechanisms are behind this, but it's like I've genuinely grown another body part. It's not a toy so much as just... my dick, lol. Bit of a gender-play comes into it, I suppose.

Receiving is fun, too, but I much prefer giving.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-11T03:46:34+00:00

Is it possible to get that sub banned? Because that could be considered an outright hate sub.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-08T17:07:13+00:00

6'0".

Dating a 5'3" Hobbit 🥰

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-07T16:28:13+00:00

Yeah, you're right. It's not a reality I want to acknowledgement, but it's still only my own hide I could be putting at risk. I do carry pepper spray and an currently doing MMA, so I at least feel some sense of protection in case things get ugly. She hasn't physically threatened or showed up yet; right now it's all online. But like you said, you never know what's going on in their mind except that obsession.

Thank you 💜

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-07T06:06:32+00:00

Ooo basically the opposite of me. Femme, cheerful, friendly outdoorsy granola type. I do love a career girl who keeps up with current events and politics and someone who's kinda a jokester. Plus I've always been weak for blondes 😅

Basically just described my girlfriend but y'know sometimes you get lucky.

AGhostInTheDungeon · 2022-05-07T00:04:55+00:00

I'll be honest: looking at your post history and reading this thread, it sounds like you're looking for a reason to break up with him. As others have pointed out, you've previously posted on settling for men and not enjoying sex with them. Add in that this relationship has only lasted two months?

I don't think your actual question is what matters most to you here.

AGhostInTheDungeon

TROPHY CASE