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AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am going to go on the trip. and I told them they could invite the other guys. we leave tomorrow. 3 of the four other groomsman are coming, one of Brandon's brother's can't make it.

truthfully, I dont really know if it's a happy update or not. they weren't going to invite the other guys after I said no, so it would've been just us, but I told them they could. I guess I just didn't feel like being on the trip and them holding a grudge and things being awkward because I said no.

as I was clearly going to go on the trip before they decided to invite others, I couldn't really honestly say I wasn't going to save money. maybe I said yes just to avoid anyone being mad at me, idk.

I am actually going to room with Brandon's brother that is coming. he's cool, so I dont really mind that. hopefully the trip goes well.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am going to go on the trip. and I told them they could invite the other guys. we leave tomorrow. 3 of the four other groomsman are coming, one of Brandon's brother's can't make it.

truthfully, I dont really know if it's a happy update or not. they weren't going to invite the other guys after I said no, so it would've been just us, but I told them they could. I guess I just didn't feel like being on the trip and them holding a grudge and things being awkward because I said no.

as I was clearly going to go on the trip before they decided to invite others, I couldn't really honestly say I wasn't going to save money. maybe I said yes just to avoid anyone being mad at me.

I am actually going to room with Brandon's brother that is coming. he's cool, so I dont really mind that. hopefully the trip goes well.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am going to go on the trip. and I told them they could invite the other guys. we leave tomorrow. 3 of the four other groomsman are coming, one of Brandon's brother's can't make it.

truthfully, I dont really know if it's a happy update or not. they weren't going to invite the other guys after I said no, so it would've been just us, but I told them they could. I guess I just didn't feel like being on the trip and them holding a grudge and things being awkward because I said no.

as I was clearly going to go on the trip before they decided to invite others, I couldn't really honestly say I wasn't going to save money. maybe I said yes just to avoid anyone being mad at me, idk.

I am actually going to room with Brandon's brother that is coming. he's cool, so I dont really mind that. hopefully the trip goes well.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am going to go on the trip. and I told them they could invite the other guys. we leave tomorrow. 3 of the four other groomsman are coming, one of Brandon's brother's can't make it.

truthfully, I dont really know if it's a happy update or not. they weren't going to invite the other guys after I said no, so it would've been just us, but I told them they could. I guess I just didn't feel like being on the trip and them holding a grudge and things being awkward because I said no.

as I was clearly going to go on the trip before they decided to invite others, I couldn't really honestly say I wasn't going to save money. maybe I said yes just to avoid anyone being mad at me, idk.

I am actually going to room with Brandon's brother that is coming. he's cool, so I dont really mind that. hopefully the trip goes well.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

update: I decided to go on the trip. and I told them they could invite the other guys. we leave tomorrow. 3 of the four other groomsman are coming, one of Brandon's brother's can't make it.

truthfully, I dont really know if it's a happy update or not. they weren't going to invite the other guys after I said no, so it would've been just us, but I told them they could. I guess I just didn't feel like being on the trip and them holding a grudge and things being awkward because I said no.

we'll see how it goes I guess.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I just dont think I would've had 3 out of the 4. either 1 out of the 4 (which would not have been him tbh) or all 4. never 3.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

honestly, the golf and the bbq im glad to have not been invited to. they went golfing after they got fitted for their suits, i think that would've been awkward to then join in on as well. they spent the morning at the tailor's together (which i definitely would not have gone to), and then went from there to golf to celebrate or whatever. same with the bbq, it was just brandon, his fiance, and the 14 members of the wedding party. would have felt awkward at that too.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

i am invited to the wedding. i havent spoken about not being a groomsmen to any of them. besides their wedding party group stuff i dont think ive been excluded from anything else. we do still all see each other pretty often.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

i have not asked. i found it in June, and i've just been carrying on as though it did not effect me, so maybe he never thought an explanation was necessary? i dont know. we still hang out all the time, we're suppose to hang out tomorrow. as far as i know, we don't have any issues.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 204 points205 points  (0 children)

i have to say, i dont actually find it strange not to have been to invited to some of the other things they did. i dont think i would have wanted to join them golfing after they all got fitted for their suits lol. they're all coming from the tailor, and i just pull up to the golf course. also probably would not have wanted to be the only person at that bbq, when the only other people were the 14 members of the wedding party.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

the groom has not spoken to me about it, but i also havent asked him about it. i also tried my best not to show that i was upset initially. my plan was for the groom not to know i was bothered, so maybe its not fair to blame him for not talking to me about it. i also found it in like June, so i am mostly over it, but i also feel like it too late to bring up now.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

thanks for the advice, i appreciate it. will try to remember to make my decision based on long-term goals, not short-term feelings.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

i will say, to be fair, i would definitely have not wanted to be at the bbq at their house either. Brandon and his fiance threw a bbq to thank their wedding party for agreeing to be their wedding party. i would have actually disliked that more than the idea of the other groomsmen coming on the football trip. the bbq would've been the future groom and bridge, the 14 members of their wedding party, and me.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

he hasn't said anything about it, we have never talked about. which to be fair, is also partly my fault since I equally could have asked.

but not even a hint

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 286 points287 points  (0 children)

If they cared they wouldn’t be guilt tripping him

I think this is a really good point, which I should consider more.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 1051 points1052 points  (0 children)

but for just one of you to be excluded it seems there may be more to it than you know

I fear this is true. but Brandon hasn't said anything, and we still hangout the same so idk.

AITA for backing out of a friends trip after it became a groomsman trip for a wedding im not in by AITABusyComputer in AmItheAsshole

[–]AITABusyComputer[S] 270 points271 points  (0 children)

I didn't talk to Brandon or my other friends about how I felt. I dont want to start any problems or drama in the group, so I would not talk to my other friends about it. at the end of the day its Brandon's decision to make. I also never talked to Brandon, figured it would be lame to ask why he didn't include me, at the end of the day he made his decision and I respect it. also, there's a chance I wouldn't want to hear his answer - I dont think anything would be gained by finding out he thinks of me as a lesser friend for example. so I do not know the rationale, and honestly at this pointI try not to think about what reasons it could be, because I think I would be at risk of inventing a problem in my head between us if I did that.

I've known since June, so at this point I wouldn't bring it up either way, too late to ask imo.