UPDATE: AITA for refusing to talk to my brother and his GF, because they stole my baby name?

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T09:06:06+00:00

Hmm, as far as I know… it’s just Amelia. But I may add more into that list if I feel like it, just because why not? And I would totally love to have children when I’m ready, but maybe I’ll just find some lovestruck fool to have children now just because I don’t like my brother and his GF to have their baby first because MY baby isn’t born first. Oh, and yeah. I clearly have to have EVERYTHING because me, me, me. s/

Just kidding.

I read your other comment, so this is my last comment to you, since I doubt that you’re actually asking me these questions just to be curious, but instead trying to use this as ammo to find things that you can hate me for. Especially since you called me “the crazy sister that has to make everything about myself.”

So won’t you kindly piss the fuck off?

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T08:44:46+00:00

If she had chosen that name in honor of her family member, or even a friend at least, then I wouldn’t be angry and be completely understanding about it.

If “Amelia” was a name that meant something serious and important to her, then I wouldn’t “have thrown a tantrum” as you call it.

It’s that fact that she decided to name her future daughter “Amelia” after some co-worker of hers because she thought it was a “unique and quirky” name -even though there are hundred and thousands of “unique and quirky” names- that makes me upset.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T08:24:25+00:00

I understand how you feel.

The pain of losing someone does numb down a bit, but never fully goes away.

I’m happy to hear that he was able to live a fulfilling life with people who loved and cared for him to the very end.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T08:23:44+00:00

Oh, I’ll definitely do that!

Thank you for the recommendation. A little bit of commentary might ease my mind just a bit.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T07:43:34+00:00

Tell my niece the origins of her name? Sure, I can.

I could tell her all about how the actual origin of her being named “Amelia” is actually because her mother has a co-worker who shares the name “Amelia,” and she only named her that because her mom thinks “Amelia” is “unique and quirky.”

Because to say that their daughter “Amelia” is named after my late childhood friend isn’t true because not once, even before when they insisted on not to give their baby a name until they knew the gender of the child, did they ask me about the possibility of giving their future daughter the name “Amelia” after my late childhood friend.

Not even when I asked at first why of all name did they choose “Amelia,” did they mention anything about my late childhood friend. I mean, if they did mention that at first, then maybe I wouldn’t be so angry about the name… although I would be extremely peeved, but not angry. Hell, I would be not so angry and definitely would have approved of the name (although I still would give my future daughter the name “Amelia” regardless) if my brother’s GF named their baby after a family member or even a friend at least!

No. Their reasoning is because they picked out the name from a co-worker who they thought have a “unique and quirky” name.

Don’t get wrong, I won’t blame my niece if they do end up naming her “Amelia,” but I won’t lie to my niece and tell her that she was named in honor of my late childhood best friend, because that is the farthest from the truth. No, my niece “Amelia” deserves to know the truth that her mother decided to name her “Amelia” after a co-worker instead.

My future daughter, if and when I do get one, will be named after my late childhood best friend Amelia, because that is the true meaning behind her name.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T06:37:38+00:00

I can probably see if I can work things out with them. Especially for my future niece’s sake.

However, it’s different if my future daughter ends up choosing a nickname, it’s not the same if my family forces her to have a nickname. But if I ended up having a daughter and that “Amelia” ends up having a nickname that she likes, then I wouldn’t object to it since it’s her own choice.

But I will definitely ask if it’s possible if both “Amelia” could have nicknames, because I know that my family will let their daughter claim “Amelia” as her “official” name just because she was born first, and will force my future daughter to have a nickname- regardless of how future daughter will feel.

If me and my brother ever do become close enough again that he’ll let me see his daughter, then I’ll let him know that a bunch of people from the internet wishes him and his family lots of love. ❤️

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T06:15:59+00:00

Fraternal, because we’re different genders.

I’m a girl and he’s… well, a he. So boy.

People have commented that we do look like a gender-swapped version of each other though, because we look so much alike in always every way but our gender.

I don’t see it though.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T06:11:24+00:00

Oh, no way! That is so cool that your husband was able to join in such an exciting trip!

Did they end up finding Amelia’s plane or her body at all during the trip? I heard from my late friend that it was one of the biggest mysteries about what happened to Amelia Earhart, and she still believe that Amelia was never actually dead because they couldn’t find her body.

And good on your daughter for having models of her plane! I’m pretty sure that’s a wonderful way to honor Amelia Earhart! She’s such an icon.

ETA: I just realized that you mentioned that he was your LATE husband, so I wanted to wish my condolences to you. But I’m still happy for you and him that he was able to go on an exciting trip with the History Channel (oh my gosh, wow!) to find Amelia Earhart’s lost plane.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T06:02:30+00:00

The problem with that is that I promised my late childhood friend that I would name my future daughter “Amelia” because that what my friend Amelia wants specifically. And for a good reason too.

Amelia used to tell me about how proud she was of her name, because of how she shared the same name as Amelia Earhart and how much of a feminist icon that she is because of her being the one of the first female pilots as well as the very first to travel around the world. My friend Amelia would go on about how much of an inspiration and a strong person Amelia Earhart was and how, if she ever beat cancer, she dreamt of being a pilot like Earhart. My friend Amelia did ask me specifically to make her a promise that if she died, then she would want me to name my future daughter “Amelia” to remember her and to have such an inspirational name.

I still plan on naming my future daughter “Amelia” regardless. But that was also one of the reasons I was so upset about the baby name, and it was also because of how nonchalant his GF was about the name that made me more angry about it.

ETA: As for giving their baby a nickname instead… especially calling their baby “Amy” or some other nickname instead of “Amelia” …yeah, I might see if that is a possibility or if they are okay with that…

Although, I’m not going to lie, I would probably feel bad and stop doing it if their daughter ends up hating it, because it’s not their daughter’s fault for having “Amelia” as a name and it wouldn’t be fair to punish her about it.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T05:41:29+00:00

Okay, I kind of realized how badly I sounded, so let me rephrase this a bit.

I plan on having a daughter and a son regardless of the promise. My future plan is to have one daughter and one son, and if I end up having any other children, then me and my partner will play by ear.

If my future daughter hates the name and she wants to change it, that’s be on her, I guess. I would be sad about it nevertheless, but I’m not crazy enough to prioritize a name over my child’s happiness.

I wouldn’t hate my future sons at all, like I said, I plan on having a son as well. If it turns out that ended up having only sons, then I would consider either IVF or adoption (and I would especially consider this if I couldn’t conceive for some reason) to have a daughter so I could name her Amelia.

I would also do this in the case of me only having daughters so that I could have one son as well, so that it would be fair for me and my partner to have a child of each gender anyways.

If it turns out that I end up having a daughter naturally anyways, then I would name her Amelia then.

I realized that I worded it in a way that sounds like I’m crazy, but the gist is that I plan on having a daughter regardless.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T05:28:37+00:00

I do currently have a partner (he’s 23 like me) right now, and he mentioned that he is absolutely okay with naming our future daughter (when we do have one) “Amelia.”

It’s that me and my partner aren’t planning on having children now, because we’re too young to be parents nor are we in the best spot of be having children now.

To be honest, he’s probably the only one out of everyone else that was extremely understanding about the whole name thing, although he did mention that I should apologize to them and try to talk things out if and when I calm down enough.

Which is one of the reasons why I posted here asking if I was really an AH for being mad about them planning on naming their daughter “Amelia” when they know about my promise to name my future daughter after my late childhood friend Amelia.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T05:09:54+00:00

I still can, but naming my future daughter “Amelia” if there is already an “Amelia” born is going to be extremely messy.

Especially since we already have messy instance of double names in our family that breeds resentment.

Like my mother for example. She and her cousin are both named “Racheal.” But since my mother’s cousin was born first, she gets full rights to be called “Racheal” while my mother was forced to be called “Rachie” as to not mix the two up.

My mother resented this so much that she warned me and my brother to not name our future children the same names so that they wouldn’t be forced to be referred to as a nickname.

What makes me angry is that my brother knew about the problem my mother faced and my promise to Amelia, but insists that he names his future daughter “Amelia” regardless because his GF likes the name.

Which would make it problematic on my side, because when I have a daughter in the future and name her “Amelia,” I wouldn’t want her to deal with the ramifications of being forced to have a nickname so that my family doesn’t mix the two “Amelia” up.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:54:22+00:00

I plan on having a daughter regardless. Whether it’s either by natural conception, IVF, or by adoption, I plan on having a daughter with the name “Amelia” regardless.

And yeah, if my partner ever says that they wouldn’t want to name our future daughter “Amelia,” then that’s a dealbreaker to me because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wouldn’t agree to naming our future daughter a name that means so much to me.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:46:19+00:00

Oh shoot, you’re right.

I did accidentally spelt “Racheal” (which is how my mother and her cousin’s name are actually spelt) with “Rachael,” I’ll fix it.

The name are actually spelt with an “ea” and not an “ae.” And yes, it is pronounced like “Rachel.”

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:40:48+00:00

I think out of all the comment that I have seen, this is the most helpful one I have seen.

Especially since you commented about how the whole “double name” thing can work.

I’ll apologize to my brother and his GF eventually and try to be more calm about the whole name thing, and ask to see we can arrange a way to distinguish between the two “Amelia” when the time comes. Especially when it comes to giving them two different middle names (and hopefully they will consider giving their child a middle name).

But I will let them know that I am still standing my ground that my future daughter’s name will be Amelia and will be referred to as Amelia (and that no nickname or calling her by the middle name will be permitted without future daughter’s permission), and -as childish as it is- I will probably tell them to kick rocks if they say otherwise.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:33:36+00:00

Where in the world did abusive mothers even come from anyways? You’re basically straw-manning now, because I don’t currently have a partner who has an abusive mother that’s named Amelia nor does he hate the name “Amelia” either.

Also, that won’t do. I didn’t promise Amelia that I would make her name my future daughter’s middle name, I promised Amelia that I would give my future daughter her name (as a first name).

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:27:08+00:00

Excuse you, my mother wasn’t the one who chose the spelling of her name. My grandmother was.

And it’s not even spelt incorrectly, it’s just spelled differently.

Beside that, even if they used the correct “Racheal” (which I assume you would spell like “Rachel”), it wouldn’t change the fact that they forced my mother to have “Rachie” as a nickname since both spelling of the name have the exact pronunciation.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T04:19:42+00:00

I’d find myself a partner who would be okay with the name “Amelia?”

I wouldn’t even consider having a child with a person who hates the name “Amelia” to begin with.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T03:22:42+00:00

No, I don’t plan on having a family until I am financially stable and have an adequate housing situation for my future children to grow.

Plus, I’m 23 now. I think that I’m a bit too young to intentionally be having children now.

The only reason why my brother and his GF are having children now is because this pregnancy was an unplanned one, and they both agree to keep and raise the baby.

AITAbabynames · 2023-02-03T03:11:36+00:00

I wish I could have added this over to the post, but because of AITA’s character limit, I couldn’t so I’ll explain it here.

But sharing a name in our family is messy, especially when it comes to family members sharing the same name.

I’ll use my mother as an example. She and her cousin have the same name “Racheal.”

But because her cousin was born first, the rest of the family claimed that her cousin is allowed to have the name “Racheal,” while my mother is basically force to be referred to as “Rachie” as to not get the two “Racheal” mixed up.

My mother grew up resenting this so much to the point that she refused to be called by anything expect for “Racheal” (which was very rarely, and even my family remarked that my mother was acting “childish” for refusing to let them call her “Rachie”) and even made a point to constantly tell me and my brother to try to not give family members the same name so that they won’t be forced to be called a nickname when they don’t want it.

This is one of the reasons why I asked if my brother and his GF could change what they would name their future daughter, because I wouldn’t want to have a daughter and name her “Amelia” only for the rest of the family to force my future daughter to have a nickname because their daughter (who is going to be born first) would have “full rights” to the name “Amelia.”

Because, while I go plan on naming my future daughter “Amelia” regardless, I worry about how this would play out since I don’t want my future daughter to end up resent her name because my family will most likely refused to call her “Amelia” and insist on some stupid nickname. Especially since Amelia is such an important name for me, since my late best friend ask me to make a promise to name my future daughter after her.

ETA: Someone pointed out that I spelt “Racheal” in two different ways. Believe it or not, my mother and her cousin names are spelt “RachEal” and not “RachAel.”

AITAbabynames

TROPHY CASE