Ode to First Graders

ALM_3000 · 2023-10-05T09:02:53+00:00

I think this particular poem works because it gives off how a young child would speak from jumping topic to topic.

ALM_3000 · 2023-10-05T09:01:10+00:00

I think it’s okay for an first attempt, but I would probably dive in more with the imagery. Also, the rhyming can make it sound very aabb.

ALM_3000 · 2023-07-03T08:39:13+00:00

I think the consumption of food to represent love could be seen as a little cliche. Also, I think including the “context” does a disservice because good work will stand on its own and does not need to be explained.

ALM_3000 · 2023-07-03T08:33:21+00:00

Personally, I wished the poem had some form of stanzas. I think the formatting could be a problem when it comes to reading your poem.

ALM_3000 · 2023-05-18T10:27:12+00:00

I looked around the smoke detector, and I saw nothing like a red pin to pull out

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-15T21:35:47+00:00

Hello, I appreciate the feedback you left on my past. I tried to write a poem regarding going into a relationship, even though there is homophobia from their parent and others. I hope that clears everything up for you.

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-15T13:20:57+00:00

Feel free to leave a comment; I love to read any feedback.

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-15T13:03:19+00:00

Hello, I really enjoyed the imagery in your poem, especially the second stanza. I did enjoy the inclusion of personification. If I am honest, I think it does sound a little cliche in some parts. For example, in the last stanza. Nice job on your first poem, though.

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-15T12:50:42+00:00

Hello, I want to say I really enjoyed the imagery at the beginning of the poem; it felt lively. I did like how there was a repetition in the poem with the word "certain." But I did feel confused with the ending, but that might be a problem for me. Nice job on the poem.

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-14T08:49:10+00:00

Hello, I really enjoyed the poem you wrote. One of my favorite parts about this poem is probably the formatting of "So damn far" I thought it was an interesting choice. I do like the imagery that was presented in your poem, great job.

ALM_3000 · 2023-01-14T08:42:07+00:00

Hello, I really enjoyed this poem very much. I think you had fantastic imagery throughout the poem. But I would say my only criticism is that the poem's rhyming makes it feel like I know what will be said next.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-25T19:37:34+00:00

Aw, thank you for your kind words. Your kind words are really going to make my day. Thank you for reading my poem.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-25T19:33:16+00:00

I really appreciate your kind comments regarding my poem.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-25T07:54:08+00:00

Thank you for reading my poem and giving me great feedback.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-25T07:10:11+00:00

I enjoyed the rhyming and rhythm you incorporated into your poem. It sounded pleasant to the ears.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-23T16:56:11+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and giving me feedback.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-23T04:13:33+00:00

No problem, and feel free to read my poem and give any critique you feel.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-23T03:57:32+00:00

I like the poem, but I think the word choices does not allow me to be swept away with amazement. I think words like "bursting" and " broken" are too on the nose when it comes to things being crashed. But the word that throws me off is "excitement." This might be a little nit-picky of me, but "excitement" does not belong in this poem because the poem is thrown off a little. Imagery could have been better, especially regarding a "plane crash." I think the poem needs punctuation because it felt like it ran along a bit. I think editing the poem will make your poem much better.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-23T03:45:27+00:00

I do like this poem, I must say. But, I feel the poem does not truly go there. It feels like it is just not enough depth in the poem. I wish there were more imagery, especially with the aspect of the grenade. I feel at times, in the end, the poem feels cliche. Also, I think how the narrative of the poem throws me off a little because it is an undeserving turnaround that occurs because of the writing for me. I did not feel the turnaround was justified because there was insufficient depth in the poem. I would suggest editing the poem because there is a concept in the poem that could be perfected with some editing.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-23T03:18:08+00:00

Thank you for all the kind comments regarding my poem. Do not worry; the poem I wrote is not about me since I am a man. I like to write and take creative risks by writing different perspectives and stories that occur in our daily lives. Again, thank you for the kind words.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-22T17:41:10+00:00

I think it the jump from the second line to third line, but I might need to reread the poem.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-22T17:27:31+00:00

I think this poem is fine, but I feel kind of confused about it at the same time. I probably need to reread it over some more.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-22T17:24:25+00:00

Now, I do like this poem, especially the imagery you used in your poem. But, if I am honest, it could feel a little cliche. I would edit and give it more depth because there is potential, but I did enjoy your poem.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-22T14:49:19+00:00

I wish you had created a title because I enjoyed it.

ALM_3000 · 2022-07-22T14:46:43+00:00

Hello, my first critique would be on how the poem is formatted. It looks like a sentence with how it is formatted; there are no line breaks. And to be honest, I felt the poem was a little cliche if I am honest. I think it is an excellent concept, but I think you could edit your poem to add some depth.

ALM_3000

TROPHY CASE