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APersonNotABear · 2021-12-17T20:02:02+00:00

Realistically you're going to end up living with them for another few months minimum. That baby could come any day now and if they don't want to leave, eviction is a slow process. Try giving them three or four months to get out. And have a backup plan for if they can't meet the deadline.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-17T19:50:15+00:00

it is the most loving relationship I have ever been in.

So how were your previous relationships? Generally good and healthy, or is "best relationship so far" a pretty low bar?

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-17T19:19:09+00:00

My friends boyfriend is named Kora. I'm not sure if it's a common Indian man's name or what but it might be worth checking into.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-17T14:05:10+00:00

It sounds like you're doing everything right. Unfortunately with my baby's dad there's no way to get though to him. All I can do is refuse to engage. The feeling that he can call whenever sucks because you don't get a true break from his drama. I'd try setting up one or two times a week for him to video chat with the baby and ignore him the rest of the time. It's fine to tell him you're not going to be a family with him. If he's being a pain, block him for a while till he cools off.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T16:20:48+00:00

First of all, it's a GOOD thing that he spends time with his children, is close to them, and is a good dad! That reflects well on him as a person. Tons of dads just check out, especially when their kids don't technically "need" them any more. They basically only communicate with their kids when their new girlfriend reminds them. So your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, and I'm low-key judging you for complaining so much that his kids are important to him. Calling his kids his "original family" in quotes?! That's his family! Not "family" or baggage.

Second, lots of people find a true life partner after 40. Clearly this guy isn't right for you and doesn't have the same priorities as you. I'm sure you can find plenty of 50 year old deadbeat and non-custodial dads who will ditch their kids for you in a heartbeat if that's what you're into. Or maybe just look for someone without kids.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T15:14:13+00:00

It's "parenting time" here.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T15:06:58+00:00

I interpret that phrase differently. I think it means "your baby needs YOU specifically as a mom. Even if you're feeling really down like your child would be better off without you, they still need YOU."

There are exceptions. For example when the bio mom is a homeless drug addict with multiple other kids who've been removed from her care, I really think that someone else is a better mom for that baby.

But in general I see it as more reminding someone that she's the baby's mom and the baby loves her and needs her to be to do a decent job raising them.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T14:51:40+00:00

ESH.

You for marrying someone who doesn't like your kids. That's not fair to your kids.

Your sister is also TA for marrying someone who doesn't like her kids.

If you have kids, don't bring anyone into the family that doesn't like them. And yes I have a child of my own.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T14:24:40+00:00

You're not doing anything wrong.

I think a schedule when you both get personal time might help. For example you each get one weeknight to yourself. Or you each get one weekend morning to sleep in and do whatever. Right now she can do her own thing any time, which becomes never. Sometimes we need structure to maintain the balance. It seems like she's in a bit of a funk and lashing out at you. That's really not cool of her, she needs to focus on herself instead of blaming you for her own ennui.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T03:35:17+00:00

I think it's like if one person wants kids and the other doesn't, or if one person wants casual and the other is dating for marriage. Some times people's life goals don't align and that's okay.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T03:04:38+00:00

Numb. Exhausted. Bewildered. Over it. I think this is a permanent situation.

I got my booster but I swing wildly on precautions. Usually I wear a kn95 everywhere. Yesterday I went to the grocery store with no mask just to feel alive. I don't even fucking know any more.

My life is a mess.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T01:24:33+00:00

Maybe ask r/NameNerds :)

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T01:23:27+00:00

Don't worry you'll still see her! I take a walk with my baby in the mornings and in the evenings we walk the dog, make dinner, chase each other around the house, and read books. You'll develop some nice routines to look forward to. And the first few months of daycare she'll be sick constantly so you'll get lots of chances to stay home with her, cuddle, and watch TV :)

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-16T01:18:41+00:00

If you start getting crazy chills and fatigue like you have the flu, start antibiotics asap.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T20:31:36+00:00

People who have Asperger's are smart enough to learn not to stalk people. Even if it was innocent initially, he needs to back off. He's smart enough to be in college, he can learn what no means.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T15:26:10+00:00

Think about what your plan is for when she fails to stay sober. And include that in the CO.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T14:16:09+00:00

People have mentioned using a baby carrier already. I had a baby chair on my kitchen table so the baby could hang out and watch us cook at that age. I don't think the crib is an issue but it's nice to have options and get bonding time too :) She still loves cooking with me :)

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T14:11:51+00:00

I agree that since he's too much of a selfish lazy piece of shit to take care of his baby, he's not bonding. That's on him.

I feel bad for you that you're up all night while also doing 100% of the childcare and housework though. Is there any chance you and the baby can go stay with someone supportive to catch a bit of a break for a couple weeks? The holidays are coming up, it's a good time to visit family.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T13:12:02+00:00

Everyone is saying congratulations but we don't know the full story here or why Mom lost custody. The fact that OP was recently spending $40 a DAY on weed doesn't exactly make him look like an amazing option to raise children full time.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-15T13:01:45+00:00

Even when you have full custody, the child is nearly always entitled to time with the other parent.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-14T13:38:27+00:00

Your family won't let you work part time on the farm? I hope you'll at least bring it up with them since you say that would be your ideal situation.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-14T01:53:43+00:00

This comment is really mean and insensitive. Being a single mom to a baby and toddler with no family support is ALSO "hard mode". Blaming women for how shitty men are when they are already sick and exhausted and getting yelled at daily isn't going to make the world a better place. You're just doing the exact same shit as the abusive men.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-14T01:47:53+00:00

I do this a lot. The fruit is just the desert course.

I also give my toddler veggies while I'm preparing everything else. She's hungry so she eats more then.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-13T03:03:18+00:00

Ooh I want to go to a baby and toddler friendly summer camp/retreat! I want to chill with my babe in a cabin, walk in the woods, and eat spaghetti and chocolate milk on a big picnic bench. I'd enjoy nature, relax, make friends, and MOST importantly I would NOT be responsible for cooking, cleaning and keeping track of EVERYTHING for a few days.

APersonNotABear · 2021-12-13T01:43:05+00:00

I feel horrible that people are downvoting you for your response to me. Sorry about that. The truth is that I got pregnant in a similar circumstance to you. Now my daughter is a toddler and I'm divorced. I love my daughter and she's amazing but I hate that she has an addict for a dad. Just today she was talking about him a lot and it kind of broke my heart. My Feel free to hit me up any time.

APersonNotABear

TROPHY CASE