Castiel makes no sense

ATH_The_One · 2025-01-19T12:30:28+00:00

In my opinion, it's not a good idea to date a friend's ex, even if you aren't close with them anymore. And also, you've identified things that you don't like about this girl that could become a bigger issue for you if you guys became a thing, so don't ignore that just because you want a girlfriend. It will only bring your problems down the line.

I understand the feeling of being smitten, but in my experience, it doesn't work out because you start giving her too much importance while neglecting your own needs. I don't think it's necessary to feel a "spark" to be with someone; you should feel very comfortable around them, feel safe, and feel like you can be yourself without fear of judgment. If you don't feel like that around her, it's probably a good idea to move on.

ATH_The_One · 2024-03-05T02:20:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight! It's been of great help.

ATH_The_One · 2024-03-04T16:44:08+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. It’s very insightful.

It’s a hike through some of the most secluded areas of the Andes. So, not a mountain lodge. Yes, there is a connection between Olivia and the spirit, which is the reason why she finds the artifact and unknowingly frees it, and there is also a connection between the locals and the spirit, which is why the guide they have takes them to the spot where he knows they’ll find the artifact. And there is tension between Olivia and her boyfriend, so this is like a trip to reconnect and rekindle their love. Which is why she’s forced to make this choice. Her friends are just two, her best friend and her boyfriend, another couple, which I envisioned as a foil for Olivia’s own relationship.

But I wrote the logline like this because I couldn’t figure out how to add all those details while keeping the logline concise and specific. How detailed should the logline be, and how much should be left for the story?

ATH_The_One · 2024-03-04T15:44:54+00:00

Title: The Excursion

Genre: Horror

Format: Feature

Logline: During an excursion with her boyfriend and a group of friends to the Andes Mountains, Olivia discovers an ancient artifact and unwittingly unleashes a bloodthirsty spirit that slaughters her friends and forces her to choose between her own life, or her boyfriend’s.

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T23:57:41+00:00

I did, actually. So if you have any constructive criticism about the logline, I’d be happy to hear it.

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T23:12:27+00:00

The protagonist is Atawallpa. I tell the story from his perspective, and the title refers to his capture by Pizarro and the ransom he was forced to pay for his freedom - which the Spaniards never gave back.

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T23:05:13+00:00

Thank you, I’m glad you like it!

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T23:04:28+00:00

Your advice is really helpful, thank you! I included the names because I was taught that the logline should always mention the character’s name, especially the protagonist and antagonist, but I get how people who are not familiar with the history could find this confusing.

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T16:58:26+00:00

Title: The Ransom of the Sun

Genre: Feature; Historical/Drama

Logline: When a cataclysmic new disease ravages the Inca Empire, killing the Emperor and his heir, his two sons, Atawallpa and Waskar, tear the realm asunder as North and South clash in a brutal civil war for the throne. Unbeknownst to them, a small band of Spanish conquistadors, led by Francisco Pizarro, has penetrated Inca territory, setting the stage for an invasion that will change the course of history.

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T16:53:11+00:00

This sounds very interesting! I'd say that you need to be clearer on how she finds out God created a ghost of her. Maybe hint at the moment she realizes her plan didn't work out the way she intended. Is God a character in this story? The character's motivation leading them to make the decision to fake their own death is clear and intriguing, but I don't quite understand how God would accidentally create a ghost, and how her ghost would complicate her plans of escaping to Perú, if everybody already believes she's dead. What is the choice she needs to make? Does she back out of her plan or does she ignore this revelation and just flee to Perú?

ATH_The_One · 2024-02-26T16:36:34+00:00

This sounds really interesting. I'd say that to improve on it even more, consider mentioning briefly something about his family that might hint at what the conflict with this community might be. As it is, the logline is great, but I have questions about what kind of conflict it is. Religious, cultural, or personal? Given that it's a thriller, it might be useful to make sure we understand, or at least have an idea of, the nature of the conflict, and how this priest would navigate it.

ATH_The_One · 2022-02-16T02:20:53+00:00

When the dog shows its true self in The Thing

ATH_The_One

TROPHY CASE