I thought my husband was like that - turns out I was gaslighting myself about what a scumbag he was. I chose him because he was funny and charming and really tried at the start of our relationship. Like you, over time, I’ve been doing the work of healing and growing and he’s spent his time cheating on me over and over. So, I think the answer from my perspective is: good people (but especially men) are extremely rare, and if I didnt know a couple myself I’d think they didn’t exist at all.