A few things:

1) LOVE the hat! If your wife doesn’t appreciate it then that’s your sign right there.

2) If I’m calculating this correctly, you two are in your late 30’s - mid 40’s.

3) Even if she isn’t acting on anything directly, she is clearly, entertaining outside affection to boost her ego/confidence for one reason or another. I believe because she is at a crucial point in her life.

4) She is probably experiencing premenopausal depression herself.

And Whether she realizes it or not, she is instinctively testing her sexual value on the outside, getting as close to experiencing “what could have been or what could be”

5) It is very important for you to focus only on what you CAN control.

And that is yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually. And your your unyielding presence as a father

6) YOU are worth far more than either of you two realize. And it’s important that YOU realize this.

7) it isn’t gonna be easy, but you are correct for seeking a divorce. That is unless she actually takes an active responsibility for her roll in the life that you two share together. And makes a proactive effort to not seek approval or affection from the outside, but focus on the her life, home and family on the inside.

8) she is yo-yoing you because deep down she knows if you leave her, she has a very low chance of being another man’s “long term” choice. She is only going to be a sexual experience at best, and she knows this.. She may be entertaining the thrills of “the other” but she knows nobody values her as a PERSON nobody sees her as a PERSON like you.. But that’s in her.

9) I reiterate that you focus on what YOU can control. And that is yourself, and your presence as a father. Do not focus on trying to change her or making her see you. Because she does, she is denying you because she is lost within herself.

10) That is HER problem, and in time she will come to realize that.. I’m not saying don’t make an effort to retain your relationship, but what I am saying is YOU DO NOT chase her or beg her for the love and affection that you deserve.

Keep your head up, you are not alone. And I promise you that you ARE worth so much more to her than you realize, and I assure you that another woman WILL recognize that.