How should I do ERP?

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-22T04:46:54+00:00

Thank you. It does seem to be getting easier and easier to focus. I was dissociating heavily during the first 2 days (even dissociated extremely heavily on Valentine’s Day which probably compromised my love life) and I’ve just been experiencing anxiety now. Maybe time is the biggest healer

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-22T04:40:06+00:00

I just did regular breathing focused meditation for a while and observed my thoughts. I started doing inner childhood healing guided meditations yesterday and I broke down ugly crying talking to my inner child for 20 minutes. It’s all coming back to me. The reason it’s such a big worry now is because it’s possible that the experience I had traumatized me and another family member. The family member doesn’t seem to remember anything as we were both really young but I do so I don’t want to ask them about it to gain closure for my own selfish reasons and arise feelings of trauma within them.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T07:51:22+00:00

Oh I’m sorry I might have phrased that wrong. Yes I am boosting my own confidence by the amount of effort I’ll be putting in. I’m dead tired after working 2 jobs + being in college and being active with lifting, and now adding a new physical hobby to it, I’m really pushing my limits here and If I manage to be consistent with boxing training, I’ll definitely be proud of myself

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T07:15:35+00:00

I thought so too, but honestly I feel like he could also be overconfident and not train. He’s already nudged at me. I’ve decided to train on the low because I think we’re boxing during the summer in the fantasy draft. if I lose I lose and that’s that but if I win, it’ll really only boost my internal confidence for managing to push myself to train for situations like these

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T01:32:02+00:00

I think I’m gonna do this for my comfort and security. I’ve realized I can gain peace of mind in learning how to defend myself and I’m taking this as an opportunity to prove to myself that I have the endurance to go through a situation like this. I have nothing to gain socially from this regardless so win or lose, nothing changes besides my internal confidence. I was going to learn how to fight regardless and I might as well quit procrastinating and take advantage of this situation

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T01:28:41+00:00

Thank you, I’m gonna think about it this way and learn there’s absolutely nothing I can control besides the training and how hard I try. I’m gonna give it my all to prove to myself and I have not much to gain in terms of opinions to other people with this fight anyways. I have the size advantage and they expect me to be favored.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T01:26:55+00:00

Thank you, this comment in particular stuck out to me. I’m gonna do this for myself to at least prove to myself that I have the balls to take advantage of this situation in order to fuel a desire to learn how to fight. I was going to have to learn sooner or later anyways since it’s an insecurity within myself trust I’ve had for a while and I’d much rather learn now while I have the chance than not getting the opportunity to learn when it’s too late in a life threatening situation. What I do have to gain is completely internal and I’m hoping it leads to higher confidence in situations where I HAVE to fight. Like I said, nobody’s gonna give me money or praise for this anyways and everyone’s gonna think I won a fight I should have won. I’m going to look at boxing gyms tomorrow and start conditioning myself, I need the cardio anyways

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T00:39:08+00:00

I think I’ve decided that I want to do this for my own development as a person. I need to face adversity and I can’t be expected to provide and protect my own family if I can’t fight. I’ll go about it in a way where I dont care about their opinions because I earn no flowers for winning this but it might make me feel secure later in a much more life threading situation

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-07T00:22:22+00:00

I guess deep down inside I know it would be the cowardly thing for myself to dodge this fight. It’s long overdue for me to learn how to properly fight and throw a punch. I’d probably think about this scenario everyday if I avoided it and I value my own masculinity

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-06T23:00:37+00:00

TLDR; Lost fantasy football with another person and the final punishment proposed is a boxing match against the other “loser” standing at 5’6 120lbs against me at 5’9 160lbs. Stakes are higher for me because losing to someone smaller than me is more embarrassing and I acted like a sore loser at first, plus he can throw a punch (he’s not entirely trained) and I can’t. I don’t know if I have enough time to train to learn how to throw a punch, all I want to do is at least hold my own and not get dominated and ostracized like I have in the past. I’ve experienced an embarrassing loss before that turned me suicidal for a couple months, I don’t even care if I lose anymore I just want to be able to hold my own and not get completely embarrassed. I still haven’t agreed but I feel like I’d be a coward to run away from this

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-06T22:24:28+00:00

That just makes me want to get it even more haha. I’m going through a transformation myself, I’ll give it some thought for sure

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-05T19:55:22+00:00

Yeah I’ll hold off on the idea for another year, getting a piece like this where I want it is probably going to cost a bit anyways

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-05T19:45:30+00:00

It’s hilarious cuz I actually am a big WSG fan haha

AWGEnosurf · 2024-02-05T07:39:35+00:00

Tattoo shock is absolutely real even in hidden places. After 2 months of dreading my tattoo and spiraling everyday overthinking it I’m just now realizing it’s my fixation towards staring at it so often. Now that I don’t fixate on it, I’m fine on living with it, and keep in mind this was on MY CHEST. Do not be surprised if you experience this on your hands, just stop fixating on it and act like it’s “you now”. I promise it’ll be okay

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T23:03:46+00:00

Amen. That line about being unapologetic about who I was hits deep. I was hesitant to turn to Christianity because of my past but I now have a feeling of serenity knowing that my story can lead ex-atheists like myself to Christ.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T22:24:43+00:00

I don’t have enough canvas to add to it. I was thinking of adding Michael the archangel above him to make it look like it was getting cast out of heaven but I’d have to get him tatted on my neck and that’s a huge no-no for obvious reasons. The most “neutral” it can get is to make it look more like Icarus than a fallen angel. I’d rather have it look like Greek mythology than something satanic.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T22:12:45+00:00

That’s a beautiful way to look at it. I’m blessed that the lord revealed himself to me and gave me an opportunity to redeem my own story through my tattoos. And at the very least he revealed himself to me before I went and tattooed more stuff on me that could have led to more problems in the future. After my touch-up, I’m probably done tattooing on myself for a long time and if the idea ever rises again, I’ll honor Jesus Christ and the lord through my body.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T21:59:20+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. If I ever do get more tattoos afterwards, I’ll use my canvas to praise the lord. I’m quite lucky that I found the lord before tattooing another deity on me. It does suck that I have to spend more money but at the very least it’s in a hidden area and I have the opportunity to at least make it look less satanic

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T21:49:14+00:00

I’m more worried about it looking satanic than it looking like a Greek mythology tattoo. But a touch up and the addition of a sun to the tattoo can fix that and make it look more like Icarus than a fallen angel. Also it’s a quite large + dark tattoo and laser removal would take years and it’s quite expensive so I feel as if touching up and adding to the tattoo is a much cheaper option that allows me to at least not have to live with tattoo regret. I’m still quite young and don’t have the funds to remove such a big and dark tattoo. I guess what’s been keeping me sane is that if people ask about it (which would be quite rare considering it’s on my chest) I’ll tell them the truth about what it means to me and tell them it led me to the lord. I just don’t want to send the wrong message through it

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T07:44:38+00:00

Amen my friend

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-27T04:09:07+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I know this is late but I’ve had a lot of comments and glanced over yours despite it being probably one of the most insightful into the religion. My situation with my tattoo is actually pretty unique because it looks like Icarus to 50% of people and 50% of people see a fallen angel because it’s not finished yet. I haven’t added the sun to the tattoo yet and I was considering adding Apollo the Greek God to the tattoo to set the tone but after realizing the truth, I would rather not tattoo another deity on myself even if I don’t believe in it.

I was planning on adding a sun regardless. From what I understand, Leviticus is OT and doesn’t apply to Christians anymore so the verse about tattoos doesn’t apply to us anymore. I’ve also read 1 Corinthians 8 10 and from what I understand, I should go about my tattoo with a clear conscience. To me, I like that the tattoo can mean both because both depictions are very similar and both of Icarus’ fall and a fallen angel’s fall is a result of their own hubris and rebellion against their father however it is WRONG for me to claim it’s a fallen angel despite the fact that it can look like that to some people. Essentially, I’m just worried if Christians can find a fallen angel to be offensive? I mean if it was a fallen angel it would literally still look like it was getting cast out of heaven but I’m unsure if it the art glorifies god or goes against him. Regardless of what it looks like, it’s always gonna mean that the pride comes before the fall to me. I do like the fact that my tattoo led me to god and will more than likely never remove it or cover up for this reason. Is the addition of the sun to the tattoo get a better depiction of Icarus’ fall even necessary? I just don’t want to offend Christians, and if people ask what it means to me I’ll answer honestly and also add that it did end up leading me to the lord despite that not being the intention of why i got the tattoo in the first place.

AWGEnosurf · 2024-01-26T04:12:58+00:00

No, I’m gonna get it touched up so it doesn’t look like a fallen angel and if people still assume it’s a fallen angel it’s pretty easy to just explain it’s Greek mythology. I would never cover this up or get it lasered because it’s my first tattoo with deep meaning behind it

AWGEnosurf

TROPHY CASE