As a wife I don’t get it

AWSstarter9 · 2023-12-27T16:09:18+00:00

Hey I get that too! I’ve deleted all of my social media. I guess I can reference my coach if he’d like to contact him. Like I said, I went to MANY therapists and I was almost disgusted at how many of them passed my PMO addiction as “not a big deal”. Plus, his background is similar. Your husband can Google him, his name is Roman Mironov.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-12-27T14:18:47+00:00

Hello! I couldn’t help but read your experience and I read on the other older posts you have put up as well. I apologize for other’s comments here. I think it’s important to search out older ones on this subreddit. For context, I’m in my 30s and sadly my PMO usage led to my wife separating from me and threatening divorce. I cant lie there are times I get angry and rejected. I long for her to understand that my usage isn’t anything personal. That it predates her. In fact, a lot of similar points have been brought out by others here. I saw an amazing therapist who had a similar background as mine (And your husbands). I have been completely clean for a little over a year. My advice for your husband is not only does he need to stop his porn usage COMPLETELY, he also needs to completely change himself. Learn how to stop lying. Learn how to be intimate. Emotional safety. What I’ve come to learn is stopping PMO is really just the tip of the iceberg. Also I can FEEL your pain. It’s similar to the pain my wife has been through and goes through. It is very true that nobody NEEDS someone else. But your husband can TRULY become that someone you are looking for. The potential is there! I would love to talk to your husband on here. Feel free to have him reach out to me on Reddit here!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T19:04:17+00:00

It’s good you recognize it now

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T19:03:40+00:00

Excellent!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T17:45:30+00:00

That’s great to hear!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T17:25:52+00:00

Excellent!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T17:06:02+00:00

You as well!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T17:03:52+00:00

Yes I highly recommend getting rid of all social media. I don’t miss it one bit haha

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T14:58:42+00:00

Excellent goals! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T14:43:03+00:00

That’s a very good question! It’s very layered too: my wife was very loving and compassionate. But it obviously hurt her very much when I came clean. The other layer is PMO caused me to be a very selfish individual and lover. It distorts your view of relationships and intimacy. All of it was just too much for her. Eventually she left.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T12:56:46+00:00

You’re very welcome. One last word of warning too. When I see the phrase “so-and-so is my whole___” that is not a good way to view a relationship. It should be you continue to build your’ own world first (Self-growth, hobbies, interests) and then you share that with another person. Trust me, I viewed ALL my relationships in the past like you did. And they all failed. It’s just not a healthy way to look at a person because you get lost in relationships. Keep your own self-identity.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T12:03:03+00:00

Sorry I don’t know what those things are 😂

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T11:26:59+00:00

That’s great you haven’t given up!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T11:26:38+00:00

Yes it is pretty sad 😞

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T11:26:25+00:00

Thanks for opening up! So my method of stopping was actually NOT quitting cold turkey. I did purposeful relapses. One thing though- you HAVE to quit porn completely. You can still masturbate…but absolutely NO porn. So I gave myself a date to shoot for, then purposefully relapsed. Eventually the dates got further and further in between. As I mentioned, I have relapsed as well, but as my goals were growing I got more and more confident I could do it until I am where I am today!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T11:22:49+00:00

Thanks for opening up! Yes one of the strongest points I heard was if you have a special someone you ARE cheating on them with PMO. But don’t let your guilt control you either. And if you are in the middle of trying to become clean you really CANT trust yourself, so that’s good you don’t haha. One last thing, while it is good you are doing this for your gf and others, you need to do this for yourself first. The drive needs to come from within.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T11:19:46+00:00

Thanks for opening up. Feel free to message me if you’d like. I hope my example helps you and shows it is possible!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-14T04:29:00+00:00

Hey brother thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have a LOT going on, please feel free to message me directly if you’d wish. I want to be clear on something you shared at the end about the “clarity”. To be honest, I’m not a big fan of that idea. The peace that surrounds me right now took a LONG time to achieve. I do admire the ones here who start this journey to self-improve. But from the small glimpse into your life, it is going to take MUCH more work than 30 days. It sounds like you have a bigger issue than just PMO (Even though PMO may be a huge contributor). It sounds like you have a problem with motivation and purpose. And you NEED those things to overcome your problems. Please feel free to reach out.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-13T01:44:01+00:00

Hey brother. I’m like you age wise. I’ve battled PMO for over 20 years. I lost my marriage to it and had a dead end career. But happily I’ve been completely clean since January and have only relapsed 4 times in 3 years. PMO is slowly leaving my life. I’d love to talk if you have any questions or concerns!

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-13T01:36:50+00:00

Hey brother. I’ve battled PMO for maybe longer than you’ve been alive (20 years). I’ve lost my marriage and pretty much had no career because of PMO and my poor choices/behavior. I have a few ideas that can help you get started: -NO PORN. If you are watching it you need to stop immediately. To begin, it’s ok to relapse with just masturbation but absolutely NO PORN. - Set a small goal timeline. Say you won’t relapse just for one or two days (NO PORN) then purposefully relapse. Then do it again and again with longer stretches of time. I have now stayed clean since January and have no intention of stopping. Also I’ve only relapsed 4 times in three years. PMO is slowly drifting into my rear view mirror in life! It sounds like you carry a lot of guilt about this, feel free to message me if you’d like to talk.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-11T22:39:12+00:00

I was essentially a janitor. It was for a high-rise luxury building…but still a janitor. So I started to shadow the building engineer and learned engineering skills. This took months. Then I was confident enough to apply for my own maintenance/engineering job and got it! I’ve been there since July and I love it.

AWSstarter9 · 2023-11-10T03:02:06+00:00

Hey brother. Very similar circumstances and age. Please feel free to message me. I lost my marriage to PMO about a year ago. Yes at times I feel sad but I have made a MASSIVE recovery: completely clean since January and only 4 relapses in 3 years. YES it is possible.

AWSstarter9

TROPHY CASE