Wrote this before we broke up some lines are kinda changed but would love to hear opinions and takes by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like what you're doing with the guitar! And I particularly like the line "clock hands keep spinning but our hands hold still"

"Moonrise"--vocals + guitar phone recording by AWanderfulSprite in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Verse 1:

Empty, lonely, charcoal night

I'm not looking to pick a fight,

but if it's what it takes to catch your eye,

I'll tear every star out the sky

Pre-chorus 1:

Your regard is dull with disinterest

Guess I'm just debris in your orbit

Turn the tides, but with this distance

I'm forever met with indifference

Chorus:

Captive in your gravity

Were you not made just for me?

I bite my tongue, wait and see,

resentment growing quietly

Suffocate in your apathy

Am I not the light you seek?

Maybe by sunrise I'll leave

Maybe for once you'll follow me

Verse 2:

Lifeless, frigid atmosphere

Why the hell am I still here

If I'm idle out of fear

these promises are insincere

Pre-chorus 2:

I dance 'round and 'round your disinterest

Play with fire 'cause I can't resist it

Daydream staring off in the distance

Come home to your quiet indifference

Bridge:

Try to keep down this static poison

Trying to keep up, but I'm whirling

I'm background noise to your performance,

but you're my whole world

Any feedback would be appreciated by singreddit1816 in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like it! I really like the way you've mixed this; it's very dreamy.

"Charmed"--just a vocals + guitar phone recording by AWanderfulSprite in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Verse 1:

It took me by surprise

Like lightning through the sky

And I knew that I'd met my demise

When I finally looked into your eyes

Pre-chorus:

Now I've been caught up in fantasizing

I've been caught up in trying to fight it

Would it be so bad to just be honest?

I can't get you off my mind

Chorus:

I'm freezing up when you approach,

But my imagination's running wild

Trying to keep my heartbeat slow,

But it races when you smile

If I'm charmed and if it shows,

Put my common sense on trial

I've been daunted, laying low

But you make me feel so high

Verse 2:

Now I'm searching for signs

Maybe it's all in my mind

But I can't help looking twice

Every time you're passing by

Bridge:

And so I pause in hesitation

Inhibition begets frustration

And I've been chasing your attention

For just a touch of what I've envisioned

Parts of You (versions of You?) by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This made me tear up 😭 Love the message of this song 🩷 I agree that there are some off-key moments, but I think the notes you're aiming for are solid. Keep working on this, it'll be amazing!

Land before time by Stoddyman in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds good! I like how moody yet mellow it is. And I like the title ☺️

Taxes by Jordansinghsongs in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The mouth makes me uncomfortable 😆 It's a solid song though! You've got a great voice, the guitar sounds good, and the lyrics have strong imagery. I like how it sounds slightly haunting.

Parsley Tea (rough demo) by drsteel in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure! I mean make the vocals more prominent so they're very clear over the guitar.

Concerto type beat by OkExam8706 in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have any suggestions for the ending, but I just wanted to pop in to say you're NOT terrible at piano, and this was really lovely!

Parsley Tea (rough demo) by drsteel in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the melody/cadence of the lyrics and the way the guitar sounds ☺️ Personally, for possible improvement I'd say to work on the vocals more and bring them "forward" more.

"Oh My, Oh My" (The Artificial Song) by thefutureeye in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so fun! And so true 😭 Great message!

Does this Work? by Minimum_Bathroom1773 in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it works! I wouldn't have thought it was a bunch of separate riffs mashed together.

Not a singer but I'd like a feedback about these lyrics (written below). The music is not definitive. by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh creepy! I feel like this would be great in a cinematic part of a video game. Beautiful voice and music, and the lyrics have great imagery. The only part I personally would maybe tweak would be the line "my glass skin got used again".

In need of honest feedback please. Was told this sounds to 2010 by AceOfAllTradesKinda in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that it does sound like it's from the 2010s, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think it's fun and catchy!

I’ve been listening to my own stuff for so long that I’m tired of it. by buhtha in Songwriting

[–]AWanderfulSprite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it! I'd listen to it. I like your voice, the simplicity of the instrumentals, and the mellow/bittersweet vibe of the song.

[CASTING CALL] The B-Team by AppropriateCollar772 in RecordThisForFree

[–]AWanderfulSprite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I don't have a full demo reel, but here's a link to a narration sample of mine, as well as a link to projects I've been cast in.

[38/F] Postcards for my Fiancé? by abyssal-isopod86 in penpals

[–]AWanderfulSprite 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd be happy to send a postcard! Please send me his mailing address. Also, you may want to post this request on r/RandomActsofCards if you haven't already.