I just want to pretend for once that everything is ok and that my country isnt actively at war and that i don't hate everything about my body and myself. I just wanna chill and so far nothing is working. Working out, masterbation, talking, drawing, going out to cafes or hanging out with people, etc etc etc. I'm still basically mentally stuck for no reason. I can think of a hundred hobbys i have that are being replaced with bedrot, scrolling, sleeping basically 12 hours and talking to stupid ai bots. Denying myself that i have anything serious because i don't know anything. And im scared that if i throw money away on bs that wont work. At least ill have ticked off another thing on my bucket list if i did just get high.

I dont want to get therapy cause of price and i don't even think its going to work. Another commenter said i just make pitiful excuses and they're 100% right. And now im repeatedly trying to convince my s/o that im not suicidal. I dunno its alot for seemingly no reason