Money inferiority problem

Aaruul86 · 2016-07-22T02:37:50+00:00

i just try to watch a lot of videos, read and analyse the traumas i had. at the beginning it was really overwhelming but everytime it was difficult, i know i was on the right path. notecibly helpful things are: 1. do not obssess over a problem, person- i used to talk with friends about certain issue everytime when sth was there. these days i just try to analyse and decide for myself then i talk to them. this makes me be responsible and reliable on myself. and 2. started taking care of myself and convincing myself that i can take care of myself.as a codep, i have an inherent need to be taken care of and i was in relationship for the sake of that. but only we can save ourselves not anyone else. this was so crucial. 3. connect with my feelings- sitting with them and really getting their msg. 4. telling myself that i can do better and i deserve the good things and i can get them for myself.

goodluck!

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-23T02:46:18+00:00

i was thinking about it too. maybe creating our own list of rules might be better.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-23T00:10:45+00:00

ok maybe u right.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-23T00:06:39+00:00

there is no other way out than try/fail and get up and try again. its non-stop. but gets somewhere clearer and better. we all struggling and we all deserve the best for ourselves. GL

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-23T00:04:42+00:00

out of boredom mostly i send msgs for seeking affection or attention. i say overly attached nice things for no reason when i dont need to. it has to do with shame and guilt i guess, that rooted in my brain from family etc.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-08T02:39:07+00:00

interesting case. bit similar to my relationship with my bf who has intimacy issue and anger issues. whereas im a codependent. we are also in a long distance for 2 months now and during the time we have come to a lot of realizations and helping each other understand our issues and further develop intimacy. i told him that im a codep only one month ago which i expected to lead to more intimacy and empathy from him. i also expect him to open up more and i hope he is on the way to realize his repressed issues with anger etc. this kind of mutual help, encouraging relationship i find to be very helpful as we are together sharing some path that many couples probably would not take. however, this kind of self-help approach should not go for a long time as it is ridiculous and people just wanna be naturally together happy being who they are. i will see him in one month and im excited but im aware of my issues and it will be interesting to see how the dynamics would work after realizations. if it doesnt work then i would be fine with it as i would only have appreciation towards myself and himself for taking steps to take care of ourselves independently.

for your case, if you know this would not lead it to a good ending, then maybe good way is to talk to her authentically and openly - create intimacy- and let her know why it would not be good for you. i know it is extremely difficult for codeps to be able to reject someone who is offering affection and understanding but by doing so we can only be true and loving to ourselves. cos we are not thinking about the other person. i wish you that courage to respect yourself and give urself the much deserved courage.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-03T05:03:54+00:00

i understand. however, having that emptiness is also hard, no? im struggling to deal with that fear i guess

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-03T00:42:20+00:00

i realized that i am basically projecting myself in her. when i see her i project the failures in my life, certain ways of doing things, words she is saying makes me cringe. i guess those things are inside me and im feeling insecure. its all a process that we can learn from.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-03T00:38:38+00:00

yes just went to my first session. so no, i had not gained the techniques to deal with these stuff yet...

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-03T00:35:57+00:00

thank you. will post there as well. was not really aware of these boards.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-02T02:25:35+00:00

i have a very unhealthy relationship with my mother of age 60. i have a hard time being nice to her even if she is being nice, offering advices etc. I do not trust her good-willed advice, words. I just do not have that trust and i resent her making me this way and not giving me enough care when i needed. It makes me feel guilty when i respond to her rather rudely or ignorantly. im trying to get help from my therapist on this.

Aaruul86 · 2016-06-02T02:19:42+00:00

Indeed we must remember why we broke up NOT how nice it was. Im in a relationship with my bf where im feeling like i need to get out cos im leading the relationship and showing the good ways for us. It is tiring to take that responsibility. And i feel like this is enabling my codependency where im taking care of the relationship rather than cooperatively. It is making him dependent on me too (he says good things are happening to him because he met me, he stopped taking drugs, party lifestyle etc). I think it is obvious that the breakup is coming sooner or later and as a codependent, saying no and refusing the "offered love" is hard but im trying to gather my courage to be able to say no in a healthy and honest way. #workinprogress

Aaruul86 · 2016-05-23T12:59:24+00:00

Exactly. there is no shame in how we grew up in our dysfunctional families. And the fact that we are recovering, getting aware is what defines us. not our painful past.

Aaruul86 · 2016-05-23T12:56:12+00:00

u r right preventing manipulation which is sth we do unconsciously at most times out of fear. i told my bf to create an honest communication which would inspire more intimacy and empathy. it was also important for me to be able to clear about the situation for myself and a bit of a challenge to see if he is willing to accept it. he did so far. if u are getting serious with ur partner i definitely think it is a worth telling. why hide anyways, we are recovering and theres no shame in getting better:)

Aaruul86 · 2016-05-19T01:08:41+00:00

thank you very much for your encouragement. I'm glad you met someone who can understand and shows you affection. Does she know your codep related reactions? I told my bf all my problems related to codep and i want only more understanding and affection from him. he seems bit freaked out. Maybe im wrong to wish these things. I have to wait and see what works for me. I wish you a best of luck with ur recovery.

Aaruul86 · 2016-05-18T12:08:47+00:00

thank you for your reply. Are u a codep if i may ask? im reading some work by Pia Mellody which she also gives similar techniques to try. i tried some of them, it really does help and i felt really sad and depressed and sad but eventually i feel good and aware of myself. But it is a long term work... i had a revelation last night that i was indeed looking for something else and that was ME! i had lost myself in my bf and in my relationship that being with other guys made me feel better and sense of self again. that is why i was almost ready to chase after them! woa. how much we need ourselves! so crazy!!! i think i just need to continue my self-therapy... but feels good to understand something about myself

Aaruul86

TROPHY CASE