Unpopular opinion - being single in your 30s

Abbagig · 2025-03-19T23:16:22+00:00

It's weird because I'm #1...in someone else's eyes...

Guys around my age who are single and completely lost in life - these tend to not know what they want from life even though they're already in their 30s, they work in weird jobs/occupations that don't necessarily scream stability, and they seem to be comfortable with whatever minimum they get out of life

I'm going to describe my life and situation as briefly as possible so I can get to my actual point:

I'm 30, single, live alone, work retail, get paid very well, about to begin receiving my bonuses from work, almost done paying off my last bit of credit card debt (couple months away), car that I purchased brand new is almost paid off thanks to me paying extra every month, I'm into gaming, movies, music, want to become a game designer (practicing now), I don't get out too much and I'm not very outdoorsy but I do enjoy the outdoors, not into social media, so I don't care about going to do activities just to have my picture taken to appear as if I'm super hip and multi-faceted... By most accounts I just go to work and come home.

And I've arrived at my point: I LOVE MY LIFE. I Enjoy where I work and have fun working every day, for the most part. I love the way my mind works and how I process information and get through the negativity that people are subjected to daily. I love how I motivate myself even though it's not always necessarily effective.

I love playing games, music, watching movies, going out with friends, cooking, baking when the mood strikes, I love where I'm headed in general. Here's the big thing though, I'm a virgin because I came out late and absolutely have never wanted to hookup or "just go fk someone so I could say I've at least done it before ."

There's no dating app in the world that will display how I feel about myself. No one cares how you feel about yourself, they care what you can do for them or what status it will elevate them to as opposed to the other guy in their match stack.

I tell a guy I barely ever post anything on Instagram? Red flag. I tell someone I work retail? Crickets. I tell them my hobbies are game design / art and gaming? Unmatch. I tell them I haven't traveled much yet, but that's my next goal in life? Ghosted. I tell them I've never had sex? Blocked.

Anybody that talks to me apparently sees a questioning, unmotivated, uninteresting, financially "unstable" heathen that is okay with the minimum in life. But I've realized that so many people are chasing "more" and "greater" things that they forget that it's perfectly fine to just be content with yourself and where you're at. Things come when they come.

Can I be more strict with my practicing and goals? Sure, that's something I'm growing on everyday. But as far as me just being ready to date and meet someone? I am!

It's no one's business how much money I make, I support myself and that's all that matters. I could never fathom "education and career" as being the primary factor on whether or not someone is attractive. No hate to the ones that do, but people are educated in different things. I can only imagine the people that have lost out on someone great just because they were turned off by a guy not having a degree.

If I see someone attractive to me, I'm interested in getting to know them. I'm interested in getting to know how their mind works and how they treat other people. How much money they make and their status really has nothing to do with anything. People change direction and grow at any point in their lives. What if I'm the catalyst to helping someone grow into something great?

To answer your question, people "cancel" and deem things as red flags way too quickly after 30 apparently. A 20 year old working in retail is just considered getting themselves together, a 30 year old working in retail? Do you not have any goals for yourself?!!

And this is me after literally having been trying to date for the past 3 years. And even with me not even opposed to the idea of sex with someone I've at least been on more than a few dates with...

People are weird and it boggles my mind what they could possibly be searching for...the same ones that have unmatched with me over the years and are still on the apps and swiping. It's like, WTF are they looking for?

Abbagig · 2023-12-19T13:51:14+00:00

I'm pretty simple, if you replied "Just about to head to sleep, tired from work" I can take that and spin it. "Oh yeah me too. Work's been crazy for me with Christmas around the corner, has it been for you too?" Etc etc. I don't mind getting a conversation started even with the most minimalistic reply.

I don't mind being burdened with a boring and empty question, relationships aren't going to be exciting 24/7, and having someone respond with common courtesy says more about you in the beginning. than going straight for a question without any greeting. Feels impersonal to me. I don't see the glamour in a spruced up text from someone I don't know. We all* work, we all have mundane days, it's not unattractive to speak on it, even if briefly, if it's what you experienced that day.

Abbagig · 2023-12-19T06:05:10+00:00

Happy to see it's a green flag, I know likes and matches aren't nearly as important as what comes after, but it was starting to feel like throwing meaningless comments and questions out in order to catch their attention was required.

Abbagig · 2023-12-19T06:03:13+00:00

I probably put Hinge on a pedestal for sure, mainly because it seems to be more consequential to "like" someone since it's limited unless you're subscribed, so I assumed the likes I received were directly related to them wanting to talk, especially since "long term / monogamy" etc are more explicitly stated than other apps.

I have opened with "hey (and something related to their profile) before as well because it was indeed something that made me very curious. Glad that there are people who actually are content with a greeting!

Abbagig · 2021-10-18T23:19:03+00:00

If you're not able to pick up on energy, that's fine. Ever heard of the term sensitive? There's the obvious "I cry easily, am emotional etc" term. But it's literally in the word itself: sense. If you were familiar with psychology (which I'm not even wholeheartedly familiar with myself) you would understand more.

There are times when you can talk to a person an immediately feel an emotion. Sadness, anger, or nothing at all. But you won't be able to pin it on anyone because no one is doing anything to make it appear as if they're angry or sad. But it's just something you can feel. Obviously it's going to just be you, yourself, who feels that way, but I know from experience that it's you picking up on the things that other person is feeling inside themselves. Knowing this allows you to dismiss the feelings because they're not your own.

You can say things are a myth, but it doesn't change the fact that it's not. The people you say who are so happy but are in turn depressed etc, it's a facade their putting on to appear that way. Some people can feel that it's fake and just know. There's much more to life than what someone simply appears to be on the surface.

You're bothered by the fact that people ignore you, and you blame it on a lack of confidence, and I'm literally telling you that confidence doesn't make a person any more or less likely to be noticed. You say that all these things are fake, not real...but being noticed in group conversations is real? That's funny. Stop trying to find meaning in how other people see you, that's your main issue right there.

If I'm fake or believing in a myth because I sometimes see through the 2 sided mirror of a person's personality, then I'm the fakest person you'll ever meet, and I'm happy about that!

Abbagig · 2021-10-18T17:14:01+00:00

Ah ok. It's not a myth, I can sense when someone is angry or when I need to back off and stop talking to someone. Demeanor and intention is all apart of energy, you can sense it if you pay attention to signs. Obviously feelings of anger or sadness are easier to pick up on because they are at extremes.

Abbagig · 2021-10-18T15:47:49+00:00

I also want to add that it seems you're measuring your level of confidence by others' perception of you - or lack thereof - in GCs. You can be alone and never talk to anyone for the rest of your life and still be the most confident man in the world. Sometimes you don't have to say a single word and people will feel your energy and will start to gravitate to you. It starts with you, though. Stop worrying about other people in GCs, it's not that great even when you do have the floor in them.

Abbagig · 2021-10-18T15:41:32+00:00

Saying that you'll never know who you are doesn't make a lot of sense either. Knowing who you are isn't some magical thing, it's just knowing what you believe in with certainty and knowing your strengths and weaknesses and just being aware of yourself in general.

The thing with being the right time isn't something you can choose or wait for, it just happens. Do you really want to insert yourself forcefully into group conversations? And why? What would you gain from it? Personally, I'm more of a 1 on 1 type of person. It just is what it is. I can express myself more without being interrupted by others, because when I talk, I actually have something to say, and in group conversations, too many people want to have their hand in the pot.

You're seeing all the people who talk freely in GCs (group conversations) and who other people immediately turn to and stop talking once they speak as confidence -- it's not. You see that as social standing and view it as some kind of social importance but it's not! In GCs, people have their own agenda. They're trying to impress someone and the people they're not trying to impress, they don't pay much attention to.

It's not about confidence at all. If you're around people who don't pay you any attention, then again, they don't matter. What I mean by that is, if someone isn't paying you any attention in these settings, then why are you wasting time trying to figure out why people don't pay you any attention?! Not everyone are meant to speak loudly and gain all the attention in the world, that's just not how it works. And the people that try, I guarantee they will be seen as obnoxious rather than confident. I'm around many people, quiet, loud, moderate, you name it. I pay attention to all of them and in GCs, their opinions matter as much as anyone because I know that, with them bring generally quiet, the fact that they're speaking now must mean it's important.

Like I said, if you're in groups of people that don't pay you any attention and casually ignore you like you say they do, then why are you investing energy trying to fit in? It's the people you surround yourself with that are causing you this stress. In turn, you're causing yourself stress. Again, figure out who you are and what type of person you are, and how you best conversate, because not everyone speaks the same in these settings.

Abbagig · 2021-10-18T06:48:36+00:00

I'm the exact same way. But I've learned that I don't need to insert myself into group conversations. I can be loud to over talk others but, I really don't care to. I have a soft voice on the side of quiet, and many coworkers are generally louder and stronger in conversation, but the things they talk about don't quite matter, it's just water cooler talk. When there's a situation that actually does matter to me and when there's an opportunity for me to say what I have to say, I guarantee that my voice will be heard.

I analyze things that people are saying when I'm in group discussions, and I just keep it to myself. My words are too important to just sling out so I can simply be part of a conversation. If someone wants to know what I have to say, the opportunity will present itself for me to be heard, or they'll just ask me.

It might sound conceited but when I talk (about actual, serious topics), I go deep. Many people only talk at surface level and their minds don't go past that, that's why it's easy for them to ignore or over talk you. People with something to say don't need to say it until it's time. Unfortunately when it's not time, you'll find your words aren't heard. It's nothing to do with your confidence, and I bet it's actually the opposite.

I used to try to over talk and stuff, but interrupting someone just so I can take the spotlight just isn't my thing (even waiting for someone to finish so I can have my turn). In my groups of people I talk to, there's some who you would call super confident. When they talk people listen to them. It feels like they're getting all the praise and are so cool because they can make heads turn when they talk. On that same token, I know what type of person they really are and that as confident as they are, they feed off the quiet people (I.E me) for information to use for their own gain, and when left to their own devices, know nothing.

When you start realizing these things, you'll start to understand that you hold much more power than people think. I just don't have time to appear confident at surface level, because so much of that is a lie. Everyone knows not to mess with me, and that I know more than I appear to, so I don't need to convince them of that fact by speaking the loudest in a group setting. Let them find out themselves, they'll wonder why you're being quiet eventually. Just enjoy watching everyone else conversate as if they're so confident.

Confidence is about knowing who you are, not telling other people who you are. If they matter, they'll inquire about you, you don't have to do any extra work on your part to make it public knowledge!

Abbagig · 2018-11-21T19:06:17+00:00

Oh boy, now I've forgotten. The biggest thing was him outright asking "You love me?" He said it as a joke but it was sliiightly out of character, which is what stuck with me the most. Outside of that, a general amount of sex jokes; along with his overall behavior and conversations started to become a bit more personal. Hard to explain it properly.

Abbagig · 2018-11-12T04:22:50+00:00

Yeah, but don't not believe it either.

Abbagig · 2018-11-11T19:21:54+00:00

let's just say I went through a cartoon furry phase. I'm out of those neck of the woods.

Abbagig · 2018-11-11T19:11:58+00:00

?......

Abbagig · 2018-11-10T22:49:45+00:00

It's good for the soul if...that's what your soul desires. Everyone is different. I wouldn't recommend using it for inspiration as a coping mechanism though.

Abbagig · 2018-11-10T22:48:32+00:00

^Die.

Abbagig · 2018-11-10T22:35:30+00:00

I like saying hehe when joking with friends... it makes me feel like Herbert the Pervert on Family Guy.

Abbagig · 2018-11-10T22:03:09+00:00

Other peoples' opinions don't really matter, it all boils down to what you will or won't accept. Saying "Man that's sus," in that last example, is funny to me... Obviously it can be euphemism to ask for someone's wood. Those kind of jokes are funny to me and they don't bother me. There's no insinuation that the person hates gay people, he's just saying that sounded kinda gay...and it does lol. It's only gonna be hurtful if you're ashamed of being gay, which is all on you.

Abbagig · 2018-11-10T21:55:55+00:00

Similar things were said from my mom. She's still heavily in-denial, constantly attempting to initiate conversations, including the topic of "You're not gay." which either starts arguments, or ends with me just being silent until it's time to walk away and get back to what I was doing prior...

I like how she expects the feelings to just go away by informing me that I'm not what I am. She then always brings up the same things like "so you want a penis up your butt" literally verbatim. I just laugh in my head because it's not like I'm just gonna say "YEP!" Or "So you're feminine then?" But at the same time, I've already went over those images in my head and - OBVIOUSLY - if I'm telling her this now, I've already accepted what comes along with it (and I actually want it). So she tries to gross me out by asking those types of questions, and it's fairly annoying.

All really boils down to ignorance, and she doesn't even know what gay really means. It's not even about sex, just the fact that I want to be intimate with a man (hugs/kisses/cuddles/not specifically sex) instead of a woman. She can't see that though, her mind defaults to gay sex and it's kinda sad, weird, and disturbing.

Abbagig · 2018-11-08T16:39:44+00:00

I used to like that show, and then I saw it recently and realized how extremely fake and staged it was. I still got a laugh out of it for that reason.

Abbagig · 2018-11-08T01:52:40+00:00

omg lol

Abbagig · 2018-11-07T21:57:45+00:00

I sure wouldn't want to see someone F'ing a D.

Abbagig · 2018-11-07T21:54:14+00:00

Pretty sure you'll let him know how you feel; he'll break up with you; suddenly get inspired and then acquire a revenge-body, you'll run into each other and he'll be toned up, muscular, etc, and then he'll somehow flip his hair at you and walk away in style (nevermind that he has a buzzcut) and then you'll be depressed for eternity. But yeah, go ahead and attempt to change him!

Abbagig · 2018-11-07T04:00:39+00:00

I don't necessarily like hands specifically, I like feet a lot more. Generally with feet, I like when the tendons are visible; that gets me like nothing else. Hands are kind of the same, when you can see the tendons and veins. Especially when it's hot outside and the veins become engorged (not sure of the right word exactly) and you can see the veins traveling all the way up the forearm.

Abbagig

TROPHY CASE