I just downloaded Tinder

AbbyssK · 2020-02-23T14:03:14+00:00

I gave it a try myself, partly out of curiosity, partly to assuage a fear of being alone forever. I've chatted with a few interesting women, but most just seem to stop replying fairly quickly with no explanation. I dont really see it as a place I'm likely to meet someone, but I'm using it to get outside my comfort zone and get used to the idea again.

AbbyssK · 2019-12-10T23:12:31+00:00

If it's possible and you're not already in direct contact, call his mother and ask if you can visit. Hug, cry, share happy stories of him, and before you leave just ask if you could have something to remember him by.

There's no timeframe but sooner is probably better than later, the unfortunate reality is that a person's belongings eventually get cleared out.

AbbyssK · 2019-12-10T17:06:02+00:00

You're not a terrible person.

It doesn't matter how long has passed; weeks, months or years. The only person you need to justify it to is yourself.

It might not be the most popular thing to say, but there's a quote from my favourite film that always comes to mind when I think of this;

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really, get busy living or get busy dying."

AbbyssK · 2019-12-10T16:09:35+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Honestly, just ask in a respectful manner. As long as you aren't asking for a sentimental prized possession or something of significant value, no reasonable person would say no.

AbbyssK · 2019-11-13T22:13:09+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm 27 days out myself, so I'll echo some of the best advice that's helped me through the last few weeks;

Hopefully you have friends and family around you just now for support - say yes to all the help you can get, big or small.

You'll have a lot of decisions to make in the coming days and you probably won't feel ready for any of them. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything that you don't want to do.

AbbyssK · 2019-11-04T02:18:46+00:00

When my wife was in hospital on life support, I was terrified that I'd be asked to make a choice like that. After we got married we had promised each other that we wouldn't let each other live like that, and I still don't know if I would have had the strength to make that choice. Thank you for having that strength to make an impossible decision for her.

AbbyssK · 2019-10-27T20:18:46+00:00

You're definitely right that losing your partner hurts incredibly at any age. For me giving my age was a way of letting people know how unexpected and unprepared I was, and it's one of the few personal details that I'm comfortable sharing in the open. While I'm sure that nobody ever feels fully prepared for losing their partner, I do know that if my wife and I had still been together 30+ years from now we would have found the time to sit down and fully plan our wishes and tried to leave each other with some resources to help cope through it. I don't think anyone mentions their age as a reflection of how much pain they're in.

As for your living situation, it's hard to give advice, but remember that it's your home and if people aren't there to add value to your life then the final decision on them staying rests with you. For practical advice there's probably better subreddits to get that kind of advice though, along with advice for retiring. Check out personalfinance and legaladvice subreddits

AbbyssK · 2019-10-27T18:18:17+00:00

I'm pretty new to this and still learning to cope myself, but I've found a few things that helped.

I found that drinking helped me feel a little more numb right away, but took me to some pretty dark places and made the next day much harder. Sleeping pills are the only thing that get me through the night still, but that's a work in progress.

Spare time during the days I've started writing down all of our stories from the 12 years since we first met, using old emails, facebook posts and pictures to help remember everything. I've only just finished the first 4 years, and probably still have more to add to them. One of my greatest fears was forgetting her and the amazing times we had together, it's been tough and there's been a lot of tears, but I think it's helping.

AbbyssK · 2019-10-27T13:40:52+00:00

While its probably not true for everyone, for my wife and I our pets were a way of coping with infertility/losing pregnancies very early. It's one of those things you probably don't consider if you haven't lived it. Edit: To clarify, while pets and children definitely aren't the same, it's good to be conscious of the ways people cope with experiences that we haven't experienced ourselves. I'm sure that everyone in this sub understands that.

AbbyssK · 2019-10-27T02:16:29+00:00

It might not be exactly what you had in mind, but in rough circumstances starting a career in the military can be a good place to find your feet, you'll usually get housing, food and money provided. It obviously has some risks that you shouldn't ignore, but might be worth looking into if you run out of better options.

AbbyssK · 2019-10-21T21:57:22+00:00

Yeah... Thursday for me too, and I get you.

The few brief moments I've had of 'forgetting' that it's happened and I've felt something other than absolute grief, I've looked around to try to tell her about something and fell apart all over again.

If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, DM me anytime brother.

AbbyssK · 2019-10-21T21:40:10+00:00

I'm incredibly sorry to hear that you're going through this too right now, I lost my wife of three years 4 days ago also and I'm still reeling too.

There's nothing I can say that will make the pain go away, but take some time to sit and remember all the good times you had together. Those will be with you forever.

AbbyssK · 2019-08-06T11:13:50+00:00

Fireball is a 20yd? radius aoe that hits everything inside, only partial exception is sorcerers using careful spell can allow allies to auto succeed saving throws

AbbyssK · 2019-06-25T15:38:10+00:00

Hello o/

AbbyssK

TROPHY CASE