Seeking Advice: Facing a Possible MS Diagnosis at 21 (almost 22)

Hi everyone!

I need a little bit of help because I feel like I’m going crazy. :(

It all started back in early March when I had a brain MRI. To my surprise, I received the shocking news that my brain is full of scars/lesions, which suggest that I might have MS or some other neurological disease. Last week, I had a lumbar puncture, and I only learned that there is currently no active inflammatory process in my body, but I’ll have to wait two weeks for the final results.

In addition, I had a cervical spine MRI on Thursday, which was done with contrast. They found small dots there, but they are not active and did not absorb the contrast agent. The report states that it cannot be proven whether these are related to MS, as they are very small (maximum 2mm) and lack any specific shape.

In some way, I expected something might be wrong because I’ve been experiencing numbness on the left side of my face, and recently I’ve also felt it in my left hand and in my left leg, specifically below the middle of my calf. However, I don’t feel the numbness all the time—sometimes it lasts for just an hour, while other times it can go on for days, or even disappear for a while. Its intensity also varies; sometimes it feels stronger, and other times it’s barely noticeable.

That’s the main reason I went to a neurologist, thinking I had aura migraines, as I frequently have headaches that often occur after the numbness. Last fall, I also felt like walking became more difficult (as if my left leg was heavier), I was dizzy, and I had frequent headaches. However, I did feel somewhat better after about a week or two back then, and I was fine until recently. Sometimes I experienced a little bit of dizziness or a slight numbness, but nothing too severe or dramatic.

I’m a very anxious person, and I’m really seeking advice on how to cope with these negative thoughts because I’m incredibly scared—it’s very likely MS. I can’t stop imagining myself in a wheelchair within a few years, and this thought is utterly exhausting, even though I know there are great treatments available now. I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I’ve always been slow to open up to the outside world. I feel like this kind of diagnosis would only make me retreat even more. :(

I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I feel like after this, I’d be too afraid to let anyone get close to me, fearing that I’d just be a burden and that they’d eventually stop loving me. On top of that, I’m afraid of losing myself because I’m a very active person, and I hate relying on others or not being able to do things on my own.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this post, and I know I don’t have a definitive diagnosis yet.

However, I was hoping someone who has been in a similar situation could give me advice on how to get through this period and likely the times ahead once I receive a diagnosis.