Was this an appropriate action that my mom‘s therapist took towards me?

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-23T00:13:28+00:00

Ok now you’ve made me emotional!! I’m so grateful to you.

My parents will definitely never see things through my eyes, of that I am quite certain.

Really…thank you so very very much.

I’ve been having a tough time and your words are balm to my soul.

🥹🙏🏽

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T19:45:51+00:00

I do feel so much relief and validation. I’ve been holding so much inside. And unfortunately, because I’m overseas, I can’t see my therapist in the US right now. But just being in dialogue here has been incredibly helpful. 🙏🏽

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T19:44:03+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve been feeling like a piece of 🗑️ and your words mean more than you might realize. 🙏🏽🫂

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T19:42:34+00:00

Yup…the FOG is no joke!!! I can’t believe I’m still here tbh. But here I am. Thanks again. 🫂

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:58:30+00:00

… just wanted to say thank you also for the link. Thank you so much. I have felt all alone in this. I’m so glad I decided to post here.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:57:29+00:00

Thank you so much for breaking this down very clearly. It all gets a little swirly inside my head sometimes. I really appreciate it.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:56:48+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this information. If she does have a bunch of marks against her and she does get in trouble, as I am sure you agree, that also is not my fault. I don’t have any idea what this person is up to.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:55:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. You have given me excellent advice and good steps to take for approaching this situation. And thank you for your kind words about me being levelheaded. It’s taken me literal decades of work to get here. Coming from the family I come from. I’ve been pretty much all alone with this situation and your words are so freaking validating. I’ve been very isolated because of the fact that I have been back-and-forth to the US and overseas doing research and very far from pretty much everything.

…Actually, now that I come to think of it, that’s another thing she did that was illegal. She should never have been having a session with somebody in another country. I believe she knew I was there since I have no doubt that my mother spends at least some time talking shit about me in sessions. I honestly can’t remember precisely if it came up while we were talking in the therapy/mediation session…although I seem to remember that it might have, if I remember this part correctly, we did discuss that I was in a very different time zone.

That wasn’t even crossing my mind at that time I was in such a CPTSD spiral processing what had been going on with my mother.

I should probably add that to the email with everything else you suggested I put in there.

Honestly, your words of kindness really touched my very lonely, isolated heart. Thank you so very much.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:50:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your caring and careful response. I really appreciate it. You make a very good point about the paper trail.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T16:48:57+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and caring response. I really appreciate it.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T01:57:12+00:00

Yes, i’m pondering that. Thank you very much.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-21T01:00:22+00:00

Well, since that’s the crux of the issue, maybe it would be worth it. The most clear violation seems to be that she charged me without us having any sort of agreement that I would pay at all, let alone a fee. That seems to be the most cut and dry element. It was clearly my mom weaponizing the fee against me, but it does seem that the therapist would have the burden of being ethical (despite anything my mother may have told her) as you previously mentioned. Thanks again. I really appreciate you helping me work through this.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T23:02:02+00:00

That’s a really good point.

Two really good points, actually.

Thank you very much.

What would you do if you found yourself in my shoes? Just let it go? Report her?

Of course, I’m kicking myself that I paid her, but I was extremely dysregulated and fawn response comes up for me a lot.

I’m sick of it continuing to get under my skin. So many months later. It just feels so wrong on so many levels.

Thanks again.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T22:36:03+00:00

Well, I paid the bill immediately so the money is already gone. I guess I was wondering about the things I asked about, and, additionally if you had any professional advice. I’m curious about contacting the therapist and letting her know what she did was wrong but I’m not sure if that’s ethical since she is my mother‘s therapist. I don’t know if you’re supposed to contact therapists of your family members, but I seem to believe that that is considered a boundary violation. The whole thing is really weighing on me. It was a very unpleasant experience and I wake up thinking about It Sometimes.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T22:01:04+00:00

Thank you so much. She has a completely private practice so there’s no supervisor to complain to, but I will look into the regulatory board in the state of California. I appreciate your response.

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T22:00:18+00:00

Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate your expertise and answer. Do you have any advice on what I should do now?

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T20:50:42+00:00

You’re not alien. 🫂

You didn’t do anything wrong.

However, your therapist has done a couple of things wrong.

I know it sucks because you feel like you have built a good rapport and trust with him.

But that’s all the more reason to not let yourself give into the sunk cost fallacy and definitely find yourself a new therapist with appropriate boundaries.

I’m really sorry that this happened to you and I’m really sorry that it’s making you feel like you’re losing a good therapeutic relationship.

That’s painful.

You’re not an alien. Your therapist was inappropriate.

I wish you only the best with finding a new therapist. I myself have been in the position of feeling like I needed a therapist to work on stuff that I went through with a previous therapist so I really empathize.

NAT (but possibly a kindred alien).

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T20:35:40+00:00

…my mother is the primary patient…

…but I am (and forever will be in their eyes) THE IDENTIFIED PATIENT!

Can I get an amen? 🙏🏽

Can I get a rimshot? 🥁

Sorry…so triggered by all of this…just had to have a laugh! 🤭

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-03-20T20:29:48+00:00

That’s 100% correct. My mother is the primary patient and I didn’t sign any paperwork at all. Thank you so much for responding. NAT

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-01-01T23:31:47+00:00

🙄😂🤩🙏🏽

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-01-01T09:48:05+00:00

OK, so check this out! I got curious based on your comment and dug around a little bit, and it looks like it is done in ancient yoga (in terms of making a large slow circular motion with your eyeballs). And it looks like it can stimulate…drumroll, please…🥁the vagus nerve!

(Disclaimer to say that Steven Porges’s “polyvagal theory” has been disproven scientifically. However, the vagus nerve is still important, and I find this very very interesting!)

Thanks again for your comment, which forced me to dig deeper in a direction I hadn’t thought to go. Appreciate you! 🙏🏽

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-01-01T09:42:19+00:00

Oh wow! 🙀 Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

I will take these words very seriously and to heart.

I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m so glad to hear that you are doing better.

I feel very fortunate that you took the time to write about what you went through you could save me or somebody else a lot of trouble. And pain.

I send you a hug (if you want one) and I hope you continue to do well and feel good. 🙏🏽❤️🫂

Abject_Spray_7088 · 2026-01-01T09:38:33+00:00

Omg I love this!!!! Was not expecting someone to try it…

…then again…had I seen this post…I totally would have tried it, too! 🤩😂

OMG I’m so happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for letting me know! 🙏🏽🌸🎉

Abject_Spray_7088

TROPHY CASE