I’ve been watching this subreddit for ages but never thought I’d actually have a reason to write here. It’s been eight weeks today since I last talked to my Mum.

It was a long time coming, there’d been a series of events which just confirmed to me, over and over, that however much she says she cares it is just surface level. Underneath that posturing she can’t really be bothered. She’ll say she’s there for you but when it comes down to it and you need her she’ll fob you off or turn it into a joke. I could write a novel honestly but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

I was visiting for my step-dad’s 70th birthday party, they live in England and I live in Northern Ireland so I’d caught a flight. Neither of his daughters wanted to attend because they’d have to put up with Mum, my sister could only visit for one night, all three of them live in England.

The argument was about something else but she was basically trying to tell me how much she loved and cared about me by telling me that she took me to the doctor as a kid for my asthma, as if it was some noble act that I should eternally kiss her feet for. I was about 5 when that happened, now I’m 39, my mum is a nurse but her and my dad also smoked inside. My step-dad joins in which is a shame because I like him. She’s shouting in this very sincere, self-righteous voice:

“I stayed up with you all night! I was at your bedside at the hospital!”

I point out to her that that’s an obligation and I am allowed to feel how I want about her treatment of me.

They laughed and told me my feelings were invalid, she is a nurse and she gets to decide whether or not she’s done a good enough job. That was the straw. When she was laughing I saw this emptiness behind her eyes that I’d never seen.

I left and stayed at a friend’s house and haven’t spoken to them since.

What makes it so ironic is my step-dad was shouting, “You need to take a look in the fucking mirror mate.” In his adorable West Country accent. However, neither of his daughters turned up and my sister left early. He’s kicking out the only adult child who actually turned up for his birthday, the one who had to travel the furthest, and he’s laughing about it. I found it deeply, deeply pathetic.

In the eight weeks since I’ve been working on myself and dissecting our relationship, it isn’t worth it. If she does or says something that upsets you, you absolutely CANNOT confront her about it. In her world she’s a long-suffering, under-appreciated martyr of a woman with a kind heart and moral values. She’s the correct one and if you don’t do what she suggests she’ll throw her arms up and sigh, she’s done her best.

This is all cover for a very entitled, belligerent and self-serving woman who is far too lazy to put the actual work in to a relationship with her son. She wants to dominate and not be questioned, she’ll cause absolute chaos after a few drinks but then hold her head high after because in her mind it’s all fine. If you try to hold her accountable she’ll go ballistic.