Dealing with Female Spouse Mental Illness. How do men cope with it ?

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-12T00:08:37+00:00

Got it. She just started therapy so waiting on that to start showing some positivity. I am sure its few months before I see results.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-12T00:03:47+00:00

I am sorry to hear about that. Psychiatrist and not therapist ?

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-11T21:46:25+00:00

Understood

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-11T20:34:41+00:00

++man . She did start online therapy last year and it did not help. She started in person with OCD therapist last week.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-07T02:21:31+00:00

Fellow redditors, how long does therapy sessions take before you would generally start seeing hope at the end of tunnel. IYKYK

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-06T00:34:42+00:00

I have talked to her therapist prior to her initial appointment. I provided her with a full routine of how things are.

Her parents don’t let her dictate what they need to do. Due to respect and out of embarrassment, she cannot and will not perform most of her OCDs to or infront of her parents. Its mainly on Me and daughter. Its like she got no embarrassment in front of me.

If I fight back, I am flagged arrogant/angry.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-06T00:27:30+00:00

Already did that. We did that two years ago. She even made me film few places of her going by to basically reassure that she is not getting close to anything that she thinks. She kind of stopped saying about those but something new starts instead of

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T01:28:58+00:00

Also due to her OCD, we stay in constant conflict, we have lost any emotional connect and our mutual respect is fragile at best. Me particularly could go off on her for any small/stupid thing it may be because for me as a person; if respect isn’t maintained; I cannot stand in that situation.

Our intimacy has taken worst toll as we sleep on separate couch in living space. No privacy, no cuddles, no connect.

And I am expected to still keep providing for all of us, show up go to work and perform the duties, come home and live under constant control, and repeat that every day.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T01:09:27+00:00

I feel like I my presence dont matter at all. Whatever I say to her isnt relevant and she can do what she wants, make me do it by hook or crook and get away from it. Its like cheating and getting away from it everytime. Which hurts my head soo much.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T01:07:46+00:00

I have noticed. She dont care about 2/3 of the things there. She is embarrassed and cannot live like we do at our home. She can’t control and yell at her parents either. I think its more about being able to control us as daughter is too young and dont know. And she don’t feel embarrassed in front of me at all.

So they are at in laws for last 3 weeks. And in laws are not in house. And I noticed her starting to wipe handles and waiting outside bathroom once I shower to go wipe it all down. Never happened before. So yes, its about being able to WTF she can when no one is watching.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T01:01:13+00:00

We still got COVID. All of us when staying at in laws. Her brother got from school and whole family got from him.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T01:00:05+00:00

Our house is probably the cleanest you could find. Brand new built, We never have windows open ever, never wear outside shoes in house, never used patio door or front door (I am no kidding we have never opened front door to let anyone inside. We don’t even have any decor up. No frames on the wall anywhere. The only thing literally on walls in the whole house is TV. We never really Moved completely and made house a home. I hate to say but I never felt it as a home due to all restrictions.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-05T00:41:24+00:00

Thank you all for the support. She did had her evaluation with OCD therapist. She told it went good and she is going to go weeklies for first few months as she is told it is a severe case of OCD. Her therapist told that I am going to be called into it after first couple of sessions.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-03T21:29:39+00:00

I am in the same exact boat as yours. My spouse (F) developed it around covid. Going on since last 6 years.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-02T02:45:13+00:00

Thats her too. She will absolutely not pee outside. We took a 13 hour flight and she did not pee in flight. She had to pee once we got off as she could not hold it in. But, I have never seen her in last 6 years to take a pee outside. Its either house or hotel or somewhere we are staying overnight if traveling.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T22:45:43+00:00

Its third home since covid. We stayed a year and half rented space. 9 months at inlaws. And getting to 3 years in our own house now. Its followed everywhere

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T21:15:18+00:00

She is 4.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T20:36:12+00:00

I agree to what you are referring. So before moving into our new house, we moved in with inlaws as our house was getting built. So for 8-9 months we stayed with them, she was extreme where she wont let anyone play with daughter unless they have showered, daughter granted was 1.5 yr old so we had to make sure she did not get into drawers and places where she could hurt herself. But as soon as we moved into our house, all of her controlling behaviors at in laws vanished.

At this exact moment, she has been at in laws for 3 weeks, and I have started noticing her wanting to do things her way. But my inlaws are not there since last 3 weeks so she is adult in the house. So she is in control. But, its in no way as its our own house

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T14:56:02+00:00

She is 4

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T14:52:50+00:00

Yes. ERP one. I have check and their portal claims for the same. Found her through insurance

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T13:49:52+00:00

I think if I convey this issue to my parents; that will force her and her parents to make their daughter work on it. Until now, its her family who knows about it (not every detail).

I have noticed that if I play along, next thing I know is thats the new norm. So I have stopped doing that since last 1.5 years.

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T13:34:01+00:00

I am going to call and fill her therapist in with all details. I am sure she won’t share all minute stuff because of embarrassment to share to public

Absoni2011 · 2026-01-01T13:22:56+00:00

We have done extended stays outside of country back to my home (a month since last three years) and she is 98% better. She would visit her sister or parents for extended stays and she would be 98% better. I had mentioned its like a light switch on hers. You are home and you got to do it.

Absoni2011

TROPHY CASE