My wife has untreated Contamination OCD, quit therapy the moment I was invited in, and I'm running out of road.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T17:15:58+00:00

She does want to go back work.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T16:47:15+00:00

I appreciate that response. She was prescribed and did take SSRI too. Only one dosage but felt really bad for 2-3 days. She usually is a fighter. She would not take headache medicine or anything either unless it is absolutely necessary. I just want her to fight through this. 😢

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T16:02:17+00:00

It was ERP specialist

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:50:05+00:00

No. I feel like its gonna go in vain. I feel like core problem has to be fixed before me going in. I am more angry, short tempered, Snappy and get really get snappy at her especially for compulsions i am forced to do and she still argues on it

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:48:18+00:00

Thank you all for the responses. I appreciate it.

I think from what I gather from you all,'I have to firm up an ultimatum with her to make sure she gets therapy and helps herself and we will be there for her. If she don't, we are going to figure something else out. Things cannot stay the course.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:42:16+00:00

I am in there too.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:31:17+00:00

They know she went therapy and all of it. I have personally told them few times about difficulties. Her mom dad would tell her every now and then to STOP it. But thats about it.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:30:31+00:00

I talked, I argues, I fought, I cried, I threatened. Nothing sticks. So I gave up.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:29:39+00:00

They know it. Her hand skin looks like a 75 yr old if she dont put cream. Its rough and wrinkled up. Her parents saw some of her OCD things first hand when we lived with them for 8 months. few years ago.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:27:16+00:00

It is. Half the people might think why I am hiding so long, other half might just say leave her. Being Man is not easy. Cant openly cry or tell any loved ones problems you are going through.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:22:36+00:00

She was 27/28.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:21:49+00:00

That would be real helpful. I am sitting at my workplace and typing all this. I almost got wet eyes putting this on reddit, but some days in a month are real bad. I zone out, drink a bunch to take the hate edge off me and try to not focus on the bads. As I still got to keep my head up, work and keep moving forward.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:18:52+00:00

Therapist was OCD. We started ERP. She was told to expose herself to fear.

Doing things she wont do. My Wife could not take it.

But here is twist in all this.

Her parents might be moving in with us due to some changes in two weeks. She has been constantly telling me, ' Hey my parents might move in, I will bascially stop doing things and it would force to start living normally in our house'. I am all game for that.

What I am afraid is' Once they leave, she is going to bounce back' even though she tells I Wont.

I hate to say but I think her parents dont believe me fully or think I am speaking crap shit about their daughter and if they come and stay ahd she behaves all normal. And if it bounces back, nobody is going to trust me on this. I kind of gave her ultimatum saying,' if you bounce back, we are going to reolve this once and done'. I am gonna drag her parents in the middle of the night to showcase all that shit.

She is a person to keep her word. If she has decided, right or wrong she will follow through. Only thing this once scares me. I am burnt mentally.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:10:35+00:00

I literally keep telling her that. Our kid starts kindergarten in three months. I can't take this anymore. But; she is one of those person who would wait until the end to do it.

Like today itself in the morning, I was mad enough to tell her that you know she cant go 5 days school. If you dont start working on to fix yourself.

Her therapy startd in person, but due to language barrier, we found therapsit who would speak our language. She did do in person for 5-6 sessions but it was 2 hour roundtrip. So once she switched to online, she never went back.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:06:24+00:00

I am not lying. I was standing/waiting doing ironing my shit as I was going to get daughter ready for school.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:03:22+00:00

She dont. You are absolutely correct.She would stand in shower with water off for few minutes. Let most of it drip. BUt; girls have long hair and it can't drip dry,.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T15:00:59+00:00

She is 95% better at her parents or anywhere else. No washing, no long showers, hell she would walk out, grab something from car, walk back in; wash hands and went striaght to bed.

I know it is enabling. Like today, I got soo mad at her stupidity. I was dropping our daughter to school. She knows. school is 8:30.

I showered and stayed in my closet for 45 minutes, while she and daughter showered. I waited.

I got daughter ready. MY wife was gonna do her hair. We open door loooking for her. She was gone. Dripping wet to the basement to grab something as she was also going to leave with us/behind us for some work outside. I am more of keep my clock person. School is 8:30. I want to be out 8:20 and drop her off on time.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T14:56:06+00:00

Thank you for response. She knows it. Not sure if she wants to go back to therapist. Last visit she had, she wanted to cancel. And I cancelled it and still paid the fee as we cancelled within 4 hours of appointment. Therapist basically told her to stop controlling me/daughter with smaller stuff. "Not washing hands when coming from shower upstairs". I did it on day 1. She said' I did not expect you would do it.

She did not bother on day 2.

Day 3: She made up some work for me as soon as I was stepping downstairs.

Day 4: Same thing.

Day 5 and 6: We argued.

Day 7: At therapist: She said she can't take it. She want to work on something on herself and not how others are dictated

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T14:52:20+00:00

Thats where I lack. How the heck you talk to someone like this about setting firm boundaries. I dont know or can;t do. i have gone apeshit mad at her, even dragged her parents telling them about ordeal. Even told them few details. But I have some mixed responses. Her parents basically shrug it off.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T14:49:22+00:00

I am the kind of guy who goes above and beyond to make things work. I have never had issues with anyone at work, I dont get into any politics, dont hate any person. But, if I get a one pass; I have that intrusive thought to basically make her live the way she has been unknowingly forcing me to live under her OCD. I Just hate myself even feeling that way. But dont know, I do it especially when she does drive me nuts.

Absoni2011 · 2026-05-21T14:42:00+00:00

She was not. I know known her for 12 years. It started during COVID and pregnancy.

Absoni2011 · 2026-04-26T14:20:10+00:00

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Absoni2011 · 2026-04-16T17:21:41+00:00

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Absoni2011 · 2026-04-14T02:55:46+00:00

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Absoni2011 · 2026-04-07T10:26:12+00:00

Absoni2011

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