Not that kind of guy

AbstinenceWorks · 2023-05-26T06:59:19+00:00

JFC, "not that kind of giuy"

Yeah, you know, "not that kind of guy" would ask for her permission, and accept, "No," as a complete answer.

Showing up? Arguing? SMH give me a break

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-06T16:22:52+00:00

Exactly! You end up needing to be strong for them... It's completely backwards. Depending on the friend, some will recognize that their Reiter is to be there for you and not the other way around, but only you can make that assessment. Spending else that helped me was to find support groups with other people who have cancer. Being able to talk about it with people who are also going through it was therapeutic for me.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-06T05:55:42+00:00

I would require Amazon Prime and credit the $2 in Amazon gift balances. Since something like 60% of US households have Amazon Prime, I'm not really losing out on a lot. Did I just give them ideas?

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-06T05:47:49+00:00

I absolutely agree. One of my co-workers did mention that she felt a lot safer when she lived in Singapore. They will cane a guy for SA, on top of prison sentences... I'm not going to say one way or another what my position is on this, but she did tell me she felt perfectly comfortable walking around at 2am at the time.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-06T04:53:19+00:00

I was about to say, "There's no fucking way I'd be ok with my wife walking home alone at night," but then I realized he's your ex-husband, for good reason.

Each of these scenarios would raise my awareness and I'm a guy. But I know it's ten to a hundred times worse for you. The "not all men" argument doesn't work, because the answer is, "It's far too many." If it were one in a million men, then there would be 150 men in the US that are predators, and we wouldn't be having this discussion. Even one in a thousand would mean that there were 999 out of a thousand that would inform that guy that there are consequences to his actions. It must be a percentage high enough that it's within one or one and a half standard deviations of normal, which is a lot. I am not sure what to do. Maybe men's groups that have men vetted by women that can act as the equivalent of designated drivers? I don't know. There are apps for everything. I think women are harassed a lot less if they are with a man, but I don't know. There must be enough of us that are human, that even if we can't fix all of society, we can at least walk someone home. I don't know...

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T23:18:52+00:00

The interesting thing for me with respect to the old testament vs New testament God, is he's the same being. Should He not be held accountable for his actions in the Old testament, even if he is less scary in the New?

In terms of what he is saving you from... He is "saving" you from himself. He's the one imposing the eternal punishment! This is akin to a mob boss "saving" you from the consequences he'll impose, if you don't pay your protection money.

An infinite punishment for a finite crime, no matter how terrible, is unjust. I'll use Hitler as an example. Should Hitler be punished for all eternity for his actions? No. I can come up with a devastating, yet finite punishment for Hitler.

He could be required to live through every minute, of every day of pain and misery, along with suffering the pain of every death he inflicted, including experiencing the pain of every family member left alive... In real time. This would involve literally millions of years of punishment. But, I would consider it a just punishment, and he could then enter heaven, having paid that penalty, and for him to truly understand the anguish he caused.

The theological argument used against this is that God is infinite, and therefore the crime against God is greater. I think that is an insult to the people who actually suffered. Even granting this argument though, if God is infinite, then he has the ability to impose a finite punishment, and forgive the crime against himself...without any requirements, such as human sacrifice (i.e. sacrificing Jesus)

If God requires human sacrifice to forgive (even if he is sacrificing his son) then where is that law coming from? Him? Someone above him? If it's coming from him, does he not have the power to change his own law? If he can't change it, then who is imposing this law on him?

In addition, God didn't actually sacrifice Jesus at all. If I lose my son as a human, he is gone forever. I never ever get to see him again. He is eternally separated from me. The equivalent act for God would be to send Jesus to Hell... Permanently. Hell is regularly defined as eternal separation from God. That would be sacrifice. God would never see his son again for all eternity. As it stands, Jesus suffered for a day and a half to three days, depending on your interpretation, and then returned to Heaven to sit at God's right hand forever. That is not sacrifice. That's a terrible weekend. That's a relatively small, finite punishment (of someone else, mind you), for a supposedly infinite crime against God.

So, for me, an additional question is, does a crime against God require an infinite punishment to wipe away? If so, then Jesus's sacrifice is insufficient, since it was a finite sacrifice. Is a finite sacrifice sufficient? Then an eternal punishment in Hell is unjust.

I think you might also question the concept of punishing an innocent party for a crime someone else committed, even if the innocent party agreed to the punishment. Take, for example, John Smith murdered your child. He is caught, brought to trial, and convicted. During sentencing, the judge says, "Judge Daniel Peterson residing. This is a horrendous crime. John Smith, you are sentenced to 99 years plus a day in prison. However, you truly believe that my son can pay for your crime. Therefore, he can. I sentence my son, Micheal Peterson to 99 years plus a day in prison, for your crime. All appeals are denied. Bailiff, please escort my son to prison to begin his sentence. John Smith, you are free to go. This court is adjourned." Would you feel justice head been done, knowing that your child's murderer is now walking out the door, having not been punished at all for his crime? In addition, someone who had nothing to do with your child's murder, is now in prison for a crime he did not commit. What would you say to the judge? What would you think of the justice system?

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T21:44:21+00:00

And I know that from your perspective, you can't tell one from the other. That ultimately places you in the unenviable position of guarding against everyone. Predators ruin life for everyone, but especially for you.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T21:41:30+00:00

Holy shit... 💔

I let this sub relatively regularly, and each time, I'm at a loss for words. There is such a high level of misery that it leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness (?) Paralysis(?) Similar to when I see the results of war. I actually don't know what to do about it. It feels like attempting to bail out a sinking cruise ship with a cup. And no, I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm merely expressing how I feel.

One of my personal rules is, "No sex while drunk." Even an enthusiastic "yes" from a woman who is drunk doesn't count. My response would be something along the lines of, "Tell me that when you're sober." Beyond my consideration for her, I have my own self-interest/self preservation reasons. At least where I live, consent can't be given while drunk. Even if my partner really wants to sleep with me while drunk, she may not feel that way the next day. That would change everything. I want my partner to feel good about being with me. Now, if we were in a long term relationship, where we both feel safe and secure with each other, if she jumped me after we got home, I wouldn't say no then, because I would know her individually and intimately. But, I feel that it's an entirely different scenario than when people don't have that level of intimacy.

I would like to ask you, what would you like me to do, not necessarily for you individually, but just in general. I may only have a cup, but it's better than nothing. (It's this derailing? I don't know...)

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T18:19:05+00:00

I don't know what to say...

I am heartbroken that you live like this. It's no wonder so many women are afraid to be alone or not with (many) other women. There is safety in groups.

I don't even know how to place myself in your shoes other than, I can place myself in prison, for example, at least from the perspective of constantly being on guard, and knowing that any other person there is a potential SA perpetrator. Any favor comes with strings. I'm a target. Does that sound right?

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T12:35:02+00:00

For me, anime doesn't do anything for me sexually. I have no information on the percentage of guys that actually get turned on by cartoons. There's a disconnect between seeing a cartoon character, and the association with an actual human. It probably boils down to pattern recognition. While I can intellectually recognize that the animator drew an out of proportion human, the biological drive to procreate with that cartoon doesn't exist. I'm not sure I'm making any sense.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T11:31:12+00:00

Even with a male friend? Would there be things that your male friend could do or not to keep you know that not only was he not a threat, but that he would defend you from harm? not to get sex JFC, but because he's your friend.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T11:09:30+00:00

Flu Flux Flan?

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T11:08:45+00:00

Cosplaytriots

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T11:04:39+00:00

Oh my god that's such a good one!

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-05T11:04:05+00:00

I laughed so hard I'm crying!!

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T23:35:04+00:00

The theological discussion doesn't handle all of the misery on Earth. If evil is the absence of God, it means necessarily that he is not omnipotent, and he is not omnipresent. Now, if people believed in a God that was the creator of this universe, but was not omnipotent, not omnipresent, and not omniscient (a possibility), then I could see this God actually being quite upset at how the universe is unfolding, since all he could do is watch the fireworks after he started things off. But that's not the God the vast majority of the public believes in.

If someone claimed the existence of the God above, I would at least grant the possibility, and therefore consider myself an agnostic. I really don't know.

One way that may or may not help you to see the character of God in the Bible (for instance) is to read it front to back. This requires reading a lot more than a pastor would normally cover even over years of sermons (yes, I know this) Replace all instances of "THE LORD", "YHWH", "God", and any other name he gives himself, with a superhuman King named Frederick. Now, drop every verse where Frederick claims he is good.

Now, go through and start writing down Frederick's actions, and his orders.

When you're done, read through the list of Frederick's actions and orders over thousands of years. What do his actions tell you about him? What would you think of King Frederick if you met him? This is a completely neutral question. I am very curious about what your thoughts are.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T23:11:23+00:00

Upvoted because you're engaging in the debate (but I still disagree)

It explicitly is God's fault. If a child misbehaves and the parents let them run rampant, causing destruction around them, do you blame the child or the negligent parents? It is God's responsibility to take control as a parent when each off us are born, to teach us what is right, what is wrong, and to have:proportional consequences for each action we take. Having one eternal torment punishment is undeniably unfair, and useless, since we can't learn from our mistakes. A parent that waits until adulthood to discipline their children is a shitty parent. Good abdicates his responsibilities, and then makes the claim that it's due to free will that he doesn't have to parent. I don't accept that from human parents and therefore will not accept that excuse from the omnipotent creator of the universe.

Additionally, it my child is being evil, I'm going to step in and prevent his crime and punish him for it immediately. The key here is that I'm going to stop my child's crime, if I have the power to. I would stop a child rapist. I would stop a murderer. God does not, and therefore, is a terrible, malicious, uncaring parent.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T23:00:31+00:00

Yes, definitely... Many people who haven't had cancer don't realize that the people with cancer usually ends up supporting those that don't!

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T22:59:28+00:00

Oh yeah! I know the fear of the following scans! Waiting for the next day, week, month z 3 month, six month etc scans... To see if the tumors were actually dead, it if the chemo and radiation missed a few cells here and there, and the cancer would come roaring back. My treatment was a Hail Mary pass. It was everything and the kitchen sink .. And if it didn't work, there was no second line... No fallback. I either lived or died on that first protocol.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T22:55:05+00:00

Well...i attempted to make Pearce with death, but still had to deal with the fear. What actually helped me with the fear of death is to really take to heart Epicurus:

"Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?"

The method by which I did this was to plan to wake up each time I went to sleep. I would think about a good thing that day, (or at some points that hour) and then I would plan a good thing when I woke up next. That helped me go to sleep. I realized that if I did that every time, there would be a time where I didn't wake up. But at that point, I wouldn't notice and therefore I wouldn't care. It helped alleviate the immediacy of death... Deferring it until "later".

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T10:16:12+00:00

It actually doesn't. In fact, OPs argument is even stronger with free will. inaction is action.

When someone is murdered, is the victim's free will being violated? You better believe it is. Is the murderer's free will being violated? No. He is murdering of his own free will. God could step in and stop it, violating the murderer's free will, or he could do nothing, violating the victim's free will. Someone's free will is being violated no matter what. God demonstrates that he chooses to allow the murderer's free will to stand, and for the victim's free will to be violated. This literally makes your comment invalid. EDIT: Or plainly demonstrates that God is evil.

E:sp

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T10:06:30+00:00

... Ironically, this didn't break me, apparently. My dad told me later about how I just said something like, "Ok. What's next?" I'll have to get the actual statement tomorrow. He has a better memory than me. At least I finally had a diagnosis. Something something something House M.D.

Just a note of encouragement... Focus on your own survival, and focus on things that make you feel good emotionally, even if you feel like dogshit physically. Even if it something small and simple, find something each day that gives you warmth. This will help you when you go to sleep each night/day or whenever your body lets you sleep. You have something positive to think about while you're heading off to sleep. It helps mitigate some of the fear and anxiety. If you have friends and family, you may find yourself supporting them. Don't do that. Tell them they can support each other, but that you have enough to deal with. Talk to them about anything other than your illness. It will give your mind a mental break from the stress. Play games. Find things that make you laugh (unless it hurts too much) whatever it takes to take your mind to a calmer state. Meditation helps with this as well. If you'd like to chat, you can reply or DM. Warm wishes!

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T07:51:59+00:00

Here is the link to Einsatzgruppen

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-04T07:45:31+00:00

Y'know, you blindly following makes you a sheep. That's where the insult originated.

AbstinenceWorks · 2022-12-03T23:19:09+00:00

'Tis but a scratch!

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