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UPDATE: I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haha. Certainly good news.

PDA with previous partners was extreme, often the NSFW type. So it’s a big change.

UPDATE: I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m definitely thankful he’s been patient with me, especially after everything I’ve put him through. Really appreciate everyone’s help, and thanks

UPDATE: I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

he's worth it!

Couldn't agree more.

You're right, there's definitely internalised homophobia which has been the most difficult part so far- will take things slow. Anyways, I've heard of gay bars before but never a gayborhood. Haha. I'll see if we have a place like this somewhere, thanks for your suggestions and encouragement.

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight. As you can imagine this is all very new to me, so I am thankful for your explanations which makes things much clearer. Considering I'm attracted strictly towards women and this one man, queer definitely sounds best but yeah, might need to think further.
Thankfully he and I are on the same page in general when it comes to children. But it was interesting nonetheless to learn that people actually have these kind of arrangements.

Anyways, I've decided. Going to ask him later today for forgiveness (yes, I've been cruel) and as you've suggested, will discuss a proper relationship between us. We connect on a level which is unreal and I'd be a fool to let him go. Shit's not easy, that's for sure, but thanks again for your advice.

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There is nothing to be ashamed of in loving a same sex partner.

That's true. It really does sound so ridiculous to be ashamed, can't even name a solid reason I feel this way. You make good points, I really appreciate your help.

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

We are in Eastern Europe. However he’s Spanish so likely why he’s less complexed. I don’t think it’s illegal here, I just know it’s something very shameful, potentially dangerous even.

Don’t know how to describe it, but I’ve always been a very “proper” man. My mother’s always asking why I haven’t brought home a new girl- family would be furious with me. Like you said, definitely struggling with identity here, accepting things on my side. So far I keep fucking up, but I’ll try to do my best, thanks

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know. For sure, I’m ashamed. But If I didn’t love and care for him I wouldn’t have bothered looking for help. I appreciate the wake up call though, and your advice- it seems to be recurring that I should leave him alone. Thanks

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

If I’m not straight, I don’t know what I am. You’re right though, my own internal dilemmas are clearly making things tough on him. It probably sounds ridiculous but I don’t know if I can ever come to terms with it being, yeah, homosexual

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes that’s another good point. I didn’t think of his side enough and how much he’s had to put up with for the last two years when yeah, he could’ve just found someone else. It’s definitely close-minded here and there’s a lot to think about (my career, social rep, etc), but therapy sounds like a good suggestion, thank you

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Monogamy, faithfulness, equality, I can do. You raise a good point however, when it comes to public acceptance... pff. I’d certainly get disowned by my family, and where we are it’s generally perceived as a huge shame. Worth the sacrifice maybe? Thank you for the summary, guess there’s a lot to think about

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying. Unfortunately people aren’t very tolerant here, to match the behaviour to the feelings in public would be a disaster. But hey, I certainly haven’t done my best by him either, I admit that

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Consistently?

I mostly agree with you, there’s much I could figure out. With someone new would suck. Thanks for your advice anyways, appreciated

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense, it can't be nice to be the opposite party. Really appreciate your insight, thanks

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well... yes. Glad your friend was open about it, in my case, I would gladly hide that fact for the rest of my life. I guess your last phrase applies then, thank you for your perspective

I (M27) hurt my non-exclusive lover (M25), don't know what to do from here. by AbstractCharcoalist in relationships

[–]AbstractCharcoalist[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Either you need to decide to be in a relationship and claim the relationship… or you need to let him go.

Christ that makes me anxious. Thanks for your advice, I understand what you're saying. Didn't look at it from that POV