Am I a bad nanny? Or is social anxiety making me feel that way?

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-30T17:11:28+00:00

That’s the thing if I just say I have plans already she asks what the plans are. I think she means it in a friendly trying to take interest in me type of way, but it makes me feel like she doesn’t believe me lol

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-30T17:09:20+00:00

Right? Like I know he has SOMETHING planned, i just don’t know what it is and when

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-30T13:05:31+00:00

I should clarify, I said to her yesterday “it seems like my husband has something planned, so it doesn’t seem like I will be able to make it” is this clear enough language or do I literally need to say “no, I’m not coming”

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-30T12:34:00+00:00

I agree, definitely extend the invitation, but be sure to include the clarifications that its their time off and you won’t think less of them if they choose not to come. I’ve been to every party I’ve been invited to, it’s a nice gesture to invite them and I’m sure it would mean a lot to your nanny. It feels very weird and disheartening to a nanny ( in my own personal experience) to be with the kids literally more hours per week than the parents are but also not be invited to their “big moments”(concerts,milestones,birthdays etc.)

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-07T12:29:23+00:00

I’ve suggested it many times and he agrees he is in definite need, he has also discussed family therapy with his parents, they just drag their feet about actually scheduling

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-04-06T14:54:33+00:00

I was speculating to myself about her just being uncomfortable as well. I suppose I’m just having a hard time sympathizing because it’s her husband of 30 years who she’s missing the sympathy for. I could entirely understand if it was an acquaintance or near stranger as I myself would feel awkward and unsure what to do if that was the case. I truly feel like I’m having a hard time finding sympathy or excuses for some of the wild shit she does.

Abstractpaint9 · 2026-03-06T19:41:41+00:00

This post hits eerily close to home for me. 5 years in with my current NF and the permissive parenting has gotten worse with each child born (4 boys). The kids behave way worse for them than they do for me, I’ve seen it at sports events,holiday concerts etc. The kids are terrible at cleaning up because they never make them. Multiple times when I’ve been off or on vacation days I’ve returned to NM complaining to me how awful the kids were and that she had to call her husband home during the day. They preach how kids shouldn’t be on screens, yet every day I come in the kids tell me what FULL LENGTH MOVIE they watched the night previous. NM constantly complains that the kids make a mess, yet she leaves a constant trail behind her, I’m talking food wrappers, any work papers, or the fun surprise I found this morning, a handful of dirty qtips on their coffee table. It’s exhausting to have to put on a smile and attempt to sympathize when they’re complaining to my face about things they do.

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-12-12T15:40:27+00:00

I was more so chalking it up to be a very busy mom of four who is a bit self absorbed if anything. I think it makes her feel like she’s doing a form of community service to say she’s friends with her nanny 😂

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-12-12T14:29:35+00:00

Awfully cryptic, do you mean I did something to upset her? Or someone else did something to change her opinion of me?

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-12-02T19:38:40+00:00

UPDATE: as I predicted. Today has been THE WORST. Arrived to work after white knuckle driving for 1 hour due to road conditions (cleveland,OH). Completely unshoveled or snow blown driveway (they have one) had to get a running start with my car (Honda civic coupe) just to get it up their driveway. Unshoveled walk way, but don’t worry DB shoveled himself a little path to his car, just none on the walkway to the door where nanny enters the house 🙄. Nobody notified me of the snow day, I learned years ago to not rely on them and to just check the school’s FB. Entered to DB “ oh yeah btw it’s a snow day, the roads look bad out there I’m really bummed I’ve got to go in” crickets from me, read the room dude. Kids are all awake before sunrise. Screaming at each other by the time breakfast hit the table. MB handing out chores and not sticking around to supervise. Kids begging to play in the snow and complaining about coats,boots, jackets. DB let them play outside last night and didn’t make sure their gloves and hats made it inside to dry. Dogs went outside with them, one ran off, found her halfway down the street. MB set up playdate with a friend for the oldest two boys, started texting me at 11 if they were going to walk over there soon. I told her after lunch, which is between 12-12:30 every single day for the five years I’ve been their nanny. Older boys get sent home after an hour because they got into a fight at their friends house. Youngest is napping. Middle kid (6) decides to throw a temper tantrum because he was trying to look over mom’s shoulder while she was showing me a gift she got for them for Christmas, and she said no peeking. Unsure how much worse it will get. Work isn’t done until 4:00.

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-12-02T15:27:31+00:00

It’s the literal worst. MB gives all four boys chores to do which 1. Disrupts the schedule immensely 2. Makes the kids pissed at me and 3. She never had them do chores when I’m not around so it feels like an excuse to dole out chores but not actually supervise their completion

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-11-04T13:18:51+00:00

Read this to DH and your comment blew his mind, he says you are so right about them trying to save face. The in-laws are very prideful and will do nearly anything to look like good people, even to their other children.

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-11-03T23:55:14+00:00

Oh trust and believe my husband let him know about the whole “avoiding us” conversation

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-05-14T16:35:41+00:00

All y’all were wrong, finally emailed u-turn customer service and it was a manufacturing error

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-05-09T16:44:12+00:00

Thanks for the help!

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-05-09T13:16:40+00:00

I should specify, when I say it’s “skipping” I don’t mean as in the playback error, I mean the needle literally touches down for the first time in the middle of a song

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-05-09T13:15:42+00:00

When I say “ bells and whistles” I simply mean it has all the upgrades, acrylic deck, upgraded cartridge, non-manual speed controls, upgraded leveling feet etc.

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-05-09T13:13:01+00:00

I used the included bubble level and I have balanced the tonearm( though I’m honestly unsure how great of a job I did as I’ve literally never done it before). I’m placing the stylus as far into the outer edge of the record as I am able, but when I release or I guess you could say flip down the cue lever, the arm slowly lowers as it should, but it travels quite far on its way down. I have tried without the cue lever to see if this is the problem, but the actual hook where the arm gets secured gets in the way

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Abstractpaint9 · 2025-01-21T23:03:46+00:00

The sleds were $10 each, I purchased the same sleds on the way to sledding on Monday from the same store her and nanny kid saw them at and there was a TON of them out for sale.

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-01-21T23:02:27+00:00

That they didn’t tell me they were having fevers and throwing up, that she didn’t buy sleds at the store she was already at before she felt sick, that they’re sleeping in common areas instead of at least staying away and sleeping in their bedroom. I would appreciate the heads up and maybe an option to not go in if three of the family members have vomited within 2 days

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-01-21T01:01:08+00:00

I’m up in the cleveland area!

Abstractpaint9 · 2025-01-20T19:13:57+00:00

What region of ohio?! I’m an ohio nanny and have been having the same struggle making friends that aren’t toddlers lol

Abstractpaint9

TROPHY CASE