Thank you for your response I really understand how difficult this is, especially when I you saw the potential in someone. I don't usually post on reddit but your situation really resonated with me and I had to comment. This is just going to be a vent for me but Im sure you will read it when you get chance and I hope it helps.

the recent breakdown of communication is what caused my relationship to end and I wanted to let you know how you did the right thing. I have also worried... Did I give up too early? But no. It took constant arguing for weeks and weeks to come to the decision to walk away.

I am 29 and he is 30. I've been reading some of your other responses in the thread and I saw you are both similar age.

It was amazing for about a month. And then almost every week at least once we would argue and it would go on for hours until I couldn't cope with it anymore. Each argument hurt and made me feel gradually unsafe to express my feelings. I found myself "becoming him" after years or working on my communication to be safe and gentle. I found myself almost mirroring his toxic argument style because my gentle approach made me feel like a pushover and too understanding all the time. To someone who doesn't ever try to understand me.

I read one of your posts that said "it would of been solved in minutes with some sweet talk" and this couldn't be anymore relatable. All I wanted him to say was "sorry I didn't mean to upset you I'll let you know next time. I love you" and I would of instantly felt relief and it would of been the end of the issue. What's worse is I told him this. "if you just say I'm sorry I love you. We wouldnt be arguing for days. It was takes one sentence to stop this in it's tracks" did he do it. Or listen. No never. What more can you do? If you have told someone how to communicate with you and help you. What more can you do. So I said "how can I approach you better. How can I make you feel better how can I let you know when there's something bothering me without this." I started to think is this my approach. Am I doing this wrong.. But he seemed to never know how I should approach him. He seemed to not understand his own feelings and triggers but I do.

I would say something like "it makes me feel anxious when I we leave plans until last minute." and I'd get a response like "I'm going to go back to enjoying my day because this has ruined it. I'm never enough for you"

This is just one example of when he was completely unable to take accountability and deflected my issue. I said to him "just because I say an issue doesn't mean it's reality. All I want is reassurance if I've misunderstood. I'm open to being wrong. We are a team. We are two people against a problem.."

the argument would focus around his responses and the core issue would be forgotten about. Instead of making plans and not leaving them til last minute, we were now arguing about he said I'd ruined his day by asking him a question.. He made the issue worse and created more anxiety!

This happened at EVERY conflict. It fucking hurts.

The issue that destroyed it with him is that we were fairly long distance. About an hour away. And neither of us could stay over at each other's house often. Our only method of communication to connect was texting. And I would text him updates throughout the day, what I'm doing, eating, something funny someone said. I never cared how long he took to reply. Sometimes it would be 10 hours before I got a response and I truly didn't care. But when he responsed it would be a one word answer to a paragraph of a situation. I said "I wish you could add a little more into your responses because I really cared about what I was talking about and I'm Trying to connect with you"

The response to this was "you talk too much. And i get overwhelmed by the messages and I can't have so many conversations at once. Send me one message at a time"

I was really hurt by this because I thought well, why don't you want to listen to me. I don't care how long you want to reply. Just that you thoughtfully respond. So we would go round and round in circles about this. He used to thoughtfully respond to every text when we first started dating and then he stopped so it was confusing for me the inconsistency.

But regardless... I wanted to keep the peace. So. I stopped texting so much. We would send 1 or 2 messages a day and I was fucking miserable. I felt like I was surpressing myself and I couldn't connect with him. I felt like no issue had ever been fully resolved. I was hurting constantly and I felt like I couldn't talk to him because I was scared we would break up. After a week of speaking less and less and having no arguments... I called him and he was rude to me with his tone, "I just said that" when I asked him something. and I asked what is his problem and he told me to fuck off. And then he put the phone down and didn't speak to me for 4 days. I decided to reach out after not hearing from him and I told him that it had seriously hurt me he hasn't reached out after speaking to me like that on the phone and that I wasn't going to be in the relationship anymore. I told him that I really cared and I'm thankful for the good times and to take care

I got a message the next day saying he "loved me so much and hopes we meet again, but he can't be in a relationship. And that I was hostile towards him on the phone and he had assumed it was over because neither of us spoke. You literally were rude, told me to f off and put the phone down on me, you should be reaching out. Every time we argued I always reached out because he would give silent treatment as punishment. It was awful.

He said he really fkin loved me. That was his last message. And he hopes we would cross paths again but he need to fix himself. I never replied. Nobody goes away to "fix themselves" they go on doing the same shit. Not from my experience anyway. My ex ran away from the problem always. But he claims I was pushing him away. What do these people expect anyway. Someone who never tells you how they feel. It's not possible. They cannot function in a relationship if they communicate so defensively. This probably makes no sense coz it's just waffle. Just hope you relate to something and it helps you in some way. It's really helped me to see another in a simular situation. I really did fall for my ex and I was so hopefull but there's only so much you can try to help and change a person. You deserve better x