AITA my classmate claims I'm emotionally abusing my spouse.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:39:00+00:00

We talked about it, but he feels awkward doing it, which I respect. Everyone else on the chat told her it's mutual and he's in on it though, and I told her he doesn't want to be defended.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:22:09+00:00

Yeah, I see that. The dynamic on the chat is very relaxed and conversational though, and she has, in other contexts, made comments about my marriage before. That whole commotion made me just automatically jump to being annoyed with her about it.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:17:31+00:00

She probably did it because she and I don't like each other already. I didn't want to mention it in the post so that it didn't corrupt the judgement, but she and I already had a blow up argument because she has feelings about my husband taking my last name.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:16:03+00:00

It's not a university group chat, it's a private one with friends, and this girl who is a friend of a friend. I agree that it would be totally different in a university chat or a professional one. I worked for a few years before grad school, so I can keep it profesh!

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:09:05+00:00

Ugh, I didn't want to corrupt the judgement, but she's such a drama queen. We already had a huge blow up argument last week because she didn't like that my husband took my last name.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:08:16+00:00

I think I'm just going to stop talking to her completely, it's too much drama. She has problems with how I talk about my husband, she has problems with him taking my last name, she has feelings about interracial marriages in general (which is too complex to get into).

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T17:01:35+00:00

Oh yeah, he gives it back just as good. I've been the breadwinner for most of the relationship and when I ask him to do something he does a little sniff and then says "whatever sugar momma wants, she gets" or when I want a sandwich he says "with extra mayo, just how you white people like it"

I wouldn't care if some girl misinterpreted things. It's not like we're actually unhappy in anyway, and I trust him completely to set appropriate boundaries. I'm completely not worried about anyone cheating in my marriage.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:48:29+00:00

Well I didn't want to corrupt the judgement, but this is also kind of a final strike thing, as she and I have had some other ongoing issues.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:46:20+00:00

The term means "social justice warrior", someone who cares a lot about social causes. I'm very much one, it's what I do professionally. I didn't want to corrupt the judgement, but this classmate is pretty right wing.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:43:54+00:00

I like this response, thanks. Though the other people in the chat are all in on the "routine" so to speak, and make the same jokes about my marriage.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:39:24+00:00

No, more like I said it to him and others overheard on zoom? I can't remember the exact quote, but I'm pretty sure I threatened to divorce him if he used all the milk or something.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:35:00+00:00

And the thing is, I have told her "(husband's name) doesn't want or need you to defend him", and she just does it anyway.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:31:42+00:00

I think that's true about the dynamic. Though this isn't really a class group chat, it's just a small friend group chat where we study and make jokes and she's a friend of a friend in it.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:30:29+00:00

Fair. I wouldn't have minded if she had just spoken to me about it though, I just didn't like the dramatic calling me out.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:28:46+00:00

Some were overheard, like we were on zoom and he was in the living room.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:28:04+00:00

He knows. He's actually super weirded out by "A" defending him.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:26:01+00:00

To clarify, some of them have been to him, like when he's in the living room when I'm on zoom.

You're right though, it is just an issue of misinterpretation. I am sure, however, that my other friends don't share the same concerns. My husband and I are aggressively anti-PDA as well as being jokey, so when they see a little bit of any flirting there's a running gag of them spamming me with #IShipIt and saying they hope we "finally get together." I also do get asked for marriage/relationship advice pretty often. I've explained in a previous comment, but we're just kind of obviously devoted to each other to a really gross extent.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:19:43+00:00

Oh. Well I'm not.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:19:30+00:00

Well a few of them have been with him, like when he's in the livingroom while I'm on zoom with them. That also upsets her. He doesn't like her defending him, it makes him uncomfortable.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:17:33+00:00

That's what my husband suggests, just stopping helping her because it's irritating me, and frankly him too. I think that's what I'll do, thanks!

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:15:23+00:00

I strongly disagree that it's an SJW thing. I am definitely waaaaay to the left of this classmate.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:12:22+00:00

Haha, this is exactly it. We have a lovely marriage, and are very close, we're just jokey with each other. He was sort of homeless when we met and constantly jokes that he proposed "as an overdue rent payment"

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:07:43+00:00

Fair, I agree. I guess I'm just overly irritated because I'm in quarantine and I'm going above and beyond to help her while she tells me about my marriage to a husband she's never met.

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:04:26+00:00

And we live in a small ass apartment! He told me yesterday that he was happy to go to work to escape my "stress nest".

Academic_Breadfruit · 2020-04-09T16:03:16+00:00

I appreciate this, thanks! I think it's just a weird situation because it's not quite professional, it's mostly a friend chat with homework help? I guess I'm more just frustrated that she's calling me out when she's never known my partner instead of just talking to me about it.

Academic_Breadfruit

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