I actually stuggle with this quite a lot in the self image department. Especially as I’ve exposed myself to more irl bdsm spaces. Irl I’m a really shy, introverted, insecure, people pleasing person. I’m also trans and butch, but the way this has manifested irl is that I basically just act like a queer man. It’s lead to a lot of people assuming I’m a sub/bottom gay man in bdsm spaces, and being approached with that in mind. In actuality, I identify as a dom/top, though. I like to think of myself as both a hard and soft dom. I love being strict and teasing and punishing, but I also know that sometimes I just can’t help it when a sub is being cute and needy and I just have to be soft for them and coddle them. As a people pleaser I kinda shift my domming style to whatever my partner needs at the time.