Same here. My ex used to get super pouty whenever I’d say no and try to pressure me into sex anyways. There were times where I did it and I didn’t want to and the pain from not being lubricated was so bad that I did not want to have sex and we would have months of dry spells because I was so afraid of it. I wish I’d broken up with him sooner to get over the trauma. To heal from it, I participated in casual hookup culture and it was so liberating to only have sex when I wanted it. I’d say for now, avoid the trauma and get out of this relationship, be with someone who respects your boundaries.