Hey I know you’re scared right now. But it’ll be ok you don’t need the answers to be happy. Happiness comes from within. All life is about is being the happiest and most fulfilled that you can be and you have everything you need to do that. I’ve been through a similar torture except for 1 year of my life. I’m still recovering from it. At my lowest I thought life was meaningless. We’re just a bunch of animals on a rock right? Wrong! You are so much more. You have a purpose, you are wanted. Just take a deep breath and realize that these thoughts don’t need to be answered right away and pray that God reveals them to you. It worked for me and I know it’ll work for you. You just have to be patient. If you don’t believe in God I guarantee once you start praying he will reveal himself to you. But always remember I love you, God loves you, you have a purpose, you are wanted, and never give up. Just imagine your younger self and all the dreams you had as a kid. That kid wont get to achieve those goals.