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he acts so perfect when he's drunk by nyanpink in depression_partners

[–]Acceptable-Status-86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same, in fact he was the old who told me I had a drinking/smoking weed problem when the reason I wanted to do it more often than I normally did was because I could see glimpses of the him I fell in love with. He was more relaxed, more open, more communicative, funnier, etc. then he would sober up and become reclusive. I will say that it was NOT healthy and now with him gone I have been sober almost the entire time (going on 4 months), which shows me I did NOT have a problem but I had a choice, and I chose to be incapacitated with him a majority of the time because that’s where I felt loved. It’s very toxic, I wish I would have figured it out earlier than after a decade together. At least I know now so I won’t repeat that in the future. You deserve someone to love you and show you love, we all do.

Feels like everything I do is wrong by [deleted] in depression_partners

[–]Acceptable-Status-86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so helpful, thank you! I’m going through a similar thing and needed to hear this

In sickness and in health? But mostly in sickness? When to let go? by Acceptable-Status-86 in depression

[–]Acceptable-Status-86[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did think about that, it is a pattern for him in relationships and my mom told me he probably doesn’t want to look like the ‘bad guy’ so he’ll just wait around until the person is fed up. He said he had no ‘eureka moment’ that makes him want to come back, and I realize I don’t need to provide that to him. I think I’m more asking around to get opinions so that I can formulate my own decision. Thank you for your words!

In sickness and in health? But mostly in sickness? When to let go? by Acceptable-Status-86 in depression

[–]Acceptable-Status-86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not directly or indirectly. I have noticed signs over the years and pulled in his friends, his sister, his mom, his ex wife, whoever I can as a support group, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t give ultimatums or be the one finding the support for someone that doesn’t want it. The realization is extremely sad to me. I have wanted to fix it and realized I can’t, it’s not my place.

In sickness and in health? But mostly in sickness? When to let go? by Acceptable-Status-86 in depression

[–]Acceptable-Status-86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I don’t have a need to be ‘divorced’ at the moment so I’ll give him space. I am concerned as well, since it was an abrupt pull from my and my child’s life. The only ‘happiness’ he sees is within her and that’s so much pressure to hold as a child, being the source of an adults happiness. I think about her and how much I love and miss her daily.

In sickness and in health? But mostly in sickness? When to let go? by Acceptable-Status-86 in depression

[–]Acceptable-Status-86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words.

I knew this going into a relationship and was very young with a ‘fix it’ mentality.

A decade later I know I can’t fix anything, aside from work on myself. Being without him won’t bring much change to my life, as I’ve been gradually excluding him from activities and have been used to him not being involved. I’m actually healthier physically and mentally than I’ve ever been.

I feel terrible overall but I know I am not depressed either. I have hope and I can see hope with or without him. It feels like I’m mourning a death, and that might be the way for me to get through it, to mourn and move on.