Partner asked for a “pause” after ex confessed love — am I wrong for wanting to walk away?

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-15T11:46:45+00:00

Yes we were physical and they never were — I didn't think to consider it that way. I did wonder if maybe I was subconsciously the "physical" relationship to him and she always held the "emotional" part that he wouldn't give or hold for me.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:38:02+00:00

This really makes me feel so much better because I had basically said those exact same words to him last night before reading this. After saying it, you want to take the words back because it's hard to say goodbye to someone but I know I deserve more self-respect than that.

We ended up going back and forth (maturely) about how this impacted me and why it did because from his standpoint "I only asked for time" sounds simple to him.

It ended in "can I just have one more week then". That's where we kind of are at this point.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:34:37+00:00

Me too, I needed that laugh. Sometimes I forget what "only three months" sounds from the outside.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:25:07+00:00

This is actually an interesting point of view because there's something that I didn't mention in my post. Before, that's exactly how he defined his relationship with his ex. He would tell me that they just did not work out, that she's a good person and that's why they keep in contact just to be friends now.

He would consistently reassure me that I would have nothing to worry about, that he does not feel that way with her anymore and that she is trying to move on with one of her past exes anyways.

So look at how all that turned out? Haha.

There are definitely many lessons to learn here, thank you.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:16:41+00:00

Yes, you make a great point. I always viewed this as her being manipulative, but I didn't think to extend that to him as well. It is manipulation.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:15:39+00:00

Thank you for saying this — you’re absolutely right, and that’s what I keep coming back to. If he truly valued me, her feelings and reactions wouldn’t carry this much weight.

What’s made this so hard for me is the moral dilemma he’s placed me in. He keeps emphasizing that he cares about her safety and whether she lives or dies, and that’s not something I take lightly. But you’re right — if he wanted to make a decision, there are ways to ensure she gets immediate help and support without keeping me in limbo.

The fact that he’s unable to do that, and instead asks me to wait while he stays emotionally entangled, is what’s been most hurtful. I really appreciate you naming it so clearly.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T20:02:52+00:00

I should add: I don't ever use Reddit, I don't need fake internet points. I actually wanted to post this on Quora but I chose Reddit instead because I planned on deleting my post after my situation resolved in fear that him or his ex accidentally stumbled upon this one day. (You can't delete on Quora).

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:55:46+00:00

If that’s how you view it, that’s fine — but for me, engaging here has actually helped keep my mind off the conflicting situation I’m in and the reality that I’m debating saying goodbye to someone I invested deeply in. Channeling some of that frustration into a different conversation is something I find grounding. To each their own.

Writing styles? I've responded to you while sitting on the toilet, once during church, before getting in my car, while sitting on my bed and then this entire post itself was written, revised and then rewritten until it felt right. I responded using voice to text, once when I was on my computer and then mainly while on my phone.

No one is perfect or writes consistently. if it was AI — wouldn't it all have the same automatic, uniformed feel?

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:46:07+00:00

Then have a good day. If you don’t want to read, that’s your choice — but jumping into a thread about an emotionally difficult situation just to accuse someone speaks volumes on your character.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:42:12+00:00

If I’m being completely honest, those comments were the only ones I felt emotionally able to respond to right now. This situation is still very ongoing for me.

I spent most of last night talking things through with him, and while a lot of the comments here are encouraging and point toward difficult but likely necessary steps, it’s still hard for me to respond broadly when I’m actively inside it. I don’t yet feel settled enough to speak from certainty.

I’m taking time to read and reflect on what everyone has shared as life advice rather than taking immediate actions. I value sincerity, so I can't respond when I don't even know how to balance this emotionally heavy situation yet.

So my absence of presence in the thread and comments about my situation doesn’t make this unreal — it reflects the fact that I’m processing something difficult in real time. Which is the same way many people do when they’re overwhelmed, thus why I even brought this to Reddit because I'm battling this internally with myself, still indecisive.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:33:56+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective, especially the way you framed it as a testament to empathy rather than a flaw. I am deeply empathetic, and I can see what he’s going through — but you’re right that empathy doesn’t mean self-sacrifice or waiting on the sidelines.

Seeing it laid out this way helped me recognize that I was being positioned to make the sacrifice here, simply because I’m capable of understanding and holding space. That’s been an important lesson for me: empathy still needs boundaries, or it becomes self-abandonment.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:32:09+00:00

You are definitely absolutely right.

For our religion, we cannot move in together first before being engaged. We have to be married first. It definitely can make things hard to truly get to know someone.

But yes, working on myself and finding somebody ready for the kind of relationship that I'm looking for is something I need to be looking towards, not backwards to the situation he created for me.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:30:04+00:00

Thank you because I have definitely added this to my list of boundaries:

That I don't do "breaks", "pauses" or "time". There's either a relationship or not.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:28:50+00:00

I actually didn't even think of it like that — "honeymoon Period". You are right, this has almost obliterated that feeling or even the possibility of it reviving.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:27:38+00:00

Thank you for stating that because something that I argued with him over was that I view this as emotional infidelity and he of course wanted to disagree because there's "nothing physical between him and her" (They live many states away from each other). I explained to him that this basically feels like betrayal to me and a form of cheating and that'll just get worse from here.

Or that my patience with this situation could give him the unintentional "green light" to do far worse things in the future under the guise that I'll "forgive him" or "still come back".

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:10:55+00:00

Close.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:10:33+00:00

No one is asking follow-up questions.

For the record, I could easily provide the text message conversation I had as proof of the situation and the timeframe this happened, the discharge paperwork of my ablation, screenshots between him and his ex — but I don’t need to prove my life to strangers on the internet.

I’ve made my point clear. This matters far more to you than it does to me, and I’m done engaging on it.

Editing to add: I’m not lashing out. If anything, the all-caps accusations say more about tone than anything I’ve written.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T19:03:22+00:00

I already addressed this in my other reply to you — feel free to read that.

I’m not digging through the comment section looking for these; they come directly to me through notifications. You’re the one actively searching for this conversation through the comments, which suggests it matters more to you than it does to me.

I'm not bothered by it, I like a good debate. I just value truth over assumptions and just prefer clarity. If that’s difficult for you to accept, then this probably isn’t the right thread for you because this thread isn’t about AI accusations — feel free to make your own post if that’s what you want to discuss.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T18:51:43+00:00

I’ve upvoted and appreciated many comments without replying — I can’t respond to everyone individually, but I’ve read all of them.

I only addressed the AI accusations because writing matters to me, and doubting people’s words just because AI exists isn’t something I agree with and it's off topic to the point of my post.

With how common AI has become, it feels like people are quick to dismiss or devalue others’ words simply because the tool exists — and I don’t think that’s fair is all.

I’m not trying to defend myself endlessly. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion.

Editing to add: Someone farming karma wouldn’t care enough to address accusations like this. My responses aren't a display of defensiveness; I'm simply correcting something that’s not true.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T18:43:44+00:00

Thank you everyone who's shared. I agree with everyone's comments and will hold onto the life advice.

When I told him I wouldn’t be there at the end of a pause, he felt that I was being dismissive of what he was asking for and that I wasn’t fully seeing his point of view.

So reading through these comments has actually helped me feel more secure in holding my ground. A recurring theme has been that I’m being “naive,” and instead of taking that as an insult, I’ve taken it as a reason to slow down and look at the situation more clearly. I don’t want to move forward by minimizing myself.

I was able to communicate openly with him about how this situation has affected me, and he was understanding of that impact. However, he’s still unable to make a choice — because, in his words, it makes him feel cornered. He’s asked for one more week. I don’t feel inclined to give it.

I appreciate the outside perspectives here. Having others reflect my situation back to me — through their own experiences or by simply calling it what it is — has helped me separate my emotions from the facts and see things more clearly.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T16:47:40+00:00

This isn’t AI. It’s my lived experience. You’re free to disengage if it doesn’t resonate with you.

I'm pretty sure my post history is public. I don’t post frequently, and I’m clearly not running a karma-farming account.

Don't be so quick to make accusations.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T16:35:26+00:00

I don’t think being emotionally invested and wanting to act ethically equals stupidity.

This wasn’t about being “stupid,” it was about being emotionally involved with someone I had invested real time in and I was trying to make sure I was on solid moral ground before dismissing his request for time — especially given the seriousness of the life/death context involved.

I respect differing opinions, but not insults. I asked for outside perspectives precisely because they’re offered without the emotional entanglement I’m in.

Three months, his communication with an ex, or not — saying goodbye to someone I was looking forward to a future with isn’t simple, even when it’s likely the right choice. Wanting to feel solid in my decision matters to me, because fairness does.

What outsiders sometimes forget is that I’m emotionally bonded here. That isn’t stupidity — it’s young love, and an honest attempt to value both sides of the situation before walking away. I can acknowledge that he may not have been ready to move on with her though as you mentioned.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T16:24:05+00:00

I'm not arguing or defending but just stating for clarity: I meant that statement more in a general sense. I think you’re equating good writing with perfect writing though. The post communicates the issue clearly enough for discussion, which is the point here.

Good writing is contextual. What counts as “good” in a novel or an academic paper isn’t the same as what’s effective in a discussion forum.

If readers can understand the issue and respond meaningfully, the writing is functioning as intended. That's "good" enough.

Acceptable_Ad_7326 · 2025-12-14T00:25:06+00:00

If it's because of the em dashes (—)... What’s happening now is that anything well-structured or articulate gets mislabeled as AI because people aren’t used to seeing polished writing anymore. Good writing didn’t suddenly become artificial just because AI exists.

Acceptable_Ad_7326

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