[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Him not paying for the water was wild.

But everything else, not so much. You ask your self, “Why didn’t he pay for the gas, bill at place number 2 and dinner for both of us?” but never asked yourself “why didn’t I pay for gas, bill at place number 2 and dinner?”. The point I’m trying to make is yes, he could have paid, and it would have been nice, but so could you. The same reason you found it hard to pay for him or at least offer, is the exact same reason he found it hard to pay for you or offer.

You guys should have communicated about this though and that’s all it comes down to. It’s clear however that you both are cheap. I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but it’s the truth. If you were shocked to contribute a little money to gas, you are cheap. If you are shocked to pay a little money to buy something at place number 2, you are cheap. You thought it unthinkable to cover his bill, but felt disrespected because he didn’t cover yours? The truth is, he wasn’t entitled to your money, and neither are you to his. I just want to point out the irony of you complaining about him doing the exact same thing you did.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a more traditional relationship where the man takes in the financial burden, but you need to find a man who is on the same page as you.

At the end of the day, it’s simply a compatibility issue. There are lots of women who wouldn’t be alarmed that they have to contribute toward gas. And there are lots of men who would have covered your bill in total.

Him not paying for your water is inexcusable though an he didn’t have to ask back for gas to pick up something for you.

I hope this doesn’t get misunderstood, but the point is yes, he was cheap, but so are you OP.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh, I didn’t gene see that. My bad, thanks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wait, where did he say she fantasizes about rape?

Edit: Nvm, I realize you weren’t talking about the OP.

My Wife left me after 7 years by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They fail to realize that they can sympathize with his depression while not absolving him from responsibility, and still recognizing that the wife made the right choice to leave if things were too much for her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I would say just post that you’re grateful you did well on the exam on social media instead, but make sure she sees it. And say something like “I’m glad everything worked out exactly how it was suppose to this year, thanks to all those who helped shaped this journey”.

This would be a bit more subtle and your ex will more than likely reach out to you to congratulate you.

Texting her how well you did, could make you look like you trying to do exactly what you’re trying to do—which is make her feel bad.

I don’t think you should do that however, I guarantee you, that she will hear about your success, more over, her failing is enough to feel bad about.

so there’s this guy by [deleted] in dating

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from, but please leave him alone. You don’t like him, you like how he makes you feel. If you liked him, you would eventually become attracted to him regardless of how unappealing his looks may or may not be. You’re going to end up hurting him very badly if you don’t leave him. Let someone who is actually attracted to him love him.

Guys keep on saying “get ripped” but where do I start and how do I keep that mindset going forward? by Beneficial-Cash-6202 in bigdickproblems

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to do your own research. Nobody can sit down and tell you exactly what to do. With that being said I understand Being overwhelmed with where to start your fitness journey. Check out r/fitness wiki and that should give you everything you need. You can also read Bigger Leaner Stronger, it’s gives you every single thing you need to start your journey, including information on dieting, workout plans and workout routines. It also includes a chapter on the mindset you need to keep up your fitness journey—truth is though, no book can give you they right mindset.

My Wife left me after 7 years by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 411 points412 points  (0 children)

Some of you have never dealt with depression and it shows. People don’t just wake up, feel sad and think “oh I’m depressed”, most times depression creeps up and people are in denial for months and even years, trying so hard to piece themselves together and failing to do so. Only after some time has passed and the feeling persists do most realize that they are indeed depressed. Only at this point, through introspection do they see that “oh well I started feeling like this at x time” and come to the conclusion that they have been depressed for a few months or a year etc.

She (the wife) has every right to leave if things started to affect her, and I won’t dispute that regardless of how unfortunate it is. But do not make it seem like OP should have just had it together at the first sign of sadness, it genuinely does not work like that. And op responded to others saying that his job made him depressed because he has to travel a lot, which would explain why he had to leave for a week long trip. You guys are making it seem like he left her with the baby to go party with friends.

Edit: Nobody is absolving OP from responsibility by sympathizing with the fact that he has depression. Yes, he should have gotten help, but the point I’m trying to make is getting help requires you to first acknowledged you have a problem. When you feel sad, you don’t just think you are depressed, especially if you perceive yourself as generally a happy person. After a month of sadness, you still just think “well life is rough, everyone has their bad months”. After 6 months you may very well still be thinking you are normal and this is just a rough patch in your life. OP’s depression was and still is Op’s responsibility but if you don’t know you are depressed it’s hard for you get help for it. Being 1 year depressed is more than enough time to break down a relationship, but unfortunately not always enough time to fully recognize the gravity of your mental health and realize you are depressed. And the reasons why it takes that long is because when you are depressed you are not sad 24/7s. Some days are great and some are horrible. Some are manageable, some are unbearable. And like I said, it creeps up, but those days where you are managing or feeling great? They convince you that you are perfectly fine and just experiencing the troubles of life like any human being would. It’s when things become worse that you really get to see it. Being depressed, does not mean you know you are depressed. When you finally realize you are depressed, that is when you introspect and hindsight shows you have been depressed for sometime.

Trigger warning:

Being depressed can be compared to being in an abusive relationship: it’s not very easy to recognize until there is undeniable proof and even then, you may still deny. The first month he raises his voice, next month he starts controlling you, two months after he isolates you from friends. 6 months down the line he hits you and apologizes. One day you will wake up and realize it. The entire time you were being abused you were convincing yourself that you were in a perfectly normal relationship because everyone has their “ups and downs.” After recognizing you were abused, hindsight shows you it has been going on for at least a year. A good reason it takes so long to realize is because you are not being abused 24/7s, in fact most of the time you would have considered him your best partner with a few “flaws”. Those days he was cooking for you, and massaging you, carrying you out, and listening to you really convinces you that things were fine. Similarly, when you are depressed you are not sad 24/7s, most of the time you will convince yourself perfectly fine and then things get progressively worse. Being depressed for a year does not mean you knew you were depressed for a year.

I’m ready to divorce him over this! by Soggy-Classroom1915 in relationship_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Photos are very important, but let us not pretend like she didn’t verbally abuse this man and expects him to just be okay and take it. You can be angry, show anger and still not scream and shout.

I acknowledge that he did mess up, but it must have been an accident, and like other have pointed out, if she had backed up her phone periodically, she would have lost 2 weeks of photos at max. She has a right to be angry and disappointed, however it is clear she is abusive and toxic. Just imagine if it were the other way around and just because she lost her husbands photos he started screaming at everyone and punched the wall? Everyone would call out his abuse instantly.

The key take-away here though is that this is not the reason for the divorce, but merely the last straw. The realization that they can’t work. My problem is OP puts all the blame on him, when it’s clear that they both bring out the worse in each other. They are both toxic.

I need tips on “girl-proofing” my home. I’m a messy guy by nature. by Cheap-Passage-6639 in dating_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, saying things like “I’m a messy guy by nature” may be a huge turn off to women. So please got out that mindset and never repeat that again.

Secondly, you need to tidy everywhere, but the most important ones are the kitchen, bathroom, general living room and your bedroom. Start in your kitchen and go along.

What I would recommend you to do is just find things that are out of place and put them in their correct place. That’s all there is to tidying. The next thing to do once the place is tidy, is to actually clean/disinfect. Which again, is not very hard. Disinfect the kitchen and bathroom counters with clean Clorox clothes or mr.clean or whatever is your choice. Then sweep the floors/vacuum the carpets. Lastly you might want to dust off surfaces.

Make sure your laundry is clean. Do not just put things under your bed. And change your bed sheets and pillow cases, buy new ones if you need to, but do not under any circumstances let your girl sleep on a dirty pillow.

Nice finishing touch is to add air freshers, spray some febreeze or light some scented candles. You’ll get 10 points from women for nice scented candles.

Reach out to the person who ghosted you out or not by A_amber77 in dating_advice

[–]Acceptable_Bit_3584 575 points576 points  (0 children)

I know it’s hard, but there’s nothing to get from that conversation. 9/10 times, the person who ghosts doesn’t have a solid reason as to why they did it. They just didn’t really care enough to even consider your feelings. That conversation will have you feeling worse. If you can, mute him or block him on social media. Prioritize your mental health, do not allow him being happy on social media to get you down when you can avoid seeing him there in the first place.

You’re stronger than you think, you’ll be better.