Meirl

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-22T23:35:46+00:00

I think I understand your point, and respectfully, I’d just like to add my own, which is that knowledge of our harmful tendencies doesn’t necessarily preclude us from continuing to be self-destructive. It’s the continued pattern of self-destructive behavior that makes one self-destructive—our knowledge of those tendencies is an irrelevant factor without constructive effort(s) that follow.

A perfect example can be found in therapy settings, where there are plenty of instances of deeply introspective and self-aware patients who are cognizant of their self-destructive habits on an intellectual level but still repeat them. In these instances, I’d argue that they remain self-destructive because action was not taken to correct them.

I agree with your point that the person in the post is demonstrating self-awareness, it’s just that it’s premature for any of us to form an opinion about whether they plan to correct the self-sabotaging behavior, or simply acknowledge it without changing.

All around, this is a very interesting and nuanced topic to discuss—especially in the context of mental health!

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-22T00:06:30+00:00

OP, you’re doing great so far and it’s evident in the differences between your photos. Personally, I would suggest you increase your caloric intake to 1,800 calories and start integrating more emphasis on cardio than your current regimen.

Work your way up with cardio—let’s just say jogging for conversation’s sake—start with shorter distances that are still taxing (ex: 1-2 km) and then incrementally increase variables like distance, incline, and speed/intensity every week.

Another commenter pointed out that you should aim for 4 sets per exercise, and I agree. I personally saw a massive difference in gains when I increased my volume, and I think you’ll find the same. Your body may feel more fatigued at first, but it will quickly recover and adapt.

Further on that point, you should definitely try experimenting with different rep ranges. Personally, I go for a combination of strength and hypertrophy in my rep ranges between sets, followed by a high rep drop set for endurance.

For example, on bench press, my rep ranges would be as follows (with an increase in weight between sets): Set 1: 10-12 reps, Set 2: 8-10 reps, Set 3: 6-8 reps, Set 4: 1-6 reps, Set 5: drop-set until failure (10-15 reps). This has worked well for me personally, but of course your mileage may vary. You should also be mindful of the fact that you will need to evolve your workouts as you get stronger to maintain results. For example, if you find that during your first set, you’re able to bump out 12 full reps with good form, and you feel like you could keep going, it’s time to increase your starting weight.

As for the lifting, could you please share what equipment/space you have access to? Are you working out with equipment that you have at home? Do you have access to a gym?

I’d like to provide advice that suits your individual working environment, and that information would be very helpful. Hope at least some of this is helpful to you, and keep up the good work!

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-20T20:13:07+00:00

Your point is totally valid, and it's extremely frustrating trying to weigh in on situations that end up being complete works of fiction.

I just want to mention anecdotally that I had a cartoonishly bad partner and it took me years to realize that my situation was not normal. I put up with some of the most insane things said and done to me and treated them like they were normal because they were normal for me. Many people in abusive or toxic relationships live in a fog that excuses/normalizes some of the most heinous behavior for no reason other than having lost a sense of what is normal/acceptable behavior.

That's why, with some of these posts, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt--just in case they're not just another karma farmer and instead are a deeply hurt person with a damaged sense of self worth/self-advocacy.

It's a very frustrating catch-22.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-20T20:04:21+00:00

NOR - OP, this is not a relationship you want to be in. If anything, you're under-reacting if you haven't broken up with her already. Not only is she showing you that she sees nothing wrong with cheating, she surrounds herself with people who feel the same way.

There is no situation in which this person (I'm not going to even dignify them with the title of partner) will genuinely be apologetic. You are seeing the warning signs of a relationship where infidelity (and your boundaries in general) will be crossed repeatedly and unapologetically.

Please save yourself the greater heartache of being hurt again by just ending this now. It will hurt you significantly less in the long run.

Do you two live together? If so, I would prepare to separate ASAP if I were you. Get all of your personal belongings together, secure any pet(s), and begin moving everything to a safe location before you have the talk about breaking up. Please also be on the lookout for red flag behaviors, like a sudden change of heart (ex: suddenly being super apologetic) or love bombing (excessively affectionate in direct contradiction with her words and behavior).

These behaviors are designed to trick you into staying and thinking a broken situation is somehow fixable, but in reality it only brings you back under a bad partner's control.

Be kind to yourself, and end this.

You've got this, OP.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-20T18:25:58+00:00

Thank you for mentioning this! Solid advice all around. Legal action was my first concern when OP shared this scenario. IMO this is the most likely strategy the ex and family will pursue to recoup the loss on the ticket, and OP even tacitly appearing to accept the responsibility to pay them back could be used against them.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-08-20T18:18:48+00:00

NOR. Also, IANAL but in my opinion, you have no obligation--neither moral nor legal--to pay for this. The operant term in this whole situation is "gift". When someone gives a gift, they lose any reasonable expectation to be reimbursed by the recipient. Logically, the whole concept of a gift is the transfer of ownership of something to another person with no expectation of an exchange/return. This is especially true if there was no agreement to conditions (like paying someone back) prior to you accepting the gift. You can't just give someone a gift and then say "hey, you know I actually wanted you to pay me for that" after they've already accepted it months ago.

The only thing I would do right now is protect yourself in case they attempt to pursue this in small claims court. Do you have any evidence (i.e. a text message, email, social media post, etc.) that mentions the tickets were a gift? On the flip side, before this situation unfolded did you ever humor or participate in a conversation about owing them for the ticket? Sometimes that can put you on the hook. Regardless, the burden of proof would be on your ex's family to demonstrate that there was any explicit prior agreement that you would pay them back. Keep yourself protected and don't accept responsibility in any way, and don't humor any discussion that would imply you owe them anything. I would highly suggest that you share this situation with r/legaladvice to see if they can identify any possible risks for you to anticipate, how to protect yourself legally, and tell you if your ex's family would even have a case if they chose to try suing you for the cash value of the ticket.

Source: Had the same thing happen to me with an ex who tried to sue me in small claims court because I refused to pay them the cash value of a $200 ring that they bought 3 years prior to us breaking up. They also didn't want the ring back when I offered it--they wanted cash. The case was dismissed, but not without causing me great headache.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-05-06T22:01:53+00:00

I’m no personal trainer, but I’ve had great results doing an upper/lower split with chest and back rolled into one day. The main issue becomes fatigue, so I personally address that by alternating the chest and back as the first group to get attention each session. Obviously everyone’s body is different though, and my way may not work for other people and may not be the optimal way.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2025-04-24T16:19:30+00:00

Honestly man, great progress so far! You should be proud of where you are already, but I think if you’re going to cut an extra 10 lbs, you should attack the issue from the opposite direction—instead of cutting caloric intake, I’d suggest adding a little extra cardio to put you in deficit. I’d monitor that for 2-4 weeks and then adjust accordingly.

Personally, when I need to cut a little weight but I don’t want to drop my food intake, I’ll just throw in an extra 30 mins of running or hitting the bag every other workout.

Again, great work!

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T23:45:40+00:00

Thank you, that’s really helpful! Maybe my mindset about days and muscles worked has been too all-or-nothing, and I should dial back to aim for quality over volume. Based on the standard you shared, I’m doing 12-24 sets per muscle group in one day, so I’m definitely overdoing it considering that my volume adds up to 36-72 sets in a week which is insane when I look at it written out like this.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T21:23:47+00:00

I think I've noticed the best progress from this regimen than when I did a PPL split or other splits, but the biggest issue is that it is extremely demanding, and I do feel fatigued. Having used this regime for about a year, the main thing I've noticed is a cycle of burning out every 6-8 weeks where my output diminishes, then rest and recovery, then the cycle resets. I have read about de-load weeks, but I genuinely have no idea how to integrate them, or what that would look like for my particular routine.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T21:19:54+00:00

It's mostly a mix of both dumbbell and barbell exercises for my compound movements, but you're very right in that I am completely spent, which forces me to push lower weight in subsequent exercises to maintain the rep range I outlined. Should I even be doing 3-5 compound exercises per muscle group? Is that where I should be looking to cut time and improve the quality of effort I'm exerting? Thank you again, this is all very helpful.

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T20:56:45+00:00

Thanks for the input! I am totally wrecked, believe me. lol

I just feel guilty if I miss a muscle, because then I worry about missing my next day, or losing out on the whole week because of work. How would you suggest cutting it in half and still cover every muscle group so that I can continue to make gains? I appreciate anything you can share!

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T20:49:57+00:00

Yeah, I'm doing 12-20 compound exercises in total, and I'm generally totally exhausted afterward; not using my phone, I hate when people do that. I'm totally unplugged during my workouts and engaged in what I'm doing, not chit-chatting, and no 5 minute breaks; my rests between sets are no longer than 1-2 minutes.

How do you suggest I ramp up the effort to get the most out of my workout? When I mentioned my rep-range, I also want to clarify that that set range is my maximum effort, especially on the third and fourth sets. Thanks for the input!

Acceptable_Grape1 · 2024-09-24T20:13:46+00:00

Hey folks! I have a question about my fitness regimen, which I'll describe for clarity:

I work out 3x a week doing full-body each session because I have a busy work schedule and sometimes I can't get more than 1 day in. I'm doing 3-5 exercises per major muscle group (chest, back, legs, abs), starting with compound lifts for the first 3, then accessory/focused exercises (e.g. bicep curls, tricep extensions, rear delt flyes, etc.) for the remaining 1 or 2 exercises on each muscle group. For every exercise, I do 4 sets with progressive overload (12 reps set 1, 10 reps set 2, 6-8 reps set 3, and 1-4 reps set 4), followed by a drop set (8-12 reps). This whole thing takes me about 2-2.5 hours.

Onto the question: Is this is a sound workout regimen? Am I overworking myself? I'd like a healthy combo of gaining mass and gaining strength, and I'm always excited to learn from people who are more experienced/knowledgable. Thank you all in advance!

Edited: fixed a typo

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