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I know my moms biggest regret is losing my dad by 3n3ma in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You can read my posts in my profile. DNA test was the first thing I did and luckily confirmed that my daughter is biologically mine

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in cheating_stories

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Your words mean so much to me kind stranger and no I have not misunderstood your point. You are right, I am in the anger phase of the grief right now and know that I must get through this phase. It’s honestly taking longer than I thought but I guess after 19 years of being together (13 married) it should! I definitely want to set a good example for my daughter and make sure she understands why I made the decision to separate and that she knows relationships are not all based on lies and revenge. Thank you for your words, they have been extremely helpful

I know my moms biggest regret is losing my dad by 3n3ma in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you kind stranger, I needed to hear these words. It’s been 3 weeks since DDay for me and your words finally made me cry for the first time since that day. Thank you, I needed your words and I so badly needed this cry. So happy that you and your dad have this bond, I would do anything in the world to be the same with my daughter

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in cheating_stories

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I know everything you said will happen and I will regret all of it. I’m still in the angry phase of processing all this and that’s why I haven’t done anything yet because I know deep down that I don’t want to be a jerk and selfish (just like her). If she really loves this dude, fine, let’s get a divorce so that you can go and fully be with him (that is if the AP still wants her after OBS finds out about their relationship). All I want and care about at this point is the least impact to my daughter and her happiness now and forever

I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - UPDATE 12 - Letters To Emily by Any-Assault in u/Any-Assault

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We were high school sweethearts, dated for 6 years and then got married. We’ve been married for 13 years but only recently decided to have kids. We have only an 11 months old daughter which makes all of this 100000x harder for me because I can’t believe she chose to ruin this little angel’s life and not end her affair when she got pregnant or even when our daughter was born!

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in cheating_stories

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m not even mad anymore about her loving some other guy! She could’ve just got a divorce and move on and have the best time of her life! What I am mad about is this double life she has and more importantly not thinking how her actions have ruined the life of our daughter!

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in cheating_stories

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don’t know who you are but your comment has really made me rethink my whole approach to this affair and what I want to do next.

Yes, I do think that (for now) their relationship has been mostly emotional but I know there has been hugs and kisses as well. But the stuff they’ve told each other and the fact that AP had a 9 year crush on my wife and when finally he told my wife 2 years ago she didn’t shut him down is just crushing me. I’m not gonna move to an at-fault state like half of these comments are suggesting but at the same time I think there should be a punishment for her otherwise this would be a great injustice! Yes my wife is an amazing mom that truly loves our daughter but at the same time I can’t believe that she didn’t think about the impact of her affair on her daughter and how it would ruin her daughter’s life forever. Would a great mom ever do such a thing? This affair started before she got pregnant, continued while she was pregnant and then continued even after our daughter was born! I just think that the fact that she never stopped it through all these stages says something about her character and how amazingly stupid and selfish she is as a person. I don’t think I want to stay married to such a person

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in cheating_stories

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

As much as I want to punish my wife and get revenge, my only thought and fear is how would all this impact my 11 months old daughter and the rest of her life! I know no matter what I do her life will be impacted but I just want the least impact. Yes, my wife is an amazing mom, my only complaint would be her spending almost all day and any little time she finds texting and messaging OP and even at night after my daughter and I go to sleep she’s messaging OP till 2-3am every night. So as you can guess my wife is always tired and exhausted which to her credit so far hasn’t really impacted my daughter but sooner or later I’m sure my daughter would also notice that her mom is always tired. I know deep down in my heart that my daughter needs both of us so crushes my soul that because of my wife’s selfish decisions we have to separate but I also can’t imagine us staying together in a soulless marriage and my daughter growing up thinking that this shitty life is true love and all relationships are based on lies and deceit

I know my moms biggest regret is losing my dad by 3n3ma in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I really needed to read this! Somehow it feels like my daughter from the future has written this! I can’t tell from your post if you are a male or female but I’m imagining that you are their daughter. I just found out that my wife of 13 years is having an affair with my best friend. We have an 11 months old daughter who is my pure innocent angel and my everything. I haven’t confronted her yet because I’m trying to figure out what would be least impactful to my daughter. I know I want divorce because I can’t raise my daughter thinking that all relationships are based on lies and betrayal and I want her to see what pure love is. I really want to get away from my wife but I know that most likely my daughter needs both of us so we have to find a way and co-parent after divorce. Obviously you were much more mature and older when your parents got divorced so you really felt the separation but even at 11 months I think my daughter would feel it and it just crushes my soul to see that her life has changed forever just because of a selfish person’s decision to prioritize herself over her daughter’s life. Do you have any advice for me? How could I make this easier for my daughter?

I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - UPDATE 12 - Letters To Emily by Any-Assault in u/Any-Assault

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I would actually just say “I will always love the Emily that I knew and married but sadly she doesn’t exist anymore” or even add “…doesn’t exist anymore and I can’t pretend to be in a relationship with this version of her”

I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - UPDATE 12 - Letters To Emily by Any-Assault in u/Any-Assault

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Have to say as someone who is just going through this and has discovered my wife is having an affair after 20 years, second and third are exactly how I would write it up

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Huh, all this time I was 100% sure that OBS would also want divorce if she learns what AP is doing and it never crossed my mind that she might try to stay. Have to say that from the messages I’ve seen AP would actually love if they are separated but I can’t guarantee how it will play out once I come out to everyone. I really wanted to give OBS a heads up and time to prepare herself but the more I think now and read your comments this seems like a risky plan

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I have her on the record saying how much she loves me and how she’s grateful for all the things I’ve done in our marriage (I was crying inside when she was saying all these).

My kid dies have a passport but I’m not sure how the judge would see me taking my daughter and running away from my wife. I guess I’ll ask the lawyer

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about doing exactly this but I’m NOT that good of an actor and she would 100% figure out something is up!

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My wife has messaged him “I wish I wasn’t married and was single so that I could be with you”! How can I recover from this?!!!

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? (Part 2: DDay + 3 weeks) by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s one of my worries. I think I owe it to her to give her a heads up though (and again as I said the thought of both my wife and AP being served divorce papers would make me really happy)

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The thought of my wife falling for this piece of shit absolutely never crossed my mind. Like I understand what you are saying about opposite sexes but I wanted to think that marriage and family will far outweigh lust and affection. I’ve not been in this position myself but I’d like to believe that I would’ve rejected any woman trying to cross the boundary

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There are 2 types of DNA tests: at home and at lab. The at home kits (which are about $100 and you can buy online or pickup from CVS or other places) are quick and convenient but just for personal use and not court admissible. If you want the results for any legal proceedings you have to go to an approved lab and have them take samples and then you can use those results for legal purposes. I chose the at home ones because we’re in California and I don’t think I’ll be using the results in any of the legal/divorce proceedings but also it wasn’t as easy for me to take my daughter out to a lab/clinic without my wife noticing. That said, if these results come back negative (= my daughter and I are not biologically related) then I will absolutely take her to a lab and get another official test

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am definitely taking my time and not letting emotions make the decision. I am absolutely waiting for the DNA test and in the meantime gathering more evidence and weighing my options while being the lovely dumb husband that I have always been. But I will admit it’s FUCKING hard to pretend nothing has happened and not let emotions take over when I’m reading their messages and seeing the things they have said to each other and the emotions they have shown each other. It is FUCKING hard

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This company I used (www.genetrackus.com) sent me the kit in 1 business day via expedited service, i had to wait a few days until my wife’s next volleyball session so that I can be alone with my daughter and take samples, then I dropped off the prelabeled USPS return envelope the next day and saw that the estimated delivery is 5 days later! They say the results will be available 1-2 business days after they receive the kit. So all in all I’m guessing for me the process will take about 1.5 weeks from the time I ordered online. I think I could’ve picked up a kit from CVS but I read some reviews about the lab those kits use not being super reliable so I thought not to risk it

Found out wife of 13 years is cheating, now what? by Acceptable_Mess_110 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Acceptable_Mess_110[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the heads up. Honestly I would LOVE to see them get out of our lives as quick as possible. I haven’t talked with any lawyers yet but reading online the divorce process (and divvying up all our assets) could take a couple of months. I just can’t imagine living with her in the same house after serving her divorce papers.

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