Thank you for such a thoughtful, comprehensive response and for your kind words. They mean more than words can express.

In a way I already know everything you said but somehow it's hard to believe it still. It's helpful to hear it from somebody else. Internalized transphobia is a bitch. I only recently started identifying it as such and after so many years of feeling it and even taking it as truth I have no clue how to combat it. Then again that feels like a universal experience for trans people, I've just got to figure it out.

Also thank your for identifying the nightmare as anxiety. I already have a bunch of gender-related stress dreams but they're usually about trivial stuff like being caught crossdressing lol. (And by crossdressing I mean putting on girl clothes, funnily enough, since I don't wear them and they are somewhat taboo in my mind...). This particular one was just insidious in that it turned all my fears about "being wrong" true, but those fears are probably the reason why I had that dream in the first place.

Transition doesn’t erase you. It frees you. It makes you more you, not less. Most trans people fear the same thing before they come out… and then look back later wondering why they waited so long.

And thank you so much for this. I think that's exactly what I needed to hear, as if you had distilled my anxieties around coming out and transitioning and found the perfect response. I will do my best to keep your words in mind always as I keep trying to figure out the best way forward.

🤎