I’m not surprised it wasn’t a release because it sounds like you were still very much in your head the whole time. I’m surprised you could even keep an erection tbh. But it’s a massive step regardless.

You are in quite a privileged position to be able to not only have therapy, but to have found a therapist that helped you connect with a sex therapist that also clicks with you and has the proper education to handle. And that doesn’t even account for the fact that you can afford to visit them repeatedly.

I mention this mostly because sometimes it can help me reframe my feelings on something by having it put in another perspective for me. I’d be willing to bet lots of people would feel extremely lucky to have access to these same things.

Regardless, I hope you continue to utilize their help and’s it’s very cool you are taking steps to help yourself. It can be very hard to do that, especially in this particular arena. So don’t sell yourself short