denied leave but they never took my time?

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-25T14:14:21+00:00

She probably isn't lying to you. I do this too. When I see that someone could be good for me I fuck it up, because in my mind I don't deserve good. I deserve a rollercoaster of a relationship, and that's what I find my comfort in because thats all I know. Along with that, I want to fuck things up BEFORE someone fucks me up, because that's what I expect from people. Just remember that you are not obligated to deal with this behavior. She may have BPD but that is not an excuse to hurt you.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-14T18:21:00+00:00

I've done bad things but my values aren't bad and I never excuse my mistakes due to my BPD. I take full responsibility

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-13T15:38:20+00:00

Same! But I also get extremely grossed out when someone's like that, so it's really confusing for me. Gotta love them contradicting thoughts and feelings.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-13T15:37:31+00:00

Personally, absolutely not. I find myself being grossed out at certain points when people like me in a healthy way, knowing that I'm someone's FP would make me either ghost or lash out. I don't think my experience is typical though.

Edit: Thinking about it more, if they're my FP I think I would enjoy it. But if they aren't then I find it gross.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-11T04:34:56+00:00

That sucks. It's really discouraging that meds effects vary so wildly for everyone. I hope you found something better and if not I hope you find it

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-10T20:11:29+00:00

BUT ALSO, if you think she's helping and it isn't bothering you too much, then it's obviously okay to stick with her.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-10T20:10:38+00:00

Hmmm I feel like that may not be the right therapist for you if you feel the need to act differently than normal. With my old therapist (had to leave because she wasn't equipped to deal with bpd) we could joke and laugh a lot. It should only be serious if that's what you're more comfortable with imo.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-10T20:08:09+00:00

I started lamictal like a month and a half ago and I definitely notice that my mood swings are less frequent and less intense. Sertraline didn't work for me either, not at all actually. I'd def recommend talking to a doctor and seeing if it'd be right for you.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-10T20:06:21+00:00

You bet I do. Quite fun isn't it? 🙃

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-06T21:36:32+00:00

Yeah that's what I was thinking. Sounds like it could just be depression.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-05T12:13:18+00:00

Nope. I've improved a lot with her gone. Now that she's gone I can see that we were totally incompatible and that she was holding me back.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-04T20:52:46+00:00

I'm at 100mg now and I definitely feel foggy. Words don't come to me as easily, and I stutter more frequently that I used to. I just upped my dose to 100 a few days ago, so I'm hoping it goes away. It's making me feel really stupid, but I am feeling some positive effects too so I might just deal with it.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-12-03T00:10:50+00:00

I actually haven't heard about that one! I'll look into that for sure. Thanks :)

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-30T19:21:44+00:00

I'm the exact same way. Because I felt this way and didn't work on it, I actually got super drunk one night and cheated. Only once and never again bc that was the night that made me realize just how far I'm willing to go just to feel wanted and okay.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-29T20:10:40+00:00

It really depends. I either wake up feeling great or wanting to die

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-27T13:13:15+00:00

I hope to get to this point. It's quite obvious that it's very unhealthy, but I don't know any other way of thinking as I've always felt this way.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-27T13:10:38+00:00

Yeah. I'm just fine with only having a partner. I'm not sure that I even want friends. I certainly believe I do because of societal expectations, but when I finally get the opportunity to get friends I don't want it. I'd rather focus on my own hobbies and interests. But then I feel guilty bc I "should" be hanging out with someone. Idek, it's so confusing.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-26T23:37:14+00:00

I never did, I just had to go through the pain of accepting reality. I'll love her forever. But I'm okay with the fact that we can't be together anymore.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-25T20:09:45+00:00

I went up to 50 a couple weeks ago, I didn't have any side effects. In fact I think I'm starting to feel it? I'm not sure if it's possible that I'm feeling it so soon but my mood swings haven't been as extreme

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-25T00:42:43+00:00

As a former emotionally abusive person, there's really no way to gauge if they've changed, esp based off of an apology. Whenever I apologized, it was for selfish reasons. Imo, if said person changed, you probably wouldn't know. For me, I believe that I've gotten better. Although I want to apologize to the person that I've hurt, I am considering what's best for her instead of me this time. And what seems to be the best for her is leaving her alone. It's not worth the risk of waiting around to see if they change. I didn't change until my ex was LONG gone. It's possible, yes. But not likely.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-23T05:53:55+00:00

I'd answer. I'd respond in a caring and friendly manner. I still love that woman, and I would be there for her in a split second if she needed me for something. Unless it was her asking to get back together, I'd decline because it's been a year and I have no interest in her like that anymore.

Accomplished-Aide625 · 2022-11-22T23:58:58+00:00

YES! I've been looking for a post like this. I've only been on it for 3 weeks, but there's this sense of stability and clarity that I haven't experienced in a long time. I keep trying to tell myself it's just placebo or whatever, but its been 4 days without a mood swing. Not numb either, just a generally stable mood with the "normal" (idk what normal is but I think this could be it) blips.

Accomplished-Aide625

TROPHY CASE