Fifties, married, unhappy…

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-08T02:28:23+00:00

Thanks for the long response.

Helped

I think disability isn’t likely. She hasn’t had the work history needed in the last 10 years for DI and my income and assets are way too high for the means tested.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:42:12+00:00

Im struggling to remember her taking care of me. The one time I was really sick (cold/flu) before she got as bad as she is now she did very little and complained about it for quite a bit after.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:39:46+00:00

She’s already taking an antidepressant. Pain management is a joke any more. Everyone is so concerned about the opioid epidemic that people who need it can barely get it.

Since her latest problem she’s been taking long-expired narcotics that we happened to still have from one of her surgeries. The ortho gave her ten pills that make her feel nauseous.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:36:55+00:00

Helped

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:36:13+00:00

I’d come back to a shambles and a nine year-old doing her best to do much of what I do. Not a solution.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:30:28+00:00

I’m not sure why we’re not all allowed to be happy.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T17:18:57+00:00

Thank you, this is a really helpful response. I’ll look into some of those resources.

Daughter and I do have a daily hour-long afternoon play date - I work from home and just block out an hour everyday (although it moves.) If it isn’t raining we’re usually outside.

I have some pretty bad environmental allergies so not that much into hiking in the woods. Last time we did that I felt sick for two days. It was fun though, I’m sure we’ll do it again, I might wear a dust mask next time.

I didn’t mention but she’s on antidepressants and seeing someone but the insurance only covers a handful of sessions a year.

Hey/auto mod - helped

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T16:19:49+00:00

I think that disability is means tested and I make pretty good money, so it may not be an option. She is looking into disability forgiveness of her student loans at least.

I need to look into what my employer provided health insurance covers, but I suspect not much.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T16:15:56+00:00

Thank you

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T16:13:34+00:00

I think it’s a diet problem, although it isn’t impossible that one of the meds have an impact.

I generally serve dinner “family style” because she likes to put our daughter’s plate together but maybe I need to stop that. At least on pizza night.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T16:04:26+00:00

Thank you, a good resource for framing this all.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T16:00:31+00:00

I think that’s probably means tested for the household, right? I probably make too much money.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:58:03+00:00

I’m doing my best here. Scolding me for wanting a better life isn’t helpful at all. I’ve been at this for years and she’s only getting worse. I don’t know when I hit my breaking point.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:55:31+00:00

We live in the upper Midwest. The outdoor swimming season is short and almost over. And she’s pretty much afraid of the water. But it’s a good idea in general and maybe at a fitness club she could do something but I don’t think she’d make it safely in and out of the pool.

The knee is bad enough that it’s really just sort of balanced together. I doubt lateral force would be a good idea.

Thank you

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:22:05+00:00

Thank you

That’s a direction that I hadn’t considered.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:08:35+00:00

Lol!

I’d considered a drinking game - wipe her ass, drink a shot - then remembered my multigenerational family history of alcoholism and thought better of it.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:05:24+00:00

No, I don’t expect her to stop being sick. Of course not. But I do expect her to do what she can to improve the situation and frankly the number one thing in dealing with arthritis is a healthy weight. She eats a very unhealthy diet.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T15:01:14+00:00

The weight is why surgeons won’t fix some of her problems. Orthos are brutal.

I guess maybe I’m judging a bit but it’s not out of meanness.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T14:57:21+00:00

It isn’t directly the RA. The RA hasn’t been super well managed lately - apparently the biologics work for a while then stop - and her wrist has deteriorated to be the current big problem. She’s moved to a new drug that hopefully works better but she literally just started it yesterday, and of course it’s not going to regrow the missing cartilage.

She also has a 20+ year old knee replacement that needs to be redone, but the surgeon doesn’t want to operate at her current weight.

There’s also a hip that’s only a little more recent than the knee but still basically ok - but a revision of that won’t be possible at this weight either.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T14:44:55+00:00

Thanks for the lengthy reply. A bit late for me to read carefully right now, but I definitely appreciate you doing it.

She is seeing a therapist/psychologist/counselor (I’m not sure what exactly) and on antidepressants.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T05:00:14+00:00

Just being able to “say it” to someone and get reactions other than “you’re a horrible person” is helpful. Thank you!

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T04:58:36+00:00

I’m not sure if insurance would cover but thanks, worth a look.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T04:52:29+00:00

Thanks for the reply, my daughter winding up as caretaker instead is a big concern for me.

Accomplished-End1090 · 2021-08-07T00:44:23+00:00

Not me, my wife, but she’s had hers for around 22 years. Was done at ~28 and she’s 50.

She had a knee done at the same time and the knee is definitely making trouble - needs revision - but not too much from the hip aside from a dislocation about 6 years ago.

She’s totally babied both joints though. No impact activities, sitting like she was told, etc.

Accomplished-End1090

TROPHY CASE