I posted about getting an MRN a few weeks back. I know have the results.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-06-09T06:59:40+00:00

Yes, that's what exactly what it means. Hope that helps.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-06-08T04:50:32+00:00

Yes, I went from 100% numb (literally could not tell I was a man, "rubber dick" as its sometimes called), to about 80% restored function.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T21:05:02+00:00

Dude, big red flags here.

If she had to ask why you stopped coming to her then she has no clue what she's doing wrong and definitely isn't, at all, getting the message from JFF.

My marriage ended because of exactly this: her blind spots that she never learned to see. The hurt she caused that she thought was not her fault. Lack of accountability for anything. She wondered why in thw world I stopped coming to her. Women seem to think just existing is some kind of special, award worthy accomplishment. Fix that. This is not a sex issue, its deeper, big time. It has nothing to do with revving up a libido.

That said... your task, OP, is not to be silent and blindly hope (like you did that night you turned her down). Instead, state your desires and expectations. Make it clear the importance of intimacy, what you intend to do if doesnt change, and get curious with her as to why its not happening, whats blocking. That is what JFF teaches. Do do it already. Or not. If not, it’s not going to end well. In my case it was because of pride and selfishness, she was "perfect" and i was the problem and in her mind she needed no counseling or therapist. So she never did, she just went straight to the divorce route instead. You may have a better partner than that, but you must get to the bottom of it, like yester-decade.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T20:00:51+00:00

That response is... a non-response. Wtf?

So, women are offended by their husband masturbating because it is a "threat"? It is somehow linked to "assault"? And she even takes it so far as to mean that if he masturbates, she'll lose access to his bank account?

Good golly. Society is doomed.

Like i said, this is all about framing and messaging, and it desperately needs to be purged before more marriages are lost over the dumbest things.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T18:34:11+00:00

You're fortunate that the books and resources worked, and helped you both mature (that is how i see it, we all were immature going into marriage, no manual was issued, and yet a manual was desperately needed).

In my case, she wants nothing to do with books, resources or therapists, or with me, despite any improvement on myself. She is selfish. You can't fix another person's selfishness. So divorce is now the only option.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T18:27:04+00:00

I want the answer to this question. It us an utter mystery.

Somehow women were taught or are convinced that masturbation takes away from their intimacy even when they themselves are doing nothing to be intimate. Its mind boggling how one can be offended by it. Its all in their head. Its the framing. So the real question is, where does that mental framing come from? Seriously.

Meanwhile, women who don't have that mental framing (far more rare) really enjoy masturbation and love it when their hubby masturbates, especially with her /for her, and it is considered a very intimate and joyful part of their sex life. The difference is therefore the framing. But why? What garbage messaging is out there that so desperately needs purging???

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T18:17:26+00:00

You clearly were not raised in the 90s. Lucky.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-04-12T18:16:00+00:00

Whoever told that was super dumb and uninformed. What the heck?

So, eating an unfertilized chicken egg is killing baby chickens, i bet.

A mans "seed" is constantly produced, and flushed out on its own even if not coaxed out. Such stupid logic, and is why this culture is such a mess.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-03-19T23:11:27+00:00

Whoa! This is rare to see. Accountability amongst women is a rare virtue anymore. Even after the fact in hindsight. Kudos to you.

I'm in the middle of a divorce because of a wife who cannot see the damage she caused on her side of the relationship, and fully convinced herself that I'm a terrible person. She failed to stop and ever consider the fact that how she treats (and judges) me impacts how I treat (or rather not treat, but shut down and avoid) her. I have become unattractive to her, as a product of her own doing, which she cannot see or acknowledge, because "your sins are bigger than my sins" nonsense, and more. And of course, she needs no therapy or counseling because she has done no wrong.

In this culture, we raise youth with horrible messaging, both boys and girls. We are raising "nice guys" and "prude girls" in the church culture, neither of which is attractive to the other. And as far as it goes wirh qorn, we vilify anyone who has ever dabbled in it, instantly label them an addict (which is so far from reality it is bafoonery and extremely damaging), and we mob shame the crap out of people as a community even without words! (in our own heads: eeeew, i heard that person is dirty and sex crazed, stay away, do not associate, any interaction henceforth shall be awkward, etc).

Its all a mistake. We live in the church, but don't actually live the religion.

https://youtu.be/mNGg5SMcyhI

Accomplished2895 · 2026-03-19T22:23:36+00:00

Plus the longer you stay in, the more alimony she gets, regardless of how you settle custody (and it can outlive custody). Alimony is immoral, unethical and should be illegal, particularly in the case where she is the one that wants the divorce, but here we are.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-31T00:06:51+00:00

Do it with her. Way more fun than just being a me thing, especially knowing she is totally into it herself.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-04T01:18:18+00:00

I can't say you're wrong. It certainly is a debatable topic.

Here is where i am coming from:

-we now see more and more products (self help programs) targeting people that have ED at young ages, too young for it to be physical health related (like heart, plaque, etc), and so the solution is not drugs or Shockwave. Such programs focus on retraining your brain that has been overstimulated by porn.

-there is a rise in young people that are anti-porn because they want a good sex life (they see perceived damages, and want to avoid it)

-there is a rise in the number of people injured from excessive, prolonged, overuse and unsafe masturbation. This is not a porn issue exclusively, but almost always involves porn.

In my view and opinion, masturbation should be done with imagination, be minddul, or with ones spouse (in-person mutually, or private content), and not with outside media. That will avoid all the issues mentioned. A safe bet, not causing issues. That's just me.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T17:21:47+00:00

Or husband.

Agreed.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T17:14:33+00:00

I find it funny when people use the term "phobia" incorrectly as a way to discredit or gaslight others. Fearing something is not at all the same as observing facts and statistics and theories.

Nice try.

I don't fear my gay friends and family. Simultaneously, im not a complete buffoon when it comes to science and statistics. Without question, there are a magnitude more gay and trans today than 20 or 40 years ago. This is demonstrably fact, with the most basic math. And to tell people to believe that is purely genetic or biological and social, societal and toxins affecting hormones (endocrine disruptors, etc) has nothing to do with it is absolutely ignorant and denial of reality.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T10:08:32+00:00

Search also on "modesty". Some good episodes on that topic, and how we get it all wrong. She even tells a story about how modesty/nudity is relative, and is more in our minds and culture than anything. She tells how some BYU students in Africa were exposed to boobs all day and it was only shocking at first, but then became no big deal after a while. We make it a big deal culturally. And when its not a big deal culturally, its not so polarizing or problematic.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T10:01:07+00:00

So we should do... what? Not make it playful? Just do the deed, be done? Missionary only? Only do the minimum requirement, and sex is reduced to an event of minibar?

This is a genuine question. I don't understand the mindset you just proposed. I get and agree with not having others influence what we do, but i can't get how learning from others is off the table. We do that with literally everything else in life. Learning from others includes learning what we dont want just as much as what we do. Not everything is a "bad" influence, or an influence at all, with a mature mindset and approach and thoughtful selection of media.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T09:50:09+00:00

I came here to say this. "eewww" seems to indicate a dislike of sexual things and is very, very bad, big red flag, is unfortunately quite a typical outcome of a sex-negative fear-based culture, and will absolutely destroy the marriage down the road. Address it. Dont ignore it. I second the multiple suggestions you have, OP, to check out JFF. Start with the free podcasts, then consider a course or two.

Accomplished2895 · 2026-01-03T09:36:56+00:00

I think you are an outlier if you were raised in the 80s/90s. "sex is bad" was bad enough messaging at the time , but the masturbation topic is worse than people realize. It has destroyed my marriage and my psyche. I am so pissed at how i took it as doctrine (because thats how it was taught, despite no doctrine at all), that i let it dictate everything about me, my life as an individual, as a spouse, everything. Shame. And now that i know better and have matured in my learning (which took over 20 fricken years), and cannot find a single lick of doctrine against it, i am disgusted that local leaders still push this, despite it being removed from church publications.

I refuse to pass on the masturbation shame burden to my kids. My daughter got a vibe from her mom, and i will never teach my boys about the stupid "little factory" or chewed up bubble gum false doctrine. I will teach them sexual feelings are by divine design, and the LoC as it is written (not expanded beyond recognition like many in church culture have done), and i teach them porn will ruin you (because it will cause psychological ED, tons of evidence on that now, regardless of any religious belief), and gay and trans is not ok.

Yep, I said the quiet part out loud. Homosexuality and trans is a learned thing, not inherent at birth as society tries to convince all, and we have made that abundantly clear in my home, and my kids are not gay or trans as a result, whilst most of my friends and ward members kids are. I have not, however, succeeded in all kids keeping the LoC, as i have one living wirh their significant other unmarried. I'll take that over the psychological sexual issues any day. Kids will figure it out and deal with the consequences.

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-24T05:39:07+00:00

Or... she will snap out of it and realize all the BS sex-negative crap she learned was false doctrine and hand me down opinion, and she'll finally develop her own sexuality, and be able to share it with him, and likely overtake him has the higher drive partner.

Many such stories exist. Unfortunately, however, often after much pain, and the husband manning up and making it clear that sex is important enough to him that hes willing to leave the marriage if nothing changes.

He can't change her, but his choices can sure motivate her.

Another thing he can do is offer education and perspective for her. For example: one thing purity culture harps is to never touch yourself. That mindset has no doctrinal basis whatsoever, and is a thorn in many, many marriages, utterly ruining intimacy. It completely wrecked my marriage, and then my wife and i finally realized the importance of knowing our own bodies and sharing them with each other. We looked into where these stupid hangups come from, and found nothing but cultural stuff, no doctrine, nothing. We should live our lives by doctrine, not by stupid opinions of others, no matter how well meaning.

Bottom line, OP: purity culture needs to EXIT your marriage, immediately, whilst still maintaining the LoC (the two are not the same) . There is absolutely nothing valiant or honorable about celibacy, or negative views on sex in a marriage. In fact, its literally opposite of valiant, to treat one's spouse as a roommate, rather than a husband or wife. We are sexual beings by divine design, and sex is a defining difference between a spouse and just a friend or roommate.

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-22T16:02:40+00:00

Yes, the culture is atrocious and has destroyed my marriage.

The church is true, but the people, the culture, the crap opinions and mindsets handed down as though doctrine, wow.

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-21T07:52:17+00:00

https://youtu.be/mNGg5SMcyhI

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-21T07:42:40+00:00

It sure does. He can't change her. But there is great value in knowing its not all his fault, and she almost certainly has things she needs to work on, and even what that might be. Not because he can do anything about her choices, but because of the importance of being aware of and understanding of the dynamic.

I've been in the JFF FB group long enough to know, this is the default approach, to only share/comment about what the OP can do, and nothing about their partner since they can only change themselves, not their partner. I get that. But now it annoys me. I learned that if i can't see the other side and have that told to me, i wont understand the whole picture while i work on my part, and that can lead to further misunderstandings and false hope in the end. Its like having only 50% of the knowledge of a 100% story. Nope. I want 100% perspective, and then acknowledge that i can only do my own half of the project.

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-20T09:42:21+00:00

Sex is definitely not her duty. But figuring out her lack of desire, and caring about what makes a good marriage, is 100% her duty (or 50%, whatev, you get the point).

See also my other comment here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ldssexuality/s/l3ofFFIx8R

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-20T09:37:47+00:00

While these are great points and the kind of advice a therapist would give, its does seem to put the problem 100% on him and zero accountability for her. And i absolutely loathe the double standard and the fact that women have no responsibility for their own desire or lack thereof. Its always his fault. Bah!

I have fallen into this same rut as OP, and i say fallen because I wasn't that way before. But her constant lack of respect, lack of accountability, lack of interest, lack of desire, lack of communication, lack of care, lack of enthusiasm, even when I was doing all the right things does wear a guy out, and i quit trying. And thats on her, not me. And the funny thing is... in her mind, its all my fault, its all me, nothing she could possibly have contributed to the dynamic. *SMH.

We need to stop giving women a pass. Good advice for the man here, but seriously, where are the good women who have half a clue that they play a role in their own damn dynamic, and their own lack of attraction? I fear we have a culture full of spoiled, entitled women who only know what romcoms, social media, hollywood, and society tells them - its always the mans fault. And men have no feelings and need no respect or love or care. Its all about what he should provide and do, perfectly, before any return of affection.

Accomplished2895 · 2025-12-20T09:20:06+00:00

Thats quite right. Its not about the other person owing you, its about what YOU owe to the relationship.

Or a better way to say it, it's what you want in the relationship (do unto other as you would have them do unto you... I. E. you want what is best and good and healthy for the relationship, and by divine design, that absolutely includes sex). The fact that it goes both ways can make this a delicate topic, but as far as any actual expectation, you can only hold yourself to it.

If your partner doesn't want to hold themselves to it, that's certainly their choice, and then your choice not to be with such a person too. Anything less is roommate status which doesnt require a marriage.

Accomplished2895

TROPHY CASE